London Mystery trip
by lunatic-blondie
Summary: A girl. A birthday gift. A meeting in a dark corridor. "It started out with a kiss, How did it end up like this. It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss..." (The Killers, Mr Brightside)
1. Chapter 1

The music is loud, the atmosphere is heavy. Dozens of bodies waiting for the beginning of the concert. Deftones music is blaring through the speakers, as a prelude to what is going to happen.

"Do you want something to drink?" my husband asks me, stopping my daydream.

"A pint of bier or something like that would be great, thanks".

I watch him manoeuvring through the crowd to reach the bar of the pub.

There are lots of young women, problably not older than 22 or 23 and I'm suddenly feeling so out of place here, having turned 34 two days before. But it's my birthday weekend, and being here for this gig is my self birthday gift. I'm lucky my hubby agreed to come with me tonight, even if that this whole trip from France to London just to see a bunch of guys singing problably six or seven songs is pure craziness, but being understanding is one of his main qualities, apart from loving me since 13 years.

I stay in the middle of the room, waiting for him. It's getting very crowded, as the time of the show is approaching.

Looking more closely at the people surrounding me, I can't help smiling : fangirls I recognize from their internet profil pictures. Twitter followers of the singer, who know everything about him. I even suspect them to know where he lives, because they always seem to "bump into" him on the street. How convenient, isn't it ?

Yeah I admit it, I'm totally jealous, I'm here for him too, for his gorgeous face, his wit and the great quality of his music. But unlike them, I know perfecty well that I'll never be part of his life, nor he'll ever notice me.

I'm just here of the pleasure of my eyes and ears.

I suddenly feel a light tap on my shoulder and turn around to find my husband with my glass of bier. I let the liquid quench my thirst and soothe my nerves. Well, I am quite anxious to see the band playing live and above all to see him for the first time. Guess I'm a bit of a fangirl after all!

"Are you okay Babe ? You seem a bit on edge"

"Ahem, yeah... you know, I"m a bit nervous. I really wonder if this was a good idea to come" I reply, looking down.

"Why? It's your birthday, enjoy your gift! What are you risking apart from spending a really great night and fulfilling of of your dreams? Remember what you said to me this morning ? You want to see if he's really tall or not!" he laughs.

I smile. My dear husband, who welcomes my little obsession over him with so much lightness, knowing damn well like me that it's just a fantasy.

My train of thoughts is stopped by movement behind me. A group of girls came back from the outside giggling and smiling. Right now, I know what it means. They must have seen or met the band, perhaps even spoken with then or taken some pictures that will be all over twitter and Facebook tomorrow morning. God, what I would give to be in their shoes!

I'm feeling weird, as if something is happening behind me. And turning around, my eyes immediately caught his figure.

He's walking with long strides across the room to go backstage, head down, hoping not being recognized. Clad totally in black, black jeans, black shirt, black leather jacket, with his golden long hair, his tall and toned body, he isn't going unnoticed. He's definitely the most gorgeous man I've ever seen.

I suddenly feel like I don't deserve to contemplate such a perfect man and I turn around, hiding my face in my husband's chest. Two strongs hands grasp my shoulders to make me raise my head.

"Babe, he's here, look at him. We're here to see and hear him. He's barely one meter behind you, so turn around. Otherwise you'll always regret it!"

I turn around just to catch a last glimpse of his hair disappearing backstage. A smile appears on my face.

I feel like I'm 17 tonight because I have finally seen Jace Wayland


	2. Chapter 2

_"Go get your knife_

 _Go get your knife_

 _And come in_

 _Go get your knife_

 _Go get your knife_

 _And lay down_

 _Go get your knife_

 _Go get your knife_

 _Now kiss me"_

 **Deftones,** Knife Party

* * *

My smile lingers on my face. I have finally caught a glimpse of the man I've been waiting to see for more than six months.

My husband's laugh is ringing in my ears.

"So .. are you happy ? What do you think ? Is he as beautiful as in you dreams?"

I stick my tongue at him : "Stop making fun of me... By the way, thanks again for coming here.. You know what ? I'm just happy!" He takes me in his arms and kisses me on the forehead "Aww I'm just teasing you. Le'ts make the most of this night ok ? Look, there's someone on the stage !"

And actually, three or four men are setting up , plugging their guitars and checking the drums. They must be the band who act as a support tonight . I really hope they will be great to hear, because playing first isn't always an easy task.

Going to the bathroom before every girl in the room would be a good idea if I don't want to miss the beginning of the concert. I make my way through the room with difficulty, as everybody pack together to go near the scene.

The corridor leading to the bathroom is very dark, I am not even sure I'm going the right way. I still can hear muffled sounds from the concert, not knowing if the other band is already playing or it's still the Deftones soundtrack.

"Damn it, I'm lost" I curse myself.

The room I've just entered is certainly not the bathroom. It is hardly lit, much bigger, and seems to be empty. As soon as my eyes get used to the darkness, I realize I'm not the ony one in the room. A man is sitting on the floor, strumming a guitar, humming to himself. He has a hoodie on his head and I can't see his face, just his mouth muttering silently. Hoping that my presence remains unnoticed, I silently turn around and search for the door. And I would have succeeded.. except for my clumsiness. In my haste, I literally bang into the door, shattering my hopes of discretion.

"What are you doing here? This room is private. Get out and stop making fucking noise" . I freeze at the sound of this voice.

This voice I would recognize amongst so many others. This voice I've listened so much in movies and youtube voice of a promising actor and singer. This voice that is so harsh and angry at the moment. I'm trying to catch my breath as I know perfectly who he is. Turning slowly, I'm suddenly facing him and his piercing blue eyes.

"Ahemm sorry, I didn't want to bother you... I was just searching the bathroom and I have opened this door by mistake" I stammer.

"Do you have to lie? Do you know how many times this door has been opened tonight? And now I can't fucking concentrate because of girls like you..." he snapped, his tone was stinging. He stares at me, without smiling, without blinking, certainly hoping his words are going to hurt me. And they do. As a slap. As a punch. Words definitely hurt more than gestures.

After a few seconds, I pull myself together. He can be famous, he can be Jace or what the hell his name is, I don't deserve to be spoken like that.

"Who do you think you are to shout at me? I opened this door and it was a mistake, that's it. Do you think I'm here to stalk you ? No, mr I-know-everything. So stay in there with your shitty mood and stop acting like an asshole" I retort, on the verge on tears. I have just one idea in mind : to get out of this room as soon as possible, to find my husband and to leave this pub. As I'm opening the door, I feel a hand grasping mine.

"Don't leave. Please". I hear his words but the only thing I can think about is the feeling of his skin against mine.

"Please. I'm sorry".


	3. Chapter 3

To anyone who added this first fic to his/her favourites or alerts, a huge **Thank You** ! It means a lot to me ! Just wanna say sorry for my spell/gramar mistakes, English is not my native language. Don't hesitate to tell me if it's awful.

 _ **to lindsayhonaker** _ : I know right, he deserved it.. but he had a good reason. Let's discover it in chapter 3 :)

All Characters belong to Cassandra Clare and TMI. I just love playing with them and mixing them with reality...

* * *

I stop, my hand on the handle of the door. My surprise and my fear totally prevent me from moving. What am I gonna do ? ignore and leave him here ? Or forget my doubts and take the opportunity to talk to him ? After all, it's not everyday an average girl like me finds herself alone in a dark room with Jace Wayland, famous actor, aspiring rock star.

He still has his hand around mine. His skin is smooth but I can feel the calloused tips of his fingers.

"I'm really sorry, believe me. I had no right to speak to you like that" he says as I turn back, head down, too shy at first to look him in the eyes. I keep on staring his feet, his legs.

He has changed his clothes, swapping his dark jeans for ripped black ones, one of his tattoos showing through the tear in the fabric on his leg. I can't help my eyes lingering on him, as they pass his knees, his thighs, his narrow waist, his broad chest, up to his beautiful face.

"Don't apologize to me, you are right, you need calm to concentrate before the show. It's my fault".

Releasing my hand to grab his bottle of beer on the floor, he chuckles. "Okay I'm sorry, You're sorry, this is just going nowhere. What do you think of forgetting all that happened and starting from scratch ?"

His smile is contagious, and soon, I relax. "Uh, okay... but trust me, I'm really ..." He puts one finger on my lips to stop me and swallows the rest of his beer.

"Let me introduce myself properly. My name is Jace, and I'm the singer of the band that will play here tonight. And As you 've seen it, I prove myself to be a real asshole when I'm terrified.", extending his hand for me to shake.

I love the fact that his hasn't mentioned his complete name or what his occupation is. He is here to sing tonight, to be the real Jace and not to play a part in whatever movie he may be involved in.

"Well, I'm Clary. And as you have problably seen it, I'm the Queen of akward situations"

"Nice to meet you Clary", he smiles.

"What is it? " I ask, pointing at his throat where a red cross is drawn.

His hand immediately goes to his neck as he traces with precaution the two red lines. "Well, it's kind of embarassing... I see it as a sort of talisman, a little something to bring me luck for tonight, for keeping my voice till the end of the gig. As well as this" he replied, showing me the rosary hanging from his belt.

His confession deeply touches me. How can a person like him, apparently cocky and arrogant, become such a ball of incertitude ? How can a heavy tattooed actor who likes to swear like a sailor rely on faith and luck ? Lots of contradictions that show who he really is, that break his shell.

"Oh Jace, come on, you're gonna nail it ! you don't need that... Just do your job, as usual" I try to lighten his mood.

"Clary, you don't understand... On film set, all is written, all is codified. If I'm bad at playing a scene, well, I play it again and again until it's perfect. Nobody is here to witness this. If I'm crap one day, it's not important, others do their thing and I come back the day after. But here.. I have the opportunity to show people what really moves me. But it means that I have also the chance to totally fail it, to make a fool of myself in front of fans but also in front of my friends and my family. Not to mention the headlines tomorrow.. I'm fucking terrified, really.. I won't recover from it if it happens, I assure you" he sighs, taking his head in his hands while sitting in the floor.


	4. Chapter 4

A big thanks to all the people who have followed this story... I also love all your reviews ! It really feeds my writing so don't hesitate to write me a few words if you like this story... I wrote a damn monster long chapter so I had to split it in two parts. Here comes the first , enjoy !

Remember, this story is rated M for a reason ;)

All Characters belong to Cassandra Clare and TMI. I just love playing with them and mixing them with reality.

* * *

Without hesitating, I crouch on the floor and place my hand on his arm. Seconds pass, neither of us is moving. I can't help looking at each square centimetre of his skin, the black lines of his tattoos turning his arm into a work of art. My fingers slowly brush their patterns from his elbow to his wrist as if they are drawing the outlines of a masterpiece.

I am totally afraid but it's as if my fingers have suddenly their own mind. He's not a famous actor, I'm not a stupid married fangirl, all that matters is the feeling of his skin under my tips.

The image of Sebastien pops in front of my eyes. Damn, What am I doing? I'm happily married, this guy is just a fantasy and it must stay like that. I quickly move back, my skin on fire.

A smirk appears on his mouth. Of course, what's bred in the bone comes out in the flesh ! What is to be expected from a fangirl apart from trying to touch and seduce his idol ? Great, Clary, you have made a fool of yourself, you're totally ridiculous. Now he will think you're as stupid as everyone else whereas you've just wanted to comfort him. And now all I have in mind is what he will think of me after all that.. when I shouldn't even care about that!

Terrific, really.

"Stop talking about me. Tell me about you Clary. What are you doing here tonight?"

"Ahem.. I don't know. We are in a pub, there's a concert. I have bought a ticket for this. Guess ?" I reply coldly.

He raises an eyebrow "My question is not a trap Clary, relax"

"Sorry, it's just I don't want you to think... uh, forget it. Well, my name is Clary, you know that, right. I'm 34 since last Tuesday, I came tonight to see your band because obviously I totally adore your music. What else ? I'm an english teacher in high school, I have a cat and an husband. You know what's interesting about me."

"And where do you come from ? what is this little cute accent you have?"

I look at him and my cheeks keep getting redder and redder. Damn it, now I'm blushing like a teenager.

"I come from France, I take the train this morning, and I leave tomorrow"

"A trip to come and see us? what an honour! Seriously, it constanly shocks me in a good way that people fly across Europe to listen to us" he smiles.

"Think you are hot stuff uh ? I'm not here especially for you , I'm here because I have fallen in love with London a few years ago. Now I come back every two or three months for a few days"

He winks at me and my beart, this traitor, starts beating faster. "A man can dream, don't you think?"

He stands up and comes closer slowly. I'm suddenly feeling like I'm his prey and there's nowhere for me to hide. My feet are glued to the floor and all I can do is keep my eyes locked on his, the beating of my heart speeding up with each of his steps. He grasps me by my neck and runs his fingers into my red curls. Time stops. All that matters is his touch at the base of my nape.

"I want to thank you Clary. Without you, I would probably be hidden somewhere, dead with stage fright and totally unable to play tonight. It is being a fucking pleasure to meet and speak to you. I really hope we'll see each other again, very soon" and with these words, he pulls me towards him. With his other hand, he lighty brushes my cheek, smiling.

I definitely know what's gonna happen. Or what is likely to happen in most cases. Boy comes closer, grabs Girl, fingers graze cheek or lips. An then, bam, Kiss. But it can't be happening right now. Because I'm nobody compared to him. I'm not ugly nor beautiful, I'm the kind of girl men don't notice. I'm the good friend, certainly not the hot chick. Look at me, I'm here with black low cut shirt, black skinny jeans and chucks when all the girls in the room wear skirts, dresses and heels. The only thing I allow myself is make up. Smokey eyes and red lips.

My red lips, to which his mouth is dangerously coming closer, as I'm lost in my thoughts. His breath lingers on my mouth, which opens slightly at the feeling. I'm inches away from the greatest mistake or the best decision i've ever taken in my whole life. is this kiss really worth it ? Is it wise to trade an happy marriage for a one night stand? Even if it's Jace. Even if I have been playing this scene in my dreams countless times.

"Jace. Stop"


	5. Chapter 5

_**Again thanks to the new followers; Your reviews are so great, keep them coming! I'm craving your sweet words**_.

And yes, Clary was a bit stupid to stop him right ? We wouldn't have done that, for sure.  
But is she really stupid or just afraid ? Well, let's discover it in this chapter

Remember, this story is **rated M** for a (lemony) reason. Because if Jace doesn't stop, well...

All characters belong to Cassandra Clare and TMI. I just love playing with them and mixing them with reality.

* * *

His lips crash on my cheek instead of my lips. His temple against mine, he exhales the breath he is holding. His arms surround me and I melt in his embrace.

"I'm sorry, I thought.. whatever. My mistake."

"Believe me. It's not that I don't want to. It's just I can't. I loathe hurting people around me. And my husband is in the next rooom, waiting for me"

"Yeah, you're right, it's better like that"

I enjoy his hug as long as possible, nestling my head in the crook of his neck, inhaling his scent. Too soon he releases me and runs his hand in his long blond locks.

"Well, Let's go, I have songs to sing" he smiles. "But I am sincere when I've said to you I hope we'll see each other again soon. Do you have your phone with you? or something to write my number down?"

"Nope, nothing. don't worry, check your twitter account, you'll recognize me".

His nervous laugh fills the room "Okay.. you know I'm totally addicted to that shit. I spend hours checking accounts and reading fans' tweets about me. I'm so vain.."

Picking his guitar on the floor, and placing a hand on the small of my back, he leads me towards the door. I fumble a few seconds with the handle of the door, true to my reputation of Queen Awkward. Instead of stopping away from me to wait for the opening of the door,Jace clings to me.

Neither of us is moving, only our breathing is increasing. His body is against mine and I'm feeling his chest quickly rising. He definitely lets me decide here. What I'm gonna do next is going to change my life forever. At this precise moment, I can't speak, I can't think, I can't barely remember where I am. I'm doing the only thing my body is longing for and I lean into him. I release the handle and tilt my head back on his shoulder. Jace puts his guitar along the wall and firmly places his hands on the door, caging me from behind.

There's no noise in the room, only our panting breath. There's no further movement, as if each of us is leading an internal struggle over the consequences of this situation. I believed I would be strong enough to resist the temptation, but I'm craving his touch.

His scent is intoxicating to the point of making me he approaches his mouth to my ear and a moan escapes me.

This little meaningful sound acts as a trigger. His body tenses behind me, and he grabs me to turn me around. I can't help noticing the lust in his eyes and I can't postpone the inevitable.

"Fuck it" he growls, and as soon as the words leave his mouth, he pins me against the wall. His lips crash on mine and his tongue asks instantly for entrance, losing no time. His kiss is urgent, almost agressive; Teeths clinking, tongues fighting for dominance, lips biting. He presses his body against me and I find it strange how his perfectly fits mine. He's definitely leading the way, and I'm like a willing puppet in his arms.

My hands immediately tangle into his hair, putting his face closer to mine, if that's even possible. Breaking our kiss, he growls in my ear "Jump, darling", lifting me. My legs lock around his waist and I'm once again pinned to the next wall, his mouth resuming his assault on mine. He presses his hips harder into me. I'm on fire. All I can feel is him between my legs, where I need him the most.

All is going too fast, I don't even remember my name. I'm lost on the feeling of his tongue invading my mouth and his hands groping my ass. His mouth trails kisses down my jaw, my neck, nibbles my collarbone, undoubtedly leaving a mark. His hands graze along my ribs, on the side of my breast, very gently, in total contrast with the fervour of his mouth.

"Jace" I sigh. "Put me down". I am met with surprised and disappointed eyes.

I have to stand on tiptoe to whisper to his ear "I want to touch you too".

"Fuck yes" he exhales, grabbing my head and attacking my mouth again, biting and licking my lips, his hands gripping my waist tightly.

I lean my body against his, searching for the desperate friction, his thigh between my legs. My hands,shy and hesitating at first, get bolder and sneak under his shirt. Narrow waist, broad shoulders, hard lines of his stomach, the tips of my fingers trying to memorise every part of him. He's kissing me like there's no tomorrow, groaning as my fingers run on his skin.

As soon as this thought hits me, I realize that there's gonna be actually no tomorrow. Me in France, back in my life, with only secret memories of this moment in my mind and probably the guilt of a lifetime.

There's no turning back. What's done is done. May as well go right to the end.

My hand goes down along his torso to his waist and under the waistband of his jeans. I lightly brush his hipbones, hesitating to go further. It's the first time I've touched another man since a long time. I have been with Sebastian for so many years and haven't had the slightest idea to cheat on him since our meeting.

Jace immediately feels my hesitation. His lips come from my mouth to my ear: "Don't do anything you dont wan't to do Clary. No yourself get carried away"

His words immediately snap something in me and I find the courage I have missed until now to touch him through his jeans. A satisfied moan comes out of his mouth and he lets his head down, putting his forehead against my by his reaction, I nervously pop the button of his jeans and tug his zipper. Without thinking any longer, I plunge my hand in his boxers and finally take all of him in my fingers.

"Clary, God. Keep doing that" he shouts as I slowly caress his length.

It's weird how a single touch on a certain part of the body can switch roles. Jace is like jelly against me, wholly in my power. I pull his hair, making him raise his head and I capture his lips with mine. Contrary to the first ones, this kiss is languorous,sensual, sultry. He follows my lead, moaning in my mouth, his hand stroking the back of my head.

Time seems to have stopped. Each of us is enjoying the touch of the other. Butterflies are playing in my belly and heat is invading the rest of my body. My shirt has ridden up in this make out session and Jace's hands on my bare back send jolts of electricity on my hypersensitive skin. Slowly he reachs my breast and grazes my nipple over the lace of my bra. His touch is excruciating and puts me on fire. I just want to tear my clothes off to feel his fingers on my bare skin. The moans I let out would usually make me blush but not here, not now.

"Darling ?" his eyes are hooded with lust, his hair totally wild with the tugging of my hands.

Locking my eyes with him, I know at this moment that he can ask me all that he wants, I won't refuse.

"Why don't you wrap those red lips around my cock ?"

See? No possible refusal. I unbuckle and grip the waistband of his jeans and boxers and pull them down enough to free his cock.I get down on my knees and slowly caress the smoothest part of his body. Looking up at him from beneath my lashes, I flick my tongue over the head before taking him in my mouth. He groans, closing his eyes and biting his lips, putting his hands in my hips start thrusting as my tongue caresses and my teeth graze him. I lose myself in the power I have over him at this instant; the moans and grunts that come from him are only because of me. Movements grow more and more urgent , uncontrolled and I know he's close. So close.

A loud bang abruptly stops us.

"what the fuck ?" he's out of breath, trying to regain composure.

"Jace? it's our turn, hurry up"

Rubbing his face, he answers his team mate "Yeah, I' m coming, just a few minutes". He sighs while putting his clothes back on and buckling his belt. I stay kneeling , eyes to the floor, not knowing what to do. The atmosphere has slightly changed, getting from hot and passionnate to extreme embarrassment. I feel shameful after yielding without hesitation. Expecting him to get out of the room without speaking, I'm suprised when he takes my hand to help me get up.

"Clary, look at me" lifting my chin with his finger. He is smiling and I can't help doing the same. He lights up a cigarette.

"I'm sorry for this, I shouldn't have asked you that knowing there's not enough time to take care of you afterwards. It is gonna sound a bit of cliché but it was fucking great." He laughs. "Are you sure you don't have something to write my number? I really want to see you again. Please".

"Trust me, if you search properly, you will find me. If not, then, that's the fate."

He softly cradles my cheek before leaning and kissing me lightly. He tastes of smoke and beer and Jace, taste I'm going to remember forever.


	6. Chapter 6

Whooooooooooa amazing reviews to the last chapter ! Thanks a lot. I was a little bit anxious and shy to write my first lemon but you were so sweet with me I can't wait to give you the second one in a few chapters.

to guests : I don"t think she will say no the next time ;) As for her age, well , why not ? Jace is 26 in this story. Yeah,8 year gap.. again why not ?

to kalexander1984 & lindsayhonaker : hot and badass... yeah ! wait for the next one, i'll make sure to do better

to Delranangel : do you really think that Seb doesn't suspect something ? That she hides it very well ?

Here comes the next chapter. If you were in London in April, watching a certain gig, well, you know where my inspiration comes from ;) If you weren't you sure missed an epic thing.

And as always, characters belong to Cassie and TMI. I love playing and mixing them with reality.

* * *

 _"Down on the West Coast, they love their movies_  
 _Their golden gods and rock and roll groupies_  
 _And you've got the music, you've got the music_  
 _In you, don't you?_

 _You push it hard, I pull away, I'm feeling hotter than fire_  
 _I guess that no one ever really made me feel that much higher_  
 _Te deseo, cariño, boy, it's you I desire_  
 _Your love, your love, our love_

 _I can see my baby swingin'_  
 _His Parliament's on fire and his hands are up_  
 _On the balcony and I'm singing_  
 _Ooh, baby, ooh, baby, I'm in love_  
 _I can see my sweet boy swayin'_  
 _He's crazy y Cubano como yo lala_  
 _On the balcony and I'm saying_  
 _Move baby, move baby, I'm in love"_ Lana Del Rey - **West Coast**

* * *

"Babe, where have you been? I was worried" Sebastian asks.

"To the bathroom , like I said. Why?"

"You left more than twenty minutes ago" he replies, rising his eyebrows.

God.

All seems to have happened in a fraction of time. I nervously laugh " Don't worry, I haven't been kidnapped. I met some great fans outside and talked with them. Think I must have lost the notion of time."

He gently cups my cheeks and kisses me. The weight of his lips, the taste of his mouth, the chasteness of his kiss, all feels terribly wrong.

"Great because I don't want to lose you, no matter what. You know that, right ?" he retorts, staring me down before swallowing the rest of his glass.

At this exact moment, I am grateful for the darkness of the room. For would it have been more light, he would undoubtedly have noticed the guilt all over my face; from the dishevelment of my hair to the brightness of my eyes, from my swollen lips to the red marks on my neck.

My wedding ring suddenly feels too heavy on my finger, the bar feels too small, there's no enough air. And as I'm going to ask Seb to get out, total darkness fills the room. Shouts rise from the crowd : the band is coming.

Blue lightning. Movements on the stage. Heart beating faster and faster. The complete delusion : as if the sight of him grabbing his guitar may have not aroused feelings and memories in me. As if what happened can be forgotten just with the change of scenery.

Music begins and crowd erupts. His name is uttered around me among shouts and giggles. He approaches the mic. His face is so tensed and closed, I don't recognize the Jace I've just left. I recognize the cocky and arrogant Jace I've met at first, and under his mask, I can feel his terror and stage fright.

He checks his mic again and again, his eyes lost on the audience, then stretches his arms. The other members of the band look at him with anxiety, waiting for him to start singing.

"well he's freaking out, your precious Jace" Sebastian whispers to my ear.

I keep my eyes on the stage, ignoring his comment. "Go on Jace, you can do it, breathe, Go on..." I nervously think.

Suddenly,at the same time of the first chords, his deep and sultry voice resounds. In a few seconds, he turns into the awesome singer he is, making the girls crazy with just a whisper of words.

I let my mine wander with his singing and music

* * *

 _(Jace point of view)_

 _Damn it, I'm totally freaking out. What if they don't like my music, what if they find me totally ridiculous? What if I'm losing my voice?_

 _I'm standing in the darkness, I perfectly know that my bandmates have started playing. But I can't do it. I feel their tension around me, and yet I'm going to deceive them._

 _I try to focus on Clary's words, what did she say to me? Gosh, why can't I remember nothing except her delicate frame, her hands and her lips around me? Not the best thing to focus on at this precise moment. Damn it._

 _Spotlights spread a white light over the room and I try to find her. I'm searching frantically for red curls and brown eyes but I can't spot her among all those bodies lining in front of me. Knowing she's here somewhere, I gather my courage and grasp the mic... Let's do it._

 _No more fear._

 _No more hesitation._

 _Since the beginning of the third song, I'm at one with my mic and audience is singing every single line with me and I can't be happier. Jordan, Magnus and Alec, my team mates, totally nail it, the loud sound of their instruments following the sound of my voice. I come closer to the edge of the stage, strumming my guitar while Magnus is beating his drums with force. I close my eyes, letting me lulled by the rhythm he's giving, listening to the clapping in front of me._

 _With the last chords I grab my bottle, and after drinking, showers the bodies in front of me with and giggles emerge from the room and at this precise moment, I see her. Just a few feet from me, wiping the water she received, and smiling to a tall man with dark hair next to her, a man who is recording the whole show on his phone. I immediately understand he's Clary's husband and I chuckle: Yeah man Go on, record this, look at me very closely. You don't have the slightest idea of what I've done to this pretty wife of yours. Or even more, what she gas done to me._

 _Yeah I'm horrible. And arrogant. And possessive and jealous. This is a new kind of feeling in me. But I hate the thought of his hands all over her body. A body that I have yet to discover. Because I'm sure I will see her in a near future. I feel it._

 _Smirking at the idea of what I'm planning to say, I search her eyes in front of me. I see her gasping, realizing I have spotted her in the crowd. My next words are only for her._

 _"You've loved it. I can see it in your eyes... Call me."_

* * *

(Clary's point of view)

His words are hitting like a slap in the face. If I wonder if he has spotted me in the crowd, his burning eyes and what he has just said give me an answer. What people around me take as a joke is a sentence heavy with meaning for me. Sentence that increases this pang of guilt.

OF course I've loved it. Every second of it, even if I shouldn't.

The soreness in my jaw, the tingles on my skin are constant reminders of my fault. Yes, a terrible fault. Because I have no will and I'm a cheater. Because in my inner self, I'm happy that he kind of mentions me in front of everyone as a beautiful secret and I am delighted of the fact that he wants to see me again. Because I feel alive for the first time since many years. Alive but not free.

"You precious Jace is frustrated after his break up. No doubt he will find lots of girls to satisfy him tonight" Sebastian laughs.

I snap "Can't you fucking stop calling him like that? He's not my precious Jace for God's sake"

His words are the reality. I am just some unknow fangirl amongst lots of others. He is who he is, he has only to ask if he wants to come back home with a woman. And that will be the case tonight, for sure. After all, he has done it with me. And I have yielded so easily. Too easily. No regrets, no remorse, but I feel so stupid. Perhaps it's better like that, to come back to my life, tell Sebastien and try to earn his forgiveness.

"Babe I'm joking, don't be angry"  
"Sorry, it's just... Nevermind. He's not mine you know, just someone I admire a lot"  
"I know. I do belong to you. As you do belong to me, right ?"

I smile lightly but deep down within myself, I'm starting to find his declarations of love a bit weird. We don't usually express such feelings to each other, occasional I Love You but we are not people to openly declare their love like that. Does he suspect something ? Or is he just jealous, now that my long time obsession is in the flesh in front of us ?

"Of course" I answer, rather focusing on the golden god in front of us.

He sings song after song, his voice clear and sultry, his music loud. As time goes, some sweat is running down his face, and his blond hair are plastered on his head. The cross he has drawn on his throat is becoming a mess of red lines trickling on his skin. He seems to be exhausted and yet, I've never found him sexier.

I'm literally awestruck that everyone know the lyrics of every song of the band. There is no album yet, just vids of past gigs on internet. And yet people are in a trance, singing by heart and dancing, totally devoted to him and his voice. I think I've never been prouder in my life of being part of such a frenzy.

"This is fucking awesome..." he laughs, grinning from ear to ear. "Okay guys... It is being a fucking pleasure to stand up here and play for you guys. We love all of you. But this is our last song..."

Fans cry out of disappointment. I realize in a few minutes, he will disappear from my life.

"Yeah short and sweet... That's how I like it" Giggles increase in the crowd and I feel the heat spreading into my body at his words.

"All right.. Let's do this".

For the last time tonight, I see him stroking his guitar and banging his head, completely possessed by what he is playing. He pours his soul in this last song, binging on the love and worship of the fans before him, no doubt burning all these images in his mind. This show is a real success and I"m sure he must be ecstatic.

I hear his voice uttering the last lyrics in a mess of sounds rising from the drums and the guitare and then, applauses resound. For a long time. He is in semi darkness but I can catch a glimpse of a smile on his face. He grabs the mic for the last time, spreading his arms, figuratively inviting the world to throw itself on him.

"Thank you so much.. I'm Jace Wayland and you've been fucking brilliant.. Come find us later, we'll have sex"

He immediately leaves the stage, shattering my mind and even if I don't want to admit it, my heart, into a million of pieces.


	7. Chapter 7

Thanks again for all the wonderful reviews I got for the last chapter !

to **delranangel** : who knows ? I've answered you . you have a PM  
to **kalexander1984** : everyone is gonna get a bit jealous I think, their situation isn't gonna be easy. Angst is never far away  
to **lindsayhonaker** : If you were Clary, would you want to be found ? Yeah, I guess, me too...

Next chapter just for you .. (Jace point of view is in italic). And as always, characters belong to Cassie and TMI. I love playing and mixing them with antsy reality.

* * *

 _"Man this was awesome... Have you seen all these people here just for us? What a success! We need to do it again soon... Oh god how I can get used to this craziness" gushes Jordan, hugging us in turn. He is the last addition to the band and it's his first gig. Me, Magnus and Alec did public pop up shows last year but this one is the first one to get such a fervour._

 _I sprawl on the couch, totally exhausted and grab the beer that Magnus he's holding._

 _That was incredible. The show. And moreover what happened before. I hope she understands all my innuendos and that she will find a way to contact me._

 _Alec sits beside me, chuckling._

 _"You picked someone in the crowd to bring back home, did you ?"_

 _"uh no. Why are you saying that?"_

 _"Jace, your last sentence. You know that going out of the pub is gonna be crazy.. I know for sure they are already waiting for us."_

 _How can I be so stupid? My words were just for Clary. A hint for her to come to me. Brilliant. Now I am gonna be stuck in that pub taking pictures, which I like doing, but above all trying not to hear tons of indecent proposals. And believe me, woman are worse than men when they want to get laid, yeah. They don't bother with finding a great turn of phrase, they call a spade a spade. Guess I'm gonna deal with that tonight._

 _Unless I manage to leave without being seen. That will be great. But almost impossible._

 _"Guys,is it possible for you to check outside if there is a lot of people? I kind of want to leave unnoticed"_

 _Jordan laughs. "Why Jace? Don't tell me you don't want to honour your words? Man, you're insane. They are here just for you!"_

 _"No. Not tonight."_

 _This moment with Clary was so perfect,she ruins me for every other girl tonight I fear._

 _"Well, you're crazy. At least, thanks to your words,we are so gonna get laid tonight. Thanks for the help" he answers, leaving the room._

 _"Spill it, Jace. What is it?"_

 _I look at Alec. I have known him since forever and he can read me so well._

 _"Nothing really. I'm just not in the mood, that's all"_

 _"Well,you seemed to be in that mood during the show with all your hints. Since when does Jace Wayland decline this kind of proposal?"_

 _I can't answer to that without explaining him my encounter with Clary._

 _"Tell me, you have met someone tonight, right?"_

 _"How do you know that?"_

 _"When I knocked the door before the show. Let's say there were some characteristic sounds coming from the room. You wasn't especially silent you know. As usual. And then I saw a redhead leaving after you. It's her right?"_

 _"Yeah. She opened the door by mistake, we talked for a while. She really found the words to calm me, to give me strength to do this. You saw me the whole past week, I was horrible with you lot, I couldn't release tension. And then, one thing leading to another, well, you heard."_

 _"I"m glad you enjoyed your time before the show. Why not enjoying your after show with another fan?"_

 _"I don't want another one" I whisper._

 _"Jace" he sighs. "Stick to your rule"._

 _Yes, the rules I've made. Getting laid with fans but never twice, never the same. Never letting them into your life, never getting involved. Have fun while being respectful, but that's all. We don't need more crazy stalkers._

 _"It's not like that, Alec. She didn't even want to do more than talking I guess. She had kind words for me. She turned me down at first"_

 _"Someone resisted you? Well that's a new thing! So, are you gonna try to see her again?"_

 _I know my next words will make him jump off his seat._

 _"Ahem.. She lives in France.. And she happens to be married."_

 _He explodes. "Are you kidding me? One more reason not to see her again. Last months have been rough for you and believe me, you don't want to be in this kind of situation.. Again."_

 _Yes. One more complicated situation. Like the last one. That left me heartbroken when Aline dumped me. We were together for one year, in love. She was happy in her modeling and acting activities,me in new projects, when she began talking babies and wedding. Maybe the pressure was too strong, I'm only 26, and I freaked out. I took the first beautiful girl I've met in a bar and cheated on my girlfriend with her. And since I'm honest and can't lie, I told her everything afterwards. Of course, she left, taking all her belongings and erasing me of her life. My friends said it was for the best. According to them, she was using me and my notoriety to become famous and get lots of contracts. Maybe. But it left me fucking broken. And alone. And since, my nights have consisted of writing songs or bringing girls at home. Not my house but to Alec's flat. I'm not reckless enough to give my address to fans. Or everyone else._

 _"I don't want to get involved with her or have an affair with her Alec.. It's just that what happened was enough for me tonight if I can't finish what I've begun with her. And since her husband is here with her, I can't face her now. It won't be a good thing for her. I don't want her to deal with that"_

 _"Do you want me to check if she's outside? If she is, you can go out through the fire exit?"_

 _"Yeah it would be great. Thanks" I reply as he leaves the room._

* * *

Electronic music has replaced the sound of guitars since the band has finished its set. There was no encore , some guys came to take the instruments and mics back and the stage has been remaining empty since then. Like many others, I can't resolve to leave the room.

The air is still heavy with what happened and no one is ready to stop feeling this fervour. I am drinking my fourth glass of the night and I begin to feel a bit tipsy. Drunk enough to cope with what I've done. I don't know anymore what I'm feeling. I am going from a depressed "oh my god what have I done?" to an excited "Oh my god what I've done!". Going from Clary you're a slut to Clary you're a goddess.

I know that my life will be a rollercoaster in the next days. No doubt I love Sebastian. But this moment with Jace has aroused something new in me. I feel wanted, I feel powerful, I feel beautiful. Who wouldn't feel like this after that kind of encounter? When someone who is as famous and gorgeous as him notices you, who would have the force to resist? And I tried. Really hard. But this kind of moment only happens once. And you have to grab your chance or always regret it. I take the blame of what I have done. But the worst is to come. To deal with it. To look Seb in the eyes before he kisses me. To come back to reality. To live as nothing ever happened.

Because it stops here. He won't search me on twitter. And even if he does it, I won't be found. It was a pleasant moment but it will go nowhere. It must stay like this; a guilty beautiful memory.

"Do you want another beer, babe? Or do you wanna go?"

"Let's go, I'm tired and a bit drunk I think" and with the words, I definitely turn the page of that night.

I follow Seb through the pub to the exit. People are gathered there, waiting for Jace and his band to come and take pictures.

"I suppose you want to wait for them to get a picture"

"No, we can go back to the hotel"

"No? The whole past week, you have spoken of what you would tell him, how you wanted to have a picture with him. And now we're here, you want to leave? What's the matter with you? You're acting very strange since the beginning of the concert."

His voice is full of reproach. It's true I have bothered him for a long time with this trip and I get that he doesn't understand my apparent behaviour. I don't know if I can face Jace now and act as if nothing happened. But I have to try, in order not to arouse his suspicion. I don't think he can imagine me with Jace but I prefer not to take the risk.

"Babe, I don't want to bother you. I know you've made efforts to come here tonight and I don't want to push my luck".

I intertwine my fingers with his.

"I want you to be happy. Get your pic, I'm sure he will be honoured to be photographed with a gorgeous woman like you"

I nervously glance at the door where I see movement. Jordan is the first to appear and girls immediately hand him papers to sign. He is a beautiful man, tall with a sculpted body and always has a big smile on his face. He is signing to every one and is having a little chat with the group in front of him.

Alec is the second to appear and immediately goes to a group of fans he seems to know, next to us. Our eyes lock and I know that Jace has told him. Here's my chance to know if he is gonna get out or not.

"Babe, I'm gonna see Alec. You don't mind to bring back my glass inside please?"

He nods, leaving me alone.

Looking at him entering the bar, Alec immediately approaches me.

"Hey,I'm Alec. Listen, Jace isn't going to come outside if you don't want to see him. He knows it could be awkward with your husband."

I am speechless. "God, he told you everything"

He laughs "Everything? No. He told me the second part of the story. I have heard the first one when I came to knock at the door".

I blush.

"look. I'm not gonna judge you or anything. But according to the situation nothing good can come from this. Just an advice: You should forget about Jace. You have an happy life abroad, don't waste it for him. He's my friend but it can't work."

I am convinced of everything he is saying.

"Thank you Alec. I'm relieved he won't go out tonight. I don't know how I would have faced him. Could you pass a word for me?"

"Sure"

"Just tell him how amazing he was tonight. I'm proud of him and won't forget that moment."

He apologetically smiles. Ke knows that I don't mean the concert when I'm speaking of that moment. He knows that he basically told me to run from his best friend if I want to be happy. I'm not naive, I know well that I'm just one amongst the others but it's human for a woman to want to believe she is the only one in one man's life, if not in his heart, at least in his bed. Knowing that no one will get a picture of him tonight and that I have been the only one to touch and look closely at him is what I can get at best. And it's enough for me.


	8. Chapter 8

Soooooooo ... here's another chapter for you !

I will be pretty busy in the next 10 days and should not be able to update. You guys might find some answers to your questions in that chapter. I hope you(ll like it, can't wait to read your reaction. If you want to really feel the mood of the scene, don't hesitate to listen to the songs I mention at the beginning of some chapters. Music really helps my writing.

Again, thanks for all your reviews and follows. When I started writing all this nonsense lingering in my mind, I would't have thought people would take the time to read it, even less like it. Your sweet words mean the world to me, so again thank to all of you.

* * *

 _"Take care of all the love you spend_  
 _It's wasting to nothing_  
 _Beware of wolves who hide their teeth_  
 _They'll take you and leave you_

 _Should I be like a Russian doll?_  
 _A statue in the cold_  
 _As empty as a shell_  
 _Or make a final stand_  
 _Go back to what we had_  
 _I'm stepping out from my defenses_

 _This is a call to arms_  
 _Will you embrace me_  
 _Before it's too late, baby?_  
 _This is a call to arms_  
 _Will you embrace me_  
 _Before it's too late, baby?_  
 _This is a call to arms_  
 _Will you save me?_  
 _Will you save me?_

 _My love, the drums are calling_  
 _A red sky, a warning_ "

 **Laura Janssen** \- A call to Arms

* * *

 _Going out through the fire exit was the best thing to do. There was nobody waiting there except one young woman. I declined her demand for a picture but signed her ticket and chatted a bit._

 _Alec has told me he has seen Clary and passed me her words. I can't believe it's going to end like this. Without seeing her again._

 _I don't understand why I have such a feeling of frustration when I'm thinking about her. Maybe because I'm an asshole and I always get what I want with girls. Yeah I mean sex. But not only that. I'm feeling jealous. How can she come back to her husband after being with me? But again, why would she have chosen me? I have nothing to offer her except a few night stands, plenty of good times and interesting talks like we had maybe. But above all a lot of problems. And she seems to be a good girl, honest and loving and I don't want her to have a complicated life because of me._

 _"What are you thinking about, Gorgeous? You seem lost"._

 _I feel fingers running through my hair. Turning my head, I saw Kaelie sitting next to me in the couch. After the show, it was Jordan's idea to party at Alec's and my boys brought back some girls they have met at the bar. Kaelie was a fan we've met some years ago. She managed to enter our life through Jordan. This moron finds her stunning and funny and I even suspect him to have a crush on her. But unfortunately for him, she desperately clings to me, in the hope that one day I will be hers._

 _It won't happen. Ever. Despite the fact that she is indeed a very beautiful woman, the annoying fact that she follows us everywhere is enough to repel me. I have never given her the idea that one day I will give in since I've met her. And yet, she is still there._

 _Nevertheless, I must have let my guard down tonight since it's the first time she has dared to touch me._

 _I sigh. 'What do you want Kaelie?"_

 _"You know what I want Gorgeous"_

 _Even that nickname annoys me. She must be a bit drunk because she isn't normally so brave._

 _"It won't happen Kaelie. You know that. Leave me alone"_

 _"But you seem so angry. You know you can tell me everything. I will do everything to make you happier."_

 _Damned girl even bats her lashes. Such a cliche . I roll my eyes. "Well what would make me happy just now is a fucking drink"_

 _Of course, she hands me her glass. Reluctantly I sniff it: Vodka. No wonder she is drunk._

 _I swallow it, letting the deep taste burn my throat. A welcoming heat spread through my body and my mind, numbing me._

 _Music around me is loud, people are dancing and chatting. I laugh. Do all these girls know that tonight they will finish in my mates's beds? Well that's the point of this kind of party right? That's what the rock stars do aftershow, don't they? I'm not ashamed of that._

 _You can count on Kaelie to remind you that. This girl never gives up. She is still sitting besides me. I smile at her. She isn't a bad person, she is just terribly annoying. The kind of girl you don't let in._

 _And yet, as she climbs on my lap, I say nothing. I'm totally numb from the quantity of alcohol I absorbed tonight. I grip her hips and feel her shamelessly moving against me. My body immediately reacts and I harden against her._

 _"Leaving you alone? Your body says otherwise"_

 _"Shut up Kaelie" I snap but I don't stop her movements._

 _I tilt my head back to avoid seeing her face. Like I said, she's easy on the eye but her blonde hair and her blue eyes feel so wrong. Closing my eyes, the only face I see is Clary's. Red long curls and soft brown-green eyes. And I hate that. If I can't ever see again, I must erase her from my thoughts. And the only means is actually sitting in my lap._

 _I feel Kaelie's lips trailing kisses on my neck up to my jaw, his fingers tugging at my shirt. She clings to me, leaning every part of her body against mine._

 _My hands have suddenly their own mind and grope her thighs, lifting her short skirt. Her skin is hot and smooth and she shivers against my touch._

 _I warn her "Kaelie, listen to me. If we keep on doing that, it will be once. Just once. And I'll never see you again. Do you understand me?"_

 _I see a glimpse of sadness in her eyes. Of course she understands that whatever happens won't lead to a love story. She has been in our circle long enough to know my rules. It's up to her to decide._

 _"I know Gorgeous. But I have been waiting for that moment since the day I've seen you. Kiss me"_

 _I cup her cheek roughly and press my lips on hers. Her hands grip my neck and push me against her. My tongue licks her upper lip and she opens to me. Although she is a good kisser,this kiss is nothing compared those I've shared with Clary previously. Whereas she and I fought for dominance, putting passion and fervour in it, Kaelie just follows me. Whereas Clary treated me as equal, Kaelie is almost shy in her way of touching me._

 _"Relax Kaelie"_

 _I sigh, tugging at his panties aside. No sweet words, no much foreplay. In those moments, while being kind, I don't act as if I care. It's easier for girls not to getting attached to me. My fingers caress her and loud moans come from her._

 _"Is this what you wanted?" I chuckle._

 _She's out of breath. "More, please."_

 _"Then let's move this to a more private place"._

 _She immediately jumps off my lap and put her clothes in order. I lock eyes with Alec, across the room. With a nod of his head, he gives me an approving blessing._

 _"Follow me" I tell Kaelie while standing. She tries to take my hand, but I avoid her by lighting a cig. No intimate touch. Holding hands is always for the woman I am in love with, not for some random girl I fuck._

 _I lead her to the back of the flat where I know there's a spare room. Closing the door behind us, I take the time to observe her while taking a long drag on my fag. She seems unsure of being here. Almost afraid. I give her a last chance to back away from this._

 _"Are you sure you want to do this, Kaelie? You can still go back to the party."_

 _I throw my cig in the ashtray and take my shirt off. I know I'm not playing fair. I know that once she sees me, she won't say no. Girls always have a weakness for tattoo. And I'm pretty much covered of it._

 _She licks her lips, her eyes glued to my torso. "Oh yes, I'm sure."_

 _A smirk appears on my face. "Then strip down and come to me"_

* * *

I keep on tossing and turning into bed, unable to find my sleep. Seb is profoundly asleep next to me, snoring.

We came back to the hotel two hours ago and as soon as we stepped into the room, he pinned me against the door, his hands roaming over my body. Coming from him, it has surprised me. He's not that kind of guy. Caring and loving but never passionate. I tried to tell him that I was not in the mood for that but he couldn't accept a refusal.

He pleaded and kept on repeating "Say that you're mine babe. Please"

His words broke my heart. I have a beautiful husband who is deeply in love with me and I betrayed him in the most disgusting way. And yet, I found no appeal in his kisses, I didn't come apart under his touch. He had the wrong hair colour, his skin wasn't enhanced by black ink, his eyes weren't burning with lust.

The most conflicted thoughts run through my mind. Will it always be like that? Have Jace ruined me for the rest of my life? Will I feel his ghostly touch against my skin for days and feel nothing under the fingers of Seb? How will I be able to live with this burden?

How can a small encounter leave some many traces? How can lust be stronger than love? Is is just lust I am feeling for Jace? Or something deeper despite the fact that I don't know him at all?

When I came to the show tonight, I had the hope to see him, hear him singing, and perhaps get a picture with him. Not talking alone with him or even less having nearly sex with him. My fingers immediately reach my lips. Those lips which have touched his skin, and done unspeakable things to him. His taste still lingers in my mouth, as well as his scent on my skin.

The memories of the night are still vivid in my head and prevent me from finding the sleep. I grab my phone on the nightstand and log on twitter. I have avoided doing it since our return but now I can't wait to go to his account.

He retweeted a few videos of the show, uploaded by spectators. The only one he commented one was the last one, showing his very last words.

 **TheJaceWayland**  
Probably shouldn't have said that. Sorry guys if I had to leave that early,couldn't get the risk to get mobbed

I smile. As Alec said, he left unnoticed. No pics of him can be found in my timeline and this fact makes me happy. Just for tonight, he has been mine. And his last tweet makes my heart jump.

 **theJaceWayland**  
Best pre show vibes ever. Unforgettable.

A pic is added to the tweet: A black and white photo of his guitar against the wall backstage. I can still hear him behind me, putting his instruments along the wall, before caging me in his arms.

I nearly hit the favourite button and stop. Do I want to give him the means to find me? And yet, thousands of people have done the same. One mention more or less doesn't count. He must have lots of them.. He won't be able to find me even if he's spending his time on twitter.

I decide to hit the button. This tweet is too precious to me not to do it. Then I add mine on my own account.

 **londonaddict**  
That was FUCKIN epic. #drunk #gift.


	9. Chapter 9

You've asked for it... Here comes the update ! Sorry for the delay, last weeks were pretty busy. But I'm in holidays in a few days and I may been able to update quite often.

Don't forget to review if you like my rambling. I will wirtually kiss you.

And as always, characters belong to Cassie and TMI. I love playing and mixing them with antsy reality.

* * *

"Claaaaaaaary"

I smile. Izzy is totally wasted in front of me. She's giggling and fidgeting next to Simon who sports a stupid smile on his face.

God, it wasn't a good decision to invite them to party with us before our trip tomorrow. It's the first time I've seen them drinking alcohol and they clearly aren't used to. They wanted to celebrate our incoming day abroad together.

Simon is Sebastian's best friend. They met at work a few years ago and quickly became inseparable. When he introduces me to him and his lovely and gorgeous wife Izzy, I instantaneously love them. They are the nicest and loyal friends one could dream of.

When Sebastian told me they had never been to London, we decided to take them with us on our next trip as a Christmas present. So here we are, five months later, smiling at their apparent excitment.

Except that my feeling towards London has slighlty changed since our decision. It's been now two weeks since the gig and Jace. Nothing has changed for me , I have told nothing to Seb and I'm doing as nothing happened by talking about jace's tweets in a daily basis as I've done before. I can't arouse Seb's suspicions and we've never talked of that night since then.

For the two past weeks, things have been the same for him. He has kept on tweeting random phrases, pics and music and I occasionally see pictures of him with fans appear on my timeline. I've chatted a bit with long time fans, all disappointed that no one was able to see him after the show that night. Only Kaelie granted us with a mysterious "I did" and had remained silent since her declaration.

God, even if I have no rights on him, I hate this girl.

She's been following him for years and even when she claims she has no sexual/boyfriend motivation towards him everybody knows that one word from him will be enough for her to fall at his feet.

Yes, like me. But it wasn't planned. And if I hadn't opened that door, nothing would have happened. My ultimate goal wasn't even to meet him, just to see him from afar and listen to him singing.

And now I feel so nervous to go there tomorrow even if there's no chance at all that we all bump into him.

"Claaaaaaaaryyyy. Earth to Claryyyyyyy"

"Yes Izzy. You're drunk, you know."

"Yeeeees and it feels so good. I've not partied like that since uni"

I chuckle. Simon and her have met while being relatively young and quickly settled. They are leading a quiet and happy life, enjoying cinema dates and quiet evenings. No wonder they forgot how to handle their liquor!

"Jaaaaaaaace"

I snap. "Jace who?"

"Your Jaaaace, Clary. Your crush"

"And?"

"Tomorrow we are going in his town.. We are gonna search for hiiiiim"

"Don't be silly, Izzy"

"Yes, we are gonna bring luck to you. You'll see, I know we are gonna to meet him" she laughs.

I stand up and gather the empty glasses on the table. My crush isn't a secret for anybody. Seb always likes to tease me about it in front of our friends.

I take the dirty dishes with me to the kitchen while Seb and Simon settle in front of the Xbox. Damn geeks. Men and their games. At least I will be in peace to do the washing up.

After a while, Izzy joins me in the kitchen. She seems to have sobered up a bit.

"Do you want some help? You are here alone doing all the chores"

"that's ok Iz, I've almost finished. Go enjoy your night"

She rests a hand on my shoulder and smiles at me. "What is happening to you? You seem on edge. You are not the Clary I know. Is there something wrong?"

"I'm just a bit tired that's all. You know with the kids at school"

"Don't lie to me Clary. I know when you're tired and that's not the case. Besides, you've just had two weeks off. Is it something I've said? Or I've done?"

I look at her. I would like so much to confess to her what's been haunting me since two weeks. I could really use a comprehensive mind to help me with my burden. But it's not possible. How can someone tell to her best friend that that she nearly cheated on her husband when said husband happens to be bff's husband? Well you understand. I'm so screwed. And this guilt is eating me.

"Nothing Iz. Really"

"Do you have issues with Seb? It's the baby thing right?"

Yeah the baby thing. We have been married for three years, together for 13, and since our wedding day, we have felt this kind of pressure upon us to have a baby. Family, friends,even colleagues. As if once you're married you must procreate. The desire is here, for both of us but I don't feel like doing it now. And at first Sebastian agreed with me. We were still young, we worked a lot and we didn't have time for a child. But since a few months, he seems to have changed his mind and has spoken about it quite regularly. It might be due to the fact that a lot of colleagues and friends have decided to get pregnant at the same time. Bloody girls and their biological clock. Which works faster than mine.

The subject often comes between us and even if he tells me that it's ok to wait, I know that he desperately wants to become a dad. I don't want to become a mum. Not now. I've still awesome things to experiment, some awesome places to visit and some foolish things to do.

"uh yeah, it must be the baby thing."

"Don't worry sweetie, il will happen one day".

I cringe. Like everybody else, our best friends think that we don't suceed in making a baby, not that we don't want one for the moment. But I stay silent and don't react. I've had this conversation with so many people and it only leads to misunderstanding.

* * *

I _scroll through the tons of mentions I have everyday._

 _In the two weeks that have just passed, I haven't lose hope to find Clary. I read every line I get on Twitter. And believe me, it's not an easy task. I searched for a longer line between all the "jace ily" or "jace follow me". They have been all I've read since I opened my account. I don't bothered with reading short answers as they are likely to be "hello" or "ily". But nothing. I haven't found her. Or haven't recognized her yet. I even searched through Kaelie's followers. That girl knows a great deal of my fans and I hope Clary would be one of them. But no. I even looked at the favourite mentions of the concert tweets. But it's like looking for a needle in a haystack._

 _Hoping that she's still checking my account, I decide to post something especially for her. I add a black and white picture of the gig showing the band on the stage and taken from the back of the room :_

 _ **thejacewayland**  
_ _Still buzzing. Still hoping to find those pre show vibes again._

 _My phone roars. The notifications come one after the other at a crazy rhythm. The same regular ones. The same followers. I smile at reading some of them. I have a small group of fans that answer each of my tweets with wit, humor and cleverness and I must admit I regularly go and check their account. I have even the impression of knowing them. As they have the feeling of knowing me._

 _ **marvellouskaelie  
**_ _still remembering that night_

 _I would have been surprised if Kaelie wouldn't have answered. She keeps on sending me daily tweets as usual, each time pointing at that night. I debate on whether blocking her or not but she might be useful to trace Clary so I endure her daily rambling._

 _I would like so much to share the good news with her. After the show, we were approached by a producer who offered us to sign a contract. If all goes well, our first record must been released at the end of the year. After her kind words that gave me strength to go on stage, it's the least I can do._

 _In the last notifications I get, I spot a few that deserve reading._

 _ **AnnaBird**  
We are still buzzing from this night _

_**lindaSmith  
**_ _Can't wait to see you again playing. Awesome night_

 _ **londonaddict**  
I'm sure you will be able to find that vibe again ;) _

_**jacewaylandlover**  
You were amazing. This pre show vibe needs to return for another gig _

_It is the first time I have seen this account, londonaddict. It is definitely someone who came to the concert as there was a photo of me on stage. As I read all her tweets (yeah I'm sure it's a girl.. I have no boy tweeting me), my mind gets confused. This could be her. That girl is clearly not English, she tweets a lot about music and her trips to London. She came to our gig. I try to find her face in the pics she added but all I can find was a photo of black chucks._

 _Damn it, why can't I remember if those shoes were the kind of Clary could have worn? I don't think she wears stilettos or boots, at least that night I didn't feel heels in my back when she had wrapped her legs around my waist._

 _As I try to remember this detail, my screen comes to life again. The owner of this account has just tweeted._

 _ **londonaddict**  
Tomorrow. Another trip to London. Different taste this time._

 _ **londonaddict**  
Keeping my eyes open in the streets._

 _Could it be her tweeting ? I hesitate to answer her. But I have another rule. Never answer someone you don't know, never favourite or answer a fan's tweet, never favour one rather the other. I'm a bit of a paranoid, I know._

 _As she said, if we are to find each other again, it will be fate. If she's in London tomorrow, well, let's see if we meet._

 _I can't help smiling at the view of the last line, that have just appeared on my screen. Yeah, it is her. Memories._

 _ **londonaddict  
** Shall I change my username into MrsRedLips maybe ?_

* * *

My cheeks redden as I shut down my phone.

The last tweet I've just sent doesn't mean anything for the average people but I know that he will recognize me if he reads it.

I take the risk. Anyway I'm too stuck in this. I need to try to contact him.


	10. Chapter 10

Sorry for this long time of silence. Life is sometimes happily unpredictable. But I've finally finished the tenth chapter.

As always characters belong to Cassie and TMI. I love playing and mixing them with antsy reality.

* * *

"I am so tired" Izzie complains. "my feet are so painful"

"well who had the great idea of wearing heels today? Seriously?" I laugh.

We have walked around London since out arrival in the morning. Big ben, Westminster, Buckingham Palace, Picadilly Circus, Soho, Tower Bridge, all the tourist attractions. I want Izzie and Simon's first trip to London to be a real success. We even ate in a pub a few hours ago, an iconic fish and now, they seem happy but totally exhausted. Especially Izzy whose feet are badly painful. She is the girl that thinks that wearing four inch heels for a day of walking is a good idea.

"Please Clary, have pity on us, let us rest for a moment" Simon laughs.

"Okay Si, I think I have tortured you enough for one day."

I spot a bench along the Thames where we can sit for a few minutes before resuming our walk. We are lucky, the weather is nice, a light wind but sunny.

"Here, sit down. And stop complaining. You can't want to see one of the most beautiful cities without walking around".

The view we have from the bench is amazing. I let seb talking with his friends and (s écarter) to take a Picture of st Paul cathedral in front of me, to post on my Twitter account.

 **londonaddict  
** "A beautiful day in London. Feeling like being at home. Always a pleasure to visit it with friends"

And I add.

 **londonaddict**  
"Special memories of my last visit"

Do I hope he will read it? Yes. Do I hope he will find me? Yes.

Something has changed since yesterday and my conversation with Izzy. I have realized that this baby is what everybody is expecting of me, family, friends, and Seb. Everyone wants me to be someone I am not. When all I want is enjoy life and be free. I don't know where that will lead me if he finds me but I need to try. That moment has totally changed me, what I feel, what I want. I despise what I have in mind but I can't help myself.

"Clary! Do you want something to eat?" I turn to see Seb standing next to me. Izzy and Simon are still sitting on the bench sharing an ice cream.

"No thanks, I'm good. You know what? While they're eating, I'm going to quickly visit the Tate Modern. Do you want to come with me?"

He laughs: "God no, Babe. You know what I think of modern art, or art in general. I prefer waiting with our friends. Take a moment alone, you deserve it after this day spent playing guide around London".

"Thanks! See you in an hour, okay ?" I say, pecking him on the lips.

I am totally in love with museums, especially this one. Apart from very modern art that I don't like that much, there are a few French paintings of Picasso and masterpiece of Dali that I love seeing each time I come in London.

Before entering the place, I take a photo of the building and tweet it

 **londonaddict  
** "Quietest place in London to get lost in thought for an hour. En route to my favourite painting".

xxxxx

The museum is nearly empty on this sunny afternoon. It is the perfect time to view art without being disturbed by loud voices of huge groups of tourists. I can easily walk in the aisles, enjoying paintings and sculptures I have already seen a dozen times.

Drinking coffee from a paper cup, I go to the last room of the second floor to one of my favourite painting, a triptych of Francis Bacon. The place is totally empty which is very unusual. I don't complain, I can sit in front of it and contemplate it.I don't know why, but I have always loved this work of art. And all the works of Bacon. From the colours to the lines, everything in his paintings represent chaos and pain. And I love that. Guess it suits my state of mind, especially at the moment.

The sun is hitting my face through the window next to me and I'm basking in it. I close my eyes to completely appreciate the quietness of the place.

Suddenly I feel the bench move besises me. Great. When I want to be alone, there is always someone to annoy me. Take twenty free seats in a room, you can be sure that if someone comes to sit, it will be next to me. I am always that lucky, yeah. I decide to keep my eyes closed, maybe it will scare my intruder.

"I didn't think you were a Bacon admirer. I would have bet for something happier".

My heart leaps at these words. At this voice. It can't be. It shouldn't be. I may be dreaming. If I don't open my eyes, I won't wake up right? I don't want to wake up, I want to keep on believing that I know this voice.

"how can you admire it with your eyes closed?" He laughs. "I know it by heart, the painting is imprinted in my mind" ... As your face is, I almost add. I don't have to open my eyes to remember every line of his gorgeous self, for fear that if I do, he disappears.

"your eyes are too beautiful to stay closed, Darling" he replies, almost whispering.

How to resist this? His seductive tone is leaving me no chance. No other choice than turning my head towards him and opening my eyes. And nothing can top that moment when I look at these blue eyes and this smirk. It feels like meeting him for the first time and yet like knowing him since a long time.

"How... how.. do.. you know I was here?" I stammer.

"I recognized the place from the pic you posted on your account.. I live very close".

"I can't believe you have found me. There are so many people that follow you".

He gently touches my cheek , smiling. "Fate, right? As you said, mrs Red Lips. By the way, this name user would definitely suits you better". With these words, his finger lightly grazes my lower lip. If I think my cheeks couldn't get redder, it was before this moment. All I can think is kiss his finger, pull at his hair, devouring his mouth. With just the sound of his voice, he makes me feel so alive. So free. He can almost make me forget I am not here alone.

I flinch and get up, looking around me for traces of Seb.

"Relax, Clary. He is still sitting on a bench in front of the Thames. I have seen him before going in". In front of my puzzled look,he explains: "I saw you with him during the show two weeks ago".

I sit down again, nervously twisting my fingers. He immediately takes my hand in his:

"Stop That. We aren't breaking any rules. We are just chatting. Don't feel guilty".

"I am not confortable, he could come and get me, he knows where to find me. I spend a great deal of time in front of this painting".

"Come on, follow me, I know somewhere where we can be alone" Jace replies, getting to his feet.

From where I am sitting, I can only stare at his beauty. He has cut his hair since the last time, and even if I prefer him with long hair, this shorter hairdo shows his eyes better. Beautiful blue eyes whose hue is accentuated by the blue colour of his denim shirt. He extends his hand towards me and lifts an eyebrow, smiling.

"Trust me".

* * *

 _I look down at her tiny hand in mine. She seems still not sure why she has followed me. I have brought her to the 5th floor of the Tate, where there is a little terrace that is generally empty._

 _God, she is even more beautiful in plain light. Her clothes hug her in the right places. I already thought she was a beautiful woman when I first met her, but she is totally gorgeous. I chuckle. I can't wait to have her in my bed, under me, while I will do unreasonable things to her. You can call me what you want, it doesn't even cross my mind that she will turn me down. After all, she let me find her, she followed me, she trusted me. Don't mistake me, I have respect for her, I don't think about her in the same way as Kaelie. But I know that nothing lasting can come out of this situation and I know that she loves her husband. But for an unknown reason she chose to follow me. So she must have the same thing in mind._

 _Clary lets go of my hand and comes nearer the parapet. I know the view from here is breathtaking on the City. Closing her eyes, she enjoys the sun hitting her face, her hair, which seems redder with the light. I can't help running my hand in her red curls, slowly caressing her neck. She immediately responds to my touch, tilting his head on my chest. I come closer, putting my hands on the parapet on either side of her body. Bodies seem to have a memory as ours are leaning to each other at once. I feel myself hardening at the contact of her ass on my thigh._

 _What is this girl doing to me? She is going to be the death of me. I must have her quickly if I don't want to become crazy. I know that today is not possible, she deserves more than a quickie in a public place. I need to see her again soon._

 _"I know you haven't a lot of time, Clary. When do you come back? I need to see you again. Alone."_

 _She sighs. "It's not a good idea, Jace. I can't"_

 _"You can't or you don't want, Darling?"_

 _"I can't. I am married. I don't even know why I followed you"._

 _"Because you want me Darling. As much as I want you. Don't say otherwise" I groan in her ear._

 _She remains silent. Just the speeding of her breath confirms it._

 _"Come back to spend a day with me. No pressure, no promise. Let whatever there is between us go where it must go. Please."_

 _She turns to face me, and as soon as I see her eyes, I know I have won. "Give me your number Clary, I will contact you in a few days" I ask, taking my phone. Even if she seems different than others, I stick to my rules and doesn't give her my number. I will probably call her from Alec's phone later._

 _Her phone starts ringing. She searches her bag to grab it. Her husband is calling her. No way this bastard is going to ruin this moment._

 _"Don't answer Clary. Just give us two minutes and you can call him back."_

 _She protests "But I must answer, he will wonder what I..." It's enough to make me act. I grab her neck and assault her mouth. Slow and languid kisses to which she immediately responds, while her hands grip my shirt. My tongue slowly caress her lips, to make her mouth open. But as soon as she opens to me, I step back, smirking at her._

 _"I just needed two minutes. Take this as a foretaste of our next meeting. See you, Darling" and with a quick kiss on her lips, I put my sunglasses back on and leave her._


	11. Chapter 11

**Time for another chapter. Thanks again for your kind reviews and words. I will try to update more regularly as I am completely amazed by the fact that people like my nonsense ! Don't forget to hit the review button and tell me what you think of our two main characters ;)**

 **As always characters belong to Cassie and TMI. I love playing and mixing them with antsy reality.**

* * *

"Miss! Can we go? It's almost time. Please?"

I look at the clock. Class period finishes in five minutes. "All right, guys. You can leave, but be quiet please. Don't make me regret my generosity " I answer, laughing. "And don't forget to finish reading your text for tomorrow afternoon".

"Yes Miss, bye Miss. Have a nice day" is all I can hear before they all begin to put their books back in their bags and laugh with each other.

It's nearly lunch time and I decide to stay in my classroom to eat.

These last days, I have felt the need to stay alone as much as possible. Yes I admit it, I'm spending my days nervously checking my phone and waiting for a sign of Jace. It has been a week now since I met him in London and I'm beginning to think that it was just a game for him. His sudden departure and his silence tend to confirm it. I can't believe I fell for his sweet words. Don't mistake me, I know what is the point of a next meeting. I'm not that innocent. I'm a grown up woman and I know what I'm getting into. No string attached, just maybe a beautiful moment together if I have the courage to go.

"Clary! Don't you want to go eat outside with me?"

I turn my head to discover Maia, one of the other English teachers, at the door of my classroom. Maia is a new teacher in our high school but I immediately got on well with her. She is a sweet girl, always smiling, always caring.

"No, that's okay, Maia, I'm gonna eat here. I have taken my lunch box".

She comes next to me, and leans on my desk.

"Are you sure you're alright Clary? You seem worried since a few days. Are you okay with Seb?"

I sigh, debating if it wouldn't be easier to tell someone about Jace. Someone neutral. Someone who doesn't know my husband. Someone who won't judge me. I look at her nervously. She can be that person, that someone I can trust to help with me this situation. She must have felt my hesitation, because without a word, she goes to close the door and comes back sitting next to me.

"Spill it Clary. Whatever it is, tell me. Because it's consuming you. Since when haven't you slept? And don't tell me I am wrong, dark circles under your eyes are speaking for you..."

As soon as she stops speaking, I begin my rambling. Telling her everything: The concert, what happened before, the meeting in London last week, his proposition and his silence.

"Whooooa girl, that's a lot to keep for yourself. How are you feeling?"

"Sad, guilty. And alive. I wouldn't have imagined something like this could happen to me one day. I love Seb but it's like Jace can do whatever he wants with me".

"What are you going to do if he calls?"

"I don't know. I'm angry at the moment. I think he has been playing with me and I know I deserve much more respect than that. So if he calls, I can say to him to go to Hell. Or I can just book a train ticket and run to him. He makes me feel free, makes me feel beautiful and must think the most terrible things about me, Maia. I feel so bad for acting like that. "

She pats my shoulder and gently smiles. "Who would I be to judge you? You are the only one who can take that decision. I have never seen you like that before, never seen so many emotions flooding from you. In fact, I haven't seen you more alive.. You will take the best decision for you, I trust you. Be a bit selfish. If you aren't completely happy at the moment, do what makes you feel good. Think about yourself before thinking about others. But keep in mind that there will be consequences for everybody in this situation. Be sure you can cope with them."

Consequences. I know there will be consequences. And not good ones. I know I'm going to hurt Seb, I am surely going to really hurt myself in the process too but I'm taking the risk. He is drawing me to him like a magnet.

"Have you tried to contact him?"

"No, I can't. He was the one taking my number. I even doubt he will call or text a complete stranger from his own phone. He is totally paranoid."

"God Clary, he shoved his dick down your throat, you are not strangers anymore." Maia laughs.

"Shhhhhh, don't say that aloud", blushing at the memory.

"Why don't you post something on twitter to tease him? Don't be the one who is waiting brooding. Take the power, Clary. Be a strong independent woman who knows what she wants."

She's right. Those times when women waited hopelessly for men to call are over, I decide, taking my phone.

* * *

" _Thank you for your time, Mr Wayland"_

 _I shake her hand. It was the last interview of the day, and it was the most pleasant one. The journalist is gorgeous and I know she has been totally affected by me during our talk: the way she crossed and uncrossed her long legs as if she was searching for some friction, the way she constantly licked her lips while listening to me._ _I know that I have just one word to say to put her in my bed. It wouldn't be the first time. But I have someone to see again before that._

 _It has been a week since our encounter in London and I check every day her Twitter account. No mention of eagerness for the moment, no sign of excitation. I'm waiting before contacting her just to tease. She seems not sure of wanting to see me again and the fact that she even considered to answer to her husband's call when she was with me profoundly annoys me. So I have decided to make her beg._

 _Taking my phone, I smile at what she has just written. Finally. A sign of life. And a glimpse of impatience._

 _ **londonaddict  
**_ _ **Still up for the Game. But like in any game, there's a time limit. Tick-tock**._

 _"Alec! Give me your phone, please"_

 _Alec hands me his phone and goes back to drinking his coffee at the bar of the pub where I have chosen to give my interviews of the day. We plan on going practice later, because the producer we met one month ago wants us to record as soon as possible._

 _"Don't call random girls or do bullshit. You are not the one that has to live with constant calls after. Seriously, why don't you buy another phone with another number for your one night stands?"_

 _"It's easier like that. And definitely funnier" I chuckle, hearing the "asshole" coming from his mouth._

 _One ring. And another. And another. She has just tweeted so she must be near her phone. And yet, she isn't answering. 12 am here, so it must be 1pm in Paris. Or elsewhere, I don't even know where she lives. Or which movies she loves, or which music she listens to. In fact, I know nothing about her. Except that I want her. I need her. Physically._

 _I am the one who wants to make her beg and I am now the one frustrated not to be able to reach her, when she must have been waiting for my call for a week._

 _I try again, only to reach her voicemail. Hearing her speaking in French makes my heart jump. If I find her French accent cute when she is speaking English, god, this is even better. And sexier._

 _Maybe she is at work in front of her class and texting her will be easier._

 **If you're up to the Game, then answer me, mrs Red Lips. - J**

 _Almost instantaneously my phone comes to life._

 **Someone is eager? I thought you forgot how to use a phone or use you fingers. Glad you have all your abilities - C**

 _I chuckle. This girl has fire under her skin._

 **Wait to see all my abilities. You don't know the wonders my fingers are capable of. - J**

 **Aren't you ashamed to make me blush in front of my class? I think it is safer to continue this conversation later. Call me at 2pm. - C**

 **No problem. Would love to see your red lips speaking that cute English in front of your pupils. Thanks god, they don't know what other things they could do. -J**

 **Sssshh *blushing more and more* - C**

 _The memory of her red lips and her face is enough to make me hard. It has been a long time since I had sex. In fact, I haven't got laid since the night of the concert and Kaelie, even if I had many occasions. I don't know what is happening to me. Maybe it is some kind of a challenge to have Clary. No fangirl has ever turned me down. Married or not. I always get what I want, especially with woman. This is so unusual. I must have her. Even if it will lead us nowhere. But right now my body needs hers._

xxxx

 _"Okay guys, I need a moment. Let's take a break , shall we?"_

 _I put my guitar on the floor and get out of the room where we practise. Alec's mum is kind enough to lend us a room in the back of her country house and we go there whenever it is possible to practise, far from London._

 _I lit a cigarette and dial her phone number. She picks up at the first ring._

 _"Hello Jace". Her voice is throaty, hoarse and she seems tired._

 _I exhale the smoke I have in my lungs._

 _"Clary.. You seem tired"_

 _She laughs. "I have just spent the last five hours asking teenagers to stop chatting and trying to teach them English. Believe me, it's exhausting. All I want after days like these is just to go back home and chill in bed."_

 _"If you were there, I would show you a great way of chilling in bed, Darling" I chuckle._

 _She doesn't answer. All I'm hearing is her rapid breath at the other end of the line._

 _"What am I sure you don't mean resting?"_

 _"There's no rest in bed with me, mrs Red Lips."_

 _"Promises, promises"._

 _It's time to ask her. I can't stand this little game anymore, I need her. I take my most serious and deep voice. "Why don't you come here so I can show you?"_

 _She still seems unsure of herself. Teasing is a thing but taking the big step is harder, it seems.. "I don't know Jace.."_

 _I sigh. "You know you want it too, Darling. You know you want to finish what you've begun the other day. You know you want to feel my touch as much as I want to feel yours. You want to come undone under my fingers and my tongue as much as I want to feel your mouth again around me. You want to feel free and alive. And I can give you that. Come to me, Clary.."_

 _There's no sound at the other end of the line. She remains silent, clearly struggling with her conscience. She needs time to take her decision, even if it deeply annoys me that she doesn't jump on this occasion. I am not used to that. Since a long time, I have had a lot of girls throwing themselves at me without saying a single word._

 _"I will only ask once Clary. Let me know.."_

 _I hung up._


	12. Chapter 12

**Sorry for the delay. Life is hectic but I don't forget this story. As always characters belong to Cassie and TMI. I love playing and mixing them _with antsy reality._**

* * *

 _She'd trade Colorado if he'd take her with him_  
 _Closes the door before the winter lets the cold in,_  
 _And wonders if her love is strong enough to make him stay,_  
 _She's answered by the tail lights shining through the window pane_

 _He said I wanna see you again_  
 _But I'm stuck in colder weather_  
 _Maybe tomorrow will be better_  
 _Can I call you then?_  
 _She said you're ramblin' man_  
 _You ain't ever gonna change_  
 _You got a gypsy soul to blame_  
 _And you were born for leavin'_

Colder Weather - Zac Brown Band.

* * *

I look at myself in the small compact mirror I always have in my bag.

Black eye liner. Checked

Red curls. Checked.

Red lips. Checked.

Guilt. Checked.

Excitment. Double checked.

The overwhelming guilt I have been feeling since my departure this morning seems to disappear as the train gets closer to London. All I have been feeling since a few minutes is eagerness. Eagerness to see Jace again.

Since his call last week, all I have been doing is thinking about him. When I wake up, when I work, when I see friends. All my thoughs are about him. As soon as he hung up, I knew what my decision would be. I would totally dive in this. Even if I might drown. Even if for sure I will drown. Because nothing good can come out from this. But what happened a few weeks ago has been consuming me so much that I need to find something to stop it. Fighting fire with fire. And the only way is to go to him.

Watching the English landscape through the window, I can't stop wondering if he will be there waiting for me at the station. I chose not to answer him by using the phone number he used. After all, I don't even know whose number is it. It might be his, or a friend's. I can't risk texting someone I don't know. Twitter has to be the solution to communicate with him, even if I know he won't answer me. Besides it won't arouse Seb's suspicions as he never checks my account. All my followers know now that I am going this day in London to organize a school trip but I don't even know if the one I am lying for is aware of that. If I will find myself at the station with a day to spend alone in this city, or if he will be there. Will it be awkward? Will he kiss me? Will it be sweet or urgent? How will he greet me? What am I gonna tell him?

"Ladies and gentlemen. Welcome in London. Local time is 9am and the sun is shining on this beautiful day. Before leaving our train..."

The train driver's voice suddenly puts me out of my thoughts. I gather my belongins and put my jacket back on while other passengers start to go the exit door.

A few minutes later, I am on the platform and walk towards the customs. I secretly hope he will be there, behind the doors that separate me from the rest of the station.

I search the crowd, looking for him, for blond hair, tattoos, blue eyes or sunglasses. He is not here. One quick glance at my phone. No call. No text. Tears spring quickly in my eyes. I should have known better. Clary, you are an idiot. All this mystery, those hidden messages, really?

I need to get out. Get out and have a smoke to calm my nerves. To find the courage to stay the day alone here. To find the courage not to be angry at him and to definitely forget him. I have stopped smoking a few years ago but I occasionnally need to have a fag when things are hectic and when I go out with friends.

Holding my tears back, I'm walking towards the next exit when I stop, hearing music. Not far from me, people gather around a piano. You know, the pianos they put in stations and aiports to make people showing off with their musical skills? Yes these ones. I must admit the music I'm hearing is quite good and people must think like me because the crowd is getting bigger as I approach. A man is sitting in front of the keyboard, totally absorbed in the sounds he's playing, his long fingers running on the keys. His face is partially hidden by the hoodie he is wearing but few blond hair fall on his forehead.

My heart leaps. Could it be him? I can't see his face but his figure totally resembles Jace. Long legs clad in tight black jeans, black hoodie, combat boots. And those long fingers. And those blond hair.

I can't clearly see him, two young girls are blocking my view. They giggle and sigh and their reaction make me realize it is him. After all, he is the new film industry's heartthrob. Worshipped by thousands of girls around the world. But just a few know he is also a musician and singer and can do wonders with a piano or guitar. The voice of the man raises and I have no more doubts. The lyrics he is singing are so different from the loud noises he is used to sing, but his voice is just flawless.

"Oh my god, he is so cute. Oh my god.."

"I can't believe Jace Wayland is in front of us. People won't believe us, it's crazy!"

I can't help rolling my eyes at them. But they are young, totally smitten with their idol and for the first time maybe, they have a chance to approach him. I tend to forget that since that night. And yet, I am completely mesmerized when he speaks to me, let alone when he.. Well you know.

I walk through the crowd to place myself in his visual field. Even if I could spend hours listening to him singing, time is limited. I have only a few hours here and I want to make the most of them. With him.

At this precise moment, he looks up and notices me. A large smile quickly spreads on his face, while he is looking at me. While his eyes are literally devouring me. I didn't know what was the impression of feeling naked in front of someone. I know now. All I see in his eyes is lust, need, desire.

Quickly running his fingers over the keys, he comes to the end of his song. Immediately people clap their hands and he is soon surrounded, girls asking him for signing and pictures. Polite and respectful, he takes time to please everyone, but the crowd seems not wanting to disperse.

He laughs. "okay guys. Thanks for your support. I would love staying here with you and chat but I am kind in a hurry. "

"Thanks for your time Jace" the girl in front of me shouts.

I see him waving slightly and nodding at her. Putting his hoodie back on his head and taking his phone out of his pocket, he walks quickly towards the exit, at the back of the station. Does that mean I must follow him? I totally understand he can't come and see me in front of these people. Firstly it would be all over the internet the following day, with speculations of who I am. And then, it would endanger me, by exposing me to Sebastian.

My phone comes to life. A phone number I don't know.

 **Meet me in front of the underground. Take the Northern line direction - J**

I laugh. Seriously, another phone number? How many precautions will this guy take ?

 **Okay, coming.. -C**

 **I intend to. Believe me, it's my goal today - J**

 **Btw, you look totally gorgeous. Come to me, Clary - J**

Blushing at his texts, I take the direction he asked me to. He is gonna be the death of me. With just the sight of him playing music, my body is on fire. And each of his texts is adding to the sexual tension we have had between us since our first encounter.

I see him immediately among the passengers quickly walking past him. Leaning against the wall in front of the tube entrance, he is talking and laughing on his phone. It seems he hasn't seen me approaching. My hands are sweating and my heart starts beating faster. The last time I have felt like this must be when I was 14 and was going to be kissed for the first time. The feeling is both scary and exciting at the same time. Like he said last week on the phone, he makes me feel alive.

"okay Alec, we'll do that. Thanks. Okay.. Must go now, someone is here."

He hangs up and comes closer to me.

"So you told the whole band I was here today?" I laugh.

"No, not everyone. Just Alec. I needed to know if his flat was empty for us."

His answer leaves me speechless. Empty. Yes, that's what I am here for, right? I am still not comfortable with the purpose of my trip today. Apparently some girls are used to this concept of one night stand and I admire them for that. No strings attached. Just great moments of mutual pleasure. I have never done that. An awkward silence lingers between us and I look down at my feet.

He discreetly coughs. "Hey, look at me. No pressure, remember. We are just gonna spend time together. If you want to go have a drink or walk around, there is no problem. But don't feel uncomfortable with me. Okay?"

I know he hopes for more than a drink. I hope more too. I have friends to go for a walk or have a coffee. I want him. As I know he wants me. I can see it in his eyes as I raise my head to look at him.

"Good morning by the way Clary" he adds lightly, smiling.

"Good morning Jace" I sigh, locking eyes with him.

Suddenly he grabs my hand and pulls me towards him. "Oh God, come here", he exhales, hugging me. Strong arms come around me and his lips slightly brush my forehead. I could stay like this for hours, engulfed in his arms, my face nestled against his chest.

"I am glad you came, Clary."

"Yeah.. I am glad you are here"

He releases me and smiles. "Well I asked you to come here.. What kind of person would I have been if I wasn't there? Believe me, I may be an arrogant ass but I have respect for people. Especially for you." His hand cups my cheek and for a second, I think he is gonna give me that kiss I am craving. But he doesn't make a move and I am too shy to do it.

"Ahem.. Let's move,shall we? Are you ready to go?" Jace asks, putting his hands back in the pockets of his hoodie.

"Yes, let's go, I follow you."

We walk side by side in the underground until we arrive on a platform. While we are waiting for the train to come, Jace tells about how the last week has been hectic for him, between doing press for his new movie and practising his music with the band. He really seems tired, bags have made their appearance under his blue eyes, and yet he remains as beautiful as usual. I even feel ashamed for him to be seen next to a plain and boring girl like me. From his golden hair to his chiselled jaw, everything in him is stunning. Even the little wrinkles around his eyes when he is widely smiling add to his perfection.

"What is going on in your head, Clary? It seems I have lost you a few minutes ago". He is smiling at me and I can see those wrinkles I have just thought about.

I can't help. "You are so beautiful.." Oh my god, did I really say this? My hand immediately comes to my mouth. "Sorry, I didn't mean to say it aloud. You must hear that everyday... I mean, I am so plain and normal compared to you. You shouldn't walk next to me."

He laughs. "Well thanks Clary... And no, I don't very often hear that. By the way, with these clothes, this hood on my head and my tired face, you must be the only one to find me beautiful today."

With these words, he once again cups my cheek and slowly caresses my skin.

"Clary, you don't even see yourself clearly. You are stunning. Don't ever feel ashamed of yourself."

My cheeks get red. If we weren't on this platform among those people, I think I would have the courage to kiss him right now. Luckily, the train is coming and he releases my cheek,his smile never leaving his face.


	13. Chapter 13

Yes I'm alive. Hope you will enjoy this update ! can't wait to hear your theory. Don't hesitate to leave me a trace of your reading x

As usual , characters belong to .. well you know.

* * *

 _"Welcome to your life_  
 _There's no turning back_  
 _Even while we sleep_  
 _We will find you_  
 _Acting on your best behaviour_  
 _Turn your back on mother nature_  
 _Everybody wants to rule the world_

 _It's my own design_  
 _It's my own remorse_  
 _Help me to decide_  
 _Help me make the most_  
 _Of freedom and of pleasure_  
 _Nothing ever lasts forever_  
 _Everybody wants to rule the world_

 _(...)_

 _I can't stand this indecision_  
 _Married with a lack of vision_  
 _Everybody wants to rule the world_  
 _Say that you'll never never never never need it_  
 _One headline why believe it?_  
 _Everybody wants to rule the world_

 _All for freedom and for pleasure_  
 _Nothing ever lasts for ever_  
 _Everybody wants to rule the world_ "

Care Bears on Fire - Everybody wants to rule the world (Tears for Fears cover)

* * *

The train is crowded and we manage to find place at the back, against the window. The carriage soon reaches its full capacity and Clary is flushed back against me. I can feel every part of her soft body against mine, not that I complain. My hands, without touching her, are ghosting over her thighs and my breath is rapid against her head. The sexual tension is so palpable that I don't dare to make a move, afraid we are gonna explode.

Soon, other passengers enter our train and she is totally pushed back against me. My hands grip her hips and I begin to slowly draw circles on her jeans. As if her body has its own mind, her ass is suddenly grinding against me and I can feel my body immediately react.

We both exhale a moan at the same time.

"Clary. Stop doing that. Or I swear I'm gonna have my way with you right now, on this train."

"You wouldn't.."

"Dear Clary, you clearly don't know me. I always get what I want. And what I only want now..." I grip her hips harder and whisper in her ear "..is to fuck you."

"And why do you think I would agree?" Her husky laugh resonates as she tilts her head back on my shoulder

"Come on ..." my hand leaves her hip to crawl on her ass "is speaking for you. And I know by your reaction if I do that". As soon as my lips capture her ear lobe, she sighs. "So don't tell me you don't agree. I won't believe you."

This girl is gonna be the death of me. I haven't had her yet and it's like my body knows her perfectly. My hand is running on her ass and thighs while my mouth goes down her neck, licking her pulse point. She moans each time I find a pleasure spot on her skin and I can't help marveling at how responsive she is to me. I can't wait to have her under me to put her on fire.

"Jace.. Jace. We are making out in the train."

I stop. "Yeah darling. And? What's the problem?"

She turns back to look at me. Her eyes are hooded with lust and her cheeks flushed. "Aren't you afraid somebody can see us? Some paps or fans?"

"Sincerely? I don't give a fuck. I have nothing to hide. Right now I just want you. As much as you want me, clary. I just want to kiss those gorgeous lips of yours. But I know it would be reckless. I know what situation you are in Darling, I won't expose you anymore, Sorry. " I reply, cradling her cheek. She may be afraid for her husband to find she is here. With me. It would be stupid to keep on making out on this train, even if at the time of day, the carriage is mostly full with businessmen and workers.

The train comes to an halt. I grab her hand. "Come clary, it's our stop". We leave the train quickly and I show her the way in the stairs of the underground, holding her tiny hand in mine. There is not a lot of people in the hallways and we will be out in a few minutes. I don't bother to tell Alec we are almost here. He knows I'm coming with clary and must have already left. I have a spare key anyway. It's not the first time I've done that.

Clary suddenly stops and tugs on my hand. Looking at her with surprise, I drop her hand and ask what's going wrong. She leans against the wall and she nervously runs her hand in her red curly hair.

"I'm afraid of making a mistake Jace."

I sigh. I know she would be overwhelmed with guilt. And yet she came here to see me. Why hasn't she thought about that before? Has she thought about that before giving me that fucking blowjob before the concert? All of this is none of my business. She has to leave or live with that.

"What do you want me to say Clary? I put no pressure on you. You came here. You know what I want. Like I said earlier, if you wanna take a drink and talk no problem. But you need to decide yourself what you want."

I see a lot passing in her eyes. Sadness. Hesitation. Guilt. But also desire. Lust. Excitation. She grips my tee shirt and makes me come closer to her. She locks her big brown-green eyes with mine and lifts her head towards me. As soon as I'm flushed against her, she whispers. "Help me to decide, Wayland. I'm fucking terrified."

Deliberately not touching her with my hands,I press each inch of my body against her. My face is so close to her that I feel her hot breath on my face.

"You are the one that has to decide Clary. I have decided I want you since that day we met. I am honest with you. I want you. Your body. I want to have sex with you. Nothing else. We need to finish what we have started. I can't promise you anything else. I'm not doing relationships. I just want to enjoy life. It's with you today but it can be with someone else tomorrow. All I know is my body is drawn to you since that day. Can't you feel it?" I illustrate my words by grinding my hips into her. These words needed to be said, you has to know how I am. She nods.

"So Darling, you are holding all the cards, you know what to expect. I won't be angry if you want to leave. But I won't do the first step either. I won't touch you. If you want me, you will have to ask. Or say. Or do. But it's up to you".

A few seconds pass and I can see the struggle in her mind. I'm pretty sure she is gonna chicken out when suddenly her hand goes around my neck. "Since I'm already going to hell.." She whispers before attacking my mouth. She pours all her desire in that kiss and I let her dominate me. Her red lips are hot against mine and soon her tongue asks for entrance. Her fingers run through my hair and her nails scratching my skull is enough to make me going wild. I grip the back of her thighs and she jumps, locking her legs around my waist. I pin her against the underground wall, pushing my hips again and again, grinding my hard on against her. I feel her hotness through her pants and it's enough to make me almost lose control.

"Have you decided Clary?" I pant.

She is out of breath. "Yes. I am showing you, aren't I?"

"Tell me darling. Tell me what you want. Let me hear you" I'm an asshole yes, but I want her to tell me she wants me. I want her to be sure.

She takes my lip between her teeth then slowly releases and licks it. God she isn't even aware of her sexiness.

"I want you Jace". She comes closer to my ear and says in a breath "I want to feel you inside me".

I chuckle "I intend to. Can't wait. I've been thinking about since for too long.

Putting her down on her feet, I slowly tug a strand of hair behind her ear. "Are you sure?"

"Do you really sure I would do this if I wasn't?" I feel at the same moment her tiny hand firmly grip me through my pants. Oh fucking hell, it's been too long I've felt a hand other than mine on my cock. She buries her eyes in mine and smirks. I like playful and sexy Clary and how she can go through insecure to a real goddess. We stay like this, my hands around her neck and her fingers, well you know where they are.

Cat whistles around us snaps us out of our bubble and we immediately part way. Without thinking I take her hand in mine and begin to walk quickly towards the exit.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Soon we arrive in front of Alec's door. While I m searching in my pockets for the spare key I remember to take this morning before leaving home, Clary takes a few minutes to check her voicemail. Frowning her eyebrows, she listens to the vocal messages she has got since this morning.

"Jace. I am sorry. I need to call someone back. Would you mind?"

I laugh. "Go on. But after that, no more distraction, no more phone calls. I want you for the rest of the day."

She smiles and takes a few steps away from me. I fumble in my pockets. Damn where did I put this goddam key?

"Yes... What is happening? Why did you want me to call me back then?... Yes I arrived this morning. Seb, for god's sake do you know how much it will cost me to call you for nothing?"

I snap my head towards her. She is calling this moron? When she is with me? No way. I need to remind her where she is and why she is here.

While she is still on the phone, clearly annoyed by why he is saying to her, I come closer to her and without hesitation wraps my arms around her from behind. She immediately relaxes against me, her voice getting a bit harsh. I nuzzle my head in her neck, inhaling her scent. She smells of shampoo and light perfume but I can also discern the smell of her arousal. It's very difficult to smell that but after all these years of going from one girl to another I have learnt to clearly recognize when someone is aroused by my mere presence. I chuckle, thinking about this poor guy at the other end of the line, totally unaware of what is happening miles away. I plant light kisses on her skin, going from the base of her neck to her ear. I know it will drive her crazy. "Come on Clary, hang up. I want you " I whisper low enough to remain unnoticed by the person at the other end of the phone. She rolls her eyes at me and keeps on speaking. I'm not playing fair I know. But it truly annoys me to hear her on the phone and losing our time together. So slowly one of my hands creeps under her shirt and delicately caresses the underside of her breast before reaching her bra. It only takes one brush of my fingers over her lace covered nipple to feel her tense and her breath shorten. Nothing will stop me this time like last time. No bang on the door and certainly no phone call. I lower the cup of her bra and soon her nipple is rolling through my fingers. I nuzzle my nose on her neck, losing myself in her scent.

Great Jace, you are the one losing control here. I swear if she doesn't hang up I will take her phone and smash it on the ground. Never a girl has had this effect on me before. Maybe because I never had to wait or fight for getting what I wanted. I'm discovering sexual tension at my age. Well, it's not bad. But I'm gonna explode.

"You're not playing fair Wayland." She is still holding her phone in her hand but has clearly hung up.

"Who told you I would? Put your phone back in your bag Darling and look at me"

As soon as she turns around, I pin her against the door of the flat and she immediately jumps and locks her legs around my waist. I never liked that position before, it is too intimate for my liking and you can't avoid kissing the girl in front of you. But with Clary it tends to be our position since the beginning. And I like that.

"Listen to me Darling. I promise you nothing I know. I m not jealous. But when you are with me, you are entirely with me. No phone call, especially to him. Because today you are mine. Understood?" She nods vigorously.

"Because today ... " l lift her shirt, the lowered cup of her bra still shows her naked breast. " you're mine to do this". Lowering my, head I gently capture her nipple with my mouth. God. Heaven. I slightly scratch my teeth around it and the moans she lets out are the best sounds I've heard since a long time. I manage to open the door behind her back and enter the flat with my girl still wrapped around me.

Oh I can't wait. As soon as I will close the door I will tear her clothes off her body but..

"What in the hell are you doing here?"


	14. Chapter 14

Another Update ? yes you aren't dreaming. Enjoy it and leave me a trace of your reading, I dig reviews.

 **As always characters belong to Cassie and TMI. I love playing and mixing them _with_ antsy reality.**

* * *

I immediately put Clary down and shield her from their view with my body. I don't want them to see or talk to her. What the hell are they doing here?

"What do you want? Why are you here?"

Kaelie is standing right in front of me, with Alec and Jordan by her side.

"May I remind you that I live here?" replies Alec, clearly embarrassed by the situation.

"I know but you shouldn't have been here Alec" I hiss. Turning to Kaelie, I snap "And you, what do you want? I think I was clear enough about never seeing you again".

She comes closer to me and bravely puts her hand on my arm. "I know, Gorgeous. But I forgot my jacket last time I was there. So Jordan kindly offered me to come with me to get it back. Since I'm here, I thought you will be keen on spending time together again.. Like that night after your show". I close my eyes. Images of that night pop into my mind. Just flashes of her body, bent over the bed, while I pounded into her from behind, my hand gripping her hair. Not the best I've had but definitely a good moment. But as I suspected she is gonna ruin that memory,being clingy. Her daily tweets are something I can ignore but seeing her among my circle of friends is too much to bear. I take her hand from my arm and let it drop. "Remember what I said that night Kaelie? Remember the rules? I won't ever see you again. And that means you won't come near me or my friends again. Okay? Now get out". I can't help my voice to sound angry even if I try to keep control of it. All I can think about is Clary and this awkward situation we are in. Five minutes ago I planned on ravishing her the minute we were inside and now I'm just stuck with two of my best friends and one clingy one night stand.

Tears slowly fill Kaelie's eyes. This is making me angrier immediately. Who does she think she is, making a scene in front of my friends and Clary? She knew it would be a one time thing. She knew my rules, she has been in our circle long enough to know that never have I allowed one of my flings to remain close to me. Especially not a fangirl. She seems not being able to move, totally stunned by my tone. I see Jordan coming closer to her and gently talking in her ear. She nods and lifts her head up. Anger has replaced sadness in her eyes.

"You're an ugly person Jace Wayland. You use people and you throw them away. One day it will be your turn" she shouts at me. "And you behind him.." she adds trying to look at Clary, "Don't be stupid and leave before he uses you like he did with me. Like he does with every girl he picks". I come closer to her and grip her arm. "Kaelie, now get out or I promise you I will throw you out".

Jordan immediately stops me and put his arm around her shoulders. "Jace, she doesn't deserve this. She understands what you're saying. She is gonna leave. Calm down man".

Both of them immediately leave the room. I don't dare turning back to face Clary especially after what she heard. I was planning to tell her about my rules today like I did with kaelie that night, but I feel bad now she has heard it from another girl, especially one I've fucked not long before. I knew Kaelie wouldn't give up easily but I haven't suspected she will be so mad at me. That girl has literally kissed the floor I walk on since a few years and she has always been there, even when I ignored her.

Alec discreetly coughs. I've totally forgotten he is still there. "Eh Clary, Hi! Nice to see you again. How are you?" He hugs her and brings her in the living room. "Sit down where you want, I'm gonna make you a cup of coffee before leaving".

She sits down on the couch without even glancing at me and immediately takes her phone to keep herself occupied. I decide to join Alec in the kitchen to give her space.

"Jace, what was that?"

"Sorry you have to witness this. But I didn't manage to stay calm. You know how she is, how she has always been. She won't leave me alone".

Alec slams the counter. "For god's sake Jace. You should have thought of that before agreeing to fuck her. Damn it. You have known her since years. She is always where you go. Have you really thought she would sleep with you and leave after that without saying a word? That girl is in love with you Jace. You aren't just a crush. You are the love of her life".

I blink in surprise. "How.. How do you know that?"

"Because she has been in tears since that night. Because you haven't contacted her. Because you have ignored her. As usual. Except that this time she thought it would be different. So yes, Jordan and I took pity on her and spoke with her. Several times. She won't give up. She isn't like those other girls. You are gonna have to deal with her. But she doesn't deserve your anger. Remember what I told you a few months ago after Aline when you started sleeping here and there? One day it won't be easy to get rid of one of them. That day has come."

I sigh. "I know. I knew it. It was the only way I found that night to stop thinking about Clary"

He smirks. "Oh yes and it worked right? Wait.. no because she is currently sitting on my couch, surely wondering what she has just seen. What are you doing Jace? I told you. Stop that thing with her. There's nothing to gain. She is married damnit. She lives abroad. You spoke about your sacred rules to Kaelie but have you told Clary about them? Do you even respect them by bringing her here? A one night stand is a thing but asking her to come to see you at home doesn't seem like an innocent demand. What do you want Jace?"

"Nothing more than with the others. It's just I like to get what I want. I wasn't able to have her that day I want to finish what we've begun."

Alec sighs. "Are you sure of that? It doesn't seem it's a one time thing. You stepped in front of her as soon you saw us to protect her, you were utterly mad at Kaelie for speaking to her. I don't want you to get hurt in the process if there's more. I won't be able to see you heartbroken again like when Aline dumped you."

His words deeply touch me. He's been my friend for so long, always been there whether I was happy or sad or angry or hurt. Patting his back, I reassure him. "Don't worry Alec, I won't get hurt. It's not different than what I've been doing for these past few months. I'm enjoying life. I'm not ready to fall in love again soon, trust me".

"I hope Jace. I hope. But ask yourself if this is just innocent for her too. I don't think so. She has a lot to lose coming here; her life, her husband.. Her heart." He replies, leaving the flat.

Taking my head into my hands, I sit down at the counter. He is right. She had a lot to lose and yet she is here. I need to sort things with her. Even if I find her funny and sexy and beautiful, I'm not looking for more than a good time with her. I need to make sure it is the same for her.

I take the cup of coffee Alec made and go back to the living room. She is still sitting on the couch totally absorbed by something on her phone screen. I can't help admire her. She is so different from the girls I usually bring back home, nothing to do with the tall models I usually date. She is petite and has beautiful curves, long reddish hair and brown eyes. I stare at her lips, red and full and the only thing I wanna do right now is take them between my teeth.

"Ahem.. Hey" I begin, placing the cup on the coffee table in front of her.

"Hey" she replies, looking at me. She is smiling but I can see there's concern in her eyes.

"Well Clary, sorry for all that. It wasn't supposed to happen you know. I didn't want you to see me angry like that". I sit next to her, taking precautions not to touch her.

"It's not important Jace. Don't worry. It's just.. It was so awkward. Seeing Kaelie here".

I exclaim. "Wait! You know Kaelie?"

She laughs. "Jace seriously.. Everybody knows who Kaelie is. In the fandom I mean. She is in love with you. She has been for a few years indeed I think."

I cringe. "I didn't know that. Should I have been aware of that I would never have slept with her." I stop talking, realizing what I'm doing. The dumbass I am is telling the girl he brought back about the last girl he had sex with. Great. I reach another level on the scale of stupidity. "Shit. Sorry about that too. I'm being an asshole. Forget what I've just said".

She smiles kindly before turning her attention back to her phone. Silence settles between us. I don't know how to make the first move or even break the ice between us. Time is flying so fast and we are here, sitting on a couch not knowing what to say to the other because of what happened.

"Jace?"

"Yes darling?"

"What are the rules you and Kaelie spoke about?"

Yes that's it. I need to have that conversation with her. It's easier to do when all of this come naturally, without being planned. Sometimes I don't even have to tell them. The girls I mostly meet don't live in London and the chances I see them again are scarce. I only have to tell them when girls know who I am.

"Well... How can I say that without being a prick?"

She bursts into laughing "Don't even try. Tell me in pure Wayland style".

I chuckle "Ouch that hurts. If you're sure.." My face gets serious as I tell her. "I never fuck the same girl twice and never see them again after that."

"And that will be the same with me, right?" She replies immediately.

A little voice in my head urges me to answer no. My mind is telling me it will be different this time. I choose to ignore it. How can it be different given the situation? At least the girls I usually sleep with are single. Or I believe it. "It will. I told you. I don't do relationships. Anymore." I can't help cradling her cheek with my hand and it is just so contradictory to what I've just told her. A caring gesture when I've just told her I won't care after today.

She doesn't reply. She is just staring at me. What I would give to know what she is thinking at the moment. Leaving? Staying here? The easier way to know would be to pop her the question but I'm not brave enough to risk seeing her leaving. I want her. Period.

Her phone buzzes and offers us a welcoming way out of this conversation. She immediately begins to type.

"Hey...What is so interesting on your phone that you prefer it to me?" I whine.

"You don't want to know, trust me" she chuckles.

"Show me Clary!" I manage to grab her phone and recognize the Twitter app. Tons and tons of mentions and pictures of me. Remember when I say ladies call a spade a spade? They have very nice nicknames for my body parts I must say. Smirking I give her her phone back: "I didn't know my ass was so popular in the fandom really. I'm honored".

"Oh please shut up; I'm mortified. You shouldn't have read this." The more she speaks the redder her cheeks get. I know she doesn't dare looking at me now, and she pretends to put her phone back on her bag to avoid my eyes.

"Don't be ashamed. I feel honored really. And stop putting your head in your bag to hide, damnit. Come here."

Slowly, she gets up and comes in front of me. Her eyes linger on me. "Instead of speaking about it with your friends, why do you think about doing unspeakable things to my body?"

Standing between my open legs,she slowly licks her lips and blushes.

"Touch me, Darling. Put your hands on me."


	15. Chapter 15

It seems that words come easily these days... So here's another update !

I really hope the change of point of view chapter after chapter doesn't bother you. It's just that sometimes it is easier to write in Jace's point of view, and sometimes in Clary's. Don't hesitate to tell me! And for this chapter... Remember , this story is rated M for a reason ** blushing **

As always I don't own the characters but the plot is mine. And I can't wait to read your lovely reviews x

* * *

"Touch me, Darling. Put your hands on me".

Jace's eyes are dark with lust. He doesn't make a move to get up, only his hands come resting on the back of my thighs.

It's not the moment to hesitate or to be shy. I am here for this and I want him so much my body hurts. In my dreams I couldn't have imagined that one day. And yet he is here, in front of me, panting slightly and devouring me with his eyes. He feels honored for what he read, I certainly feel honored and proud to provoke this kind of reaction on him. Do I agree with his rules ? In my mind I don't. But I know it can't be otherwise. For him as for me. I have my life. I don't expect him to fall in love with me as he can't expect me to get rid of what I have if he would ask. We have our own life, far from each other. But for now we are together. For a few hours Jace Wayland is mine and I can do what I want with him.

I come closer to him and his arms immediately circle my waist, holding me against him. He rests his face on my belly and nuzzles his nose under my shirt. Dreaming about that since the first day I laid eyes on him, I tilt his head towards me and slowly draw the lines of his face with my fingers, taking the time to memorize each of his features: his angular cheeks, his delicate nose, his full lips, the ring he has in his ear lobe, I want to remember every part of his face. This man is pure perfection. A golden God.

Despite the sweetness of this moment, my body is aching for him and I feel heat spreading through me. I know after what I witnessed and what he told me that he won't be the one to initiate something, letting me decide and not pushing me into doing something I would regret. Despite what he seems and what people tell of him, he is without doubt a pure British gentleman.

I push with force on his shoulders so that he falls backwards on the couch and straddle him. Taking his face between my hands, I crash my lips on his mouth and ask for entrance with my tongue. His hands immediately spring to life and grop my ass, pushing me harder in his lap. How couldn't I feel that bulge under me? My cheeks grow red for the tenth time today as I shamelessly push my core onto his hard on.

He pants. "Oh fuck, that blush is gonna be the death of me" while taking my ear lobe between his teeth. I stop my movements, suddenly growing shy. "Don't fucking dare stopping Clary, just because I said your blush is turning me on". His lips come to my neck, sucking harshly, definitely leaving a trace of our encounter.

"Jace?"

"Yes what is it Darling?"

"Are you sure we are alone? That no one will disturb us?"

He sighs and reluctantly pushes me aside. "Yes you're right. Let me check if the door is closed"

I watch him standing from the couch and putting his hoodie off, leaving the garment on a chair before going to the door. His black shirt and skinny jeans are hugging his body in the right places, revealing his toned ass and long legs, showing the ink spreading on his arms. I quietly leave the couch and follow him, standing before him. As soon as he turns back, I stop him from moving by laying my hand on his chest. He lifts an eyebrow and smirks. "Missing me already Darling?". With a push of my hand, I make him lean against the door behind him. "We're here to finish what we've begun right? So I'm picking up where we were stopped Jace."

Without hesitation this time, I grip his belt and unbuckle it quickly. I waste no time, popping his button open and lowering the zip of his jeans. Lifting my head to look at him; I search for any kind of refusal in his eyes. All I see there is just a blue pool full of desire, lust and want.

"Don't you want that, Jace? To start again where we were interrupted?"

He licks his lips and his breath soon shortens. "Do what you want with me Clary. I'm yours."

In one quick gesture, I lower his pants and boxers at once, just enough to let his cock spring free. His eyes immediately become darker and taking his shirt off, he lets it fall on the floor next to us. For the first time, I can see what's hidden behind his clothes and it definitely turns me on even more. I was aware he had tattoos but I didn't think I would find so much ink on him. Black patterns on his arms and chest, beautiful designs that I long to look closer afterwards. His chest is something I couldn't have imagined so perfect, hard lines and yet so smooth, totally deprived of hair, with this V so well defined just below his waist.

He cradles my cheek and casts me a sexy smile. "Why don't you wrap those red lips again around me, Darling?"

I go down on my knees and he groans as soon as my hand comes in contact with his velvet skin. He deeply moans as soon as my lips touch his head and his hands come to fist my hair. I love hearing him making those sounds and knowing it's just because of me. I may be on my knees in front of him and have the impression to be dominated but I am the one in control as I slowly lick the tip of his cock.

"Clary, please. Don't tease. It's been too long since I wanted to feel your hot mouth around me." See? I am the one in control. Not denying him this pleasure longer, I take him in my mouth. Jace lets out a breath and winds his fingers into my hair, guiding me up and down his hard length. He begins to thrust his hips forward and I let him set the pace, my focus exclusively on him as I continue to suck him. It doesn't take long for his movements to grow erratic and I know he's close. "Clary fuck.. I'm gonna.. If you don't want.." He pants. I grab the back of his thighs and hold him firmly, telling him with this gesture that I want to remain where I am.I've never let Sebastian going to that point with me, always stopping him before he got his release but with him, just for once, I want to try everything. I feel his legs tense and his moans getting louder. Totally enthralled in his pleasure, his eyes rolling at the back of his head, he thrusts one more time and comes into my mouth. He keeps his eyes closed a few seconds, out of breath and trying to regain composure. A small smirk appears on his mouth as he put his clothes back on, leaving the jeans open, his V and the base of his cock visible, undoubtedly giving me the most erotic image of my life.

Jace chuckles. "Well, the wait was so worth it, Darling".

I get up, smiling and rolling my eyes at him. "Can't help being an ass, uh?"

He raises an eyebrow. "It's who I am". And before I'm able to reply something to him, he grabs my neck to crash his lips on mine. He doesn't seem to mind tasting himself on my lips. His kiss is slow and sensual, his tongue stroking mine in languorous moves, as his fingers fumble with the buttons of my shirt. But I should know nothing resist Jace Wayland and soon, my shirt falls on the floor, leaving me in my black lace bra in front of him.

The first contact of his skin against mine makes me shudder. It feels so wrong and so right at the same time. It's much more intimate than what I've just done. It's really happening now, I can't back away. And I don't want to. Even if I'm hurting people in the process,me included. His hands quickly run from my neck to my back, like light feathers, almost not touching me. "Jump" he asks, hoisting me up. And with me locked around his waist, he brings us on the couch. Straddling his lap, I kiss every piece of his torso, nibbling at his skin and licking the black ink that form patterns on his heart. A phone is discreetly ringing somewhere in the flat. It must be Jace's.

"Jace it's yours, I think" I inform him, reluctantly stopping what I'm doing.

"I don't care. No way we are interrupted again. I want you." His eyes are burning, as mine may be.

"Clary? Can I...?" As soon as he speaks, I notice his fingers on my back, ready to unclasp my bra. I nod and immediately feel the coldness of the air on my breasts, as he discards the piece of clothing . My first reaction is to cover myself with my arms. It's been so long since another man saw me naked and I must say I'm quite impressed by Jace. After all, he dated a lot of beautiful and slim models and well, let's say I haven't got the body of a model.

"Don't. Ever. You are beautiful Clary." He takes my hands to make me uncover myself. And what I see in his eyes when he looks at me is enough to make me confident again. In his eyes I'm a goddess. I let him slowly running his fingers on my skin, taking his time to circle my nipples and to leave a trail between my breasts. There is no urgency like the first time we met, he takes his time to discover my body. He bends slightly and as his hands keep on fondling me, his mouth captures my nipple. All I'm feeling is pleasure with his sucking, grazing, licking,making wetness flooding between my tights. No doubt he must feel this between the thin layers of clothes separating us. As if he has read my mind, amongst that ocean of feelings I'm experiencing right now, I notice him popping the button of my jeans and lowering the zip. His fingers trace lightly over the lace covering me, exploring me through the barely-there fabric. My whole body curves in an arch, pressing myself closer into him. I brace myself for the moment I'm gonna really feel his hand on me. As soon he tugs my panties aside and puts his fingers on me, I can't refrain the heavy moans that get out of me. He lightly strokes my folds, his fingers growing slick with the evidence of how much I want him.

"Fuck Clary. I want you Darling. But before that, before I'm gonna strip you naked and make you scream, you are gonna come undone under my fingers." He urgently nips at my lip, before kissing me hard, his tongue dominating in my mouth. He tastes so damn good, all Jace. Mint and cigarette and coffee. His thumb suddenly presses over my clit, making me jump of surprise in his arms. I am left breathless as one of his long musician fingers slides into me, making my belly clench with pleasure. I know that my release is near, even if he has barely touched me yet and I close my eyes, fighting it, knotting my hands in his hair. I fear that once I've come, our time together will be over.

"Jace. I don't want now.. Not so soon..."

"Let go, Clary. Give me what's mine. Let me make you come now. We have plenty of time after that." He growls in my ear and it's enough to make me lose all resistance. Something snaps in me and waves of pleasure crash into me, making my head spin and my breath shorten. I ride that orgasm as if it is the first I've ever had. His fingers don't stop their movements before my walls stop pulsing around them and my body goes limp in his arms, my forehead on his muscular shoulder.

Only our breathing disturb the quietness of the room. Taking my head in his hands, he cradles my cheek, smiling.

I chuckle. "You didn't lie about what your fingers are capable of".

A cocky smirk appears on his gorgeous face as he replies. "Wait til you see the rest."


	16. Chapter 16

_Thanks for your lovely reviews on the last chapter. I was such a devil to leave you on that little sentence from Jace.. Are your ready for more ?_

 _Please be indulgent, it's my fist attempt at writing sexy times. And btw English is_ _not my first language so it's a bit difficult, but I hope you'll enjoy it ! Don't forget to hit the Review button, I'm eager to see what you think of this chapter. What do you think will happen after this? what would you do if you were Clary or Jace? I have some ideas in my mind but I'm curious to see how you imagine the future chapters._

 _As always I don't own the characters but the plot is mine._

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I can't believe how she is responsive. Feeling her coming apart on my fingers whereas I barely touched her is perhaps the best thing I've seen since a long time. And that blowjob is surely the greatest one I've had in the last years. She has no confidence in herself and yet she has all those skills she ignores.

I hear her chuckle before she marvels about the dexterity of my fingers.

"Wait till you see the rest" I retort. Taking her in my arms, in one swift motion, I put her under me on the couch. Her long red curls sprawl under her, her white skin contrasting with the black of the couch.

She knots her fingers in my hair, tugging it just enough to reach that thin line between pain and pleasure.

"Show me, Jace."

Hovering over her, taking precautions not to crush her by placing my hands on each side on her head, I whisper.

"Tell me you want it, Darling. Tell me what you want".

Three words. That is all it takes to make me lose control.

"Fuck me, Wayland"

As soon as the words leave her mouth, I crash my lips to her, dominance, lust, desire flooding in her mouth. We lick, bite, suck each other's lips, letting our hands roaming over the other's body. Our way of touching each other is urgent, almost aggressive, no doubt leaving traces on our skin tomorrow. I feel her nails leaving scratches on my back as I suck this little patch of skin below her ear, pinning her down against the couch with my hips and grinding against her. I'm more aroused than I've been since a long time and yet, I feel the need to prolong our dry jumping session before having her. I know that once I've fucked her, it's over. And for some unknown reason, I don't want to stick to my rules this time. Maybe because she doesn't treat me like every other girl I've met, not with this kind of sick adoration. She doesn't let me control her, and I know that she won't do anything she doesn't want to do.

Her tiny feet come to my waist and pull down my jeans and boxers in one quick motion, freeing my raging hard on from my pants. I quickly get up and toss my shoes and remaining clothes on the floor. Leaning on her elbows, she stares at me with intensity, his eyes wandering from my feet up to my eyes. It's a great thing I've never been shy about my body because the way she looks hungrily at my naked body would almost make me blush. Kneeling on the couch, I grab her ankle and pull her towards me. "You're definitely wearing too many clothes, Darling". I throw her shoes across the room and take the waistband of her jeans in my hands, slowly pulling them down. She is soon only in her black lace panties, on the couch. She smiles and I know she waits for me to take the remaining garment off.

"Are you sure? Once you're naked, there's no turning back. I won't be able to stop".

She doesn't reply with words. Instead she hooks her fingers in her panties and slowly pulls them down, letting them fall on the floor in front of me.

I let a growl escape. "Stand up. Now" I snap, grabbing her hand. "Follow me in the spare room. Alec would kill me if we destroy his couch". She can't walk as fast as me and I know I must be hurting her, pulling at her arm and dragging her behind me. But I can't wait to have her. I'm waiting for this since this morning. I need to get laid. And with her.

Suddenly the bedroom seems too far away and I know we won't reach that point before I lose control. Turning around to face her, I roughly take her cheeks in my hand, and pinning her against the wall, I invade her mouth with my tongue. My hands can't explore quickly enough her body and roam all over her skin, from the soft flesh of her breasts to the apex of the thighs. My fingers easily part her folds and press into her clit, playing with her body. God, she's so wet for me. I'm so lost in her that I have almost missed the fact that her hand is on my shaft. She moans and gasps but her eyes remain locked with mine. I thrust forward, seeking friction against her hand. She begins pumping my cock, in slow and torturous moves, teasing me like I am teasing her with the slow pressure of my fingers on her.

"As much as I love this Jace.. Please. Fuck me". I bury my eyes in hers, testing her for the last time. "Are you sure?"

I don't know why I ask her about her decision so much. Usually, I don't care. But this time.. do I care? I put this idea in the back of my head. Jace Wayland doesn't care. He enjoys life and girls, preferably from behind and not in a bed, in order not to give them another impression than pure and unattached sex.

The pressure she applies on me is enough to let the asshole in me appear. I take her hands in my hand and gather them over her head, pinning her harder against the wall. Parting her legs with my knee, I bend slightly and feel her wetness with the tip of my cock. One thrust and I can be inside her. Then I remember something. Something I usually never forget.

"Fuck" I gasp, laying my forehead on the wall beside her.

"What is it Wayland?"

The fact that she calls me by my name in certain moments hits me. Maybe when I let the asshole speaking...

"I don't have a fucking condom", I curse as I try to calm myself and not thrust into her.

She chuckles. "Don't ask me why but I have one." I release her from my grasp and she checks the pockets of her jacket, on the counter of the kitchen. I burst out laughing when she triumphantly throws it at me.

"So now, are you gonna really use it or were your promises of not having rest with you just words?"

I immediately pick up the condom on the floor, tear the foil wrapping open and roll it down my length. Without speaking, with just the sounds of our panting breaths, I come close and instinctively reach for her ass. Guessing what I want from her, she jumps and locks her legs around my waist. A loud growl comes out from my throat when I feel the sticky warmth between her thighs on my stomach. I don't hesitate when I put her down on the counter. I don't hesitate when I grip the back of her thighs. I don't hesitate when I crash my lips on her mouth. And it's without hesitation that I thrust inside her. I knew it would be amazing but I am not prepared for the perfection of this feeling of me inside her. She surrounds me tightly and perfectly, as if her body has been molded on mine. We both moan at the sensation, our eyes locked in surprise. Kissing her, I slowly pull out but push back inside quickly. Her back arched and she moans deeper. I try not to lose control and fuck her as hard as I'd want but the sounds coming from her make this very difficult.

As if she was reading my mind, Clary grabs the edge of the counter and asks "Jace, harder. Please". I momentarily stop thrusting, smirking. She looks at me, surprised as I totally pull out of her. Only to thrust back inside, hard. So hard that she almost falls from the counter. "Like this? That's what you want?". I start a quick pace, relentless thrusts , hitting deep inside her, her legs locked around me, my hands gripping her hips, surely leaving traces of my fingers in her flesh. It is feral, primal sex, and both of us clearly enjoy that kind of thing. We are grunting and groaning, and a thin sheet of sweat begins to form on our skin. She throws her head back and her lips part slightly, her red mane falling behind her.

I pant. "Are you close, Darling?" She is lost in her pleasure and can't answer me. She needs to be close, I won't last longer. It doesn't occur me in that moment that it is the first time since a long time that I cared about the other's orgasm. I reach between us and it only takes a few flicks of my fingers on her to make her fall over the edge. She closes her eyes, screaming my name as she started to shake and clench around me.

"Jace! Don't stop please" she screams as her body trembles in my arms. Riding her orgasm, she releases the counter and throws her arms around my shoulders, nestling her head in the crook of my neck, holding me tightly against her as if she fears I might stop. A few more rough thrusts, and my body stills, releasing in her the most powerful orgasm I've had those last months.

I feel her lips on me, sucking the skin below my ear, kissing her way along my neck while I try to catch my breath. Holding her in my arms, I gently rock us back and forth, still inside her, prolonging this moment of sweetness. Because once I release her, it will be over. Back to reality. And to rules. My rules I will follow. Kissing her one last time on her head, I slowly pull out and we both whimper at the loss of contact. I quickly go and dispose of the condom in the bin on the kitchen.

What am I gonna say to her? Usually I take my clothes and leave. Or I ask girls to take their clothes and leave. She went a long way to be here, even if it's a one time thing, I can't ask her to leave now. It's so unusual. I look at her. She's still on the counter, catching her breath, her head in her hands. My eyes linger on her creamy legs and hips. I can see red marks where my fingers dug into her skin. She's so fucking beautiful. And she doesn't even know it.

"What did I say about you screaming my name?"

She lifts her head and laughs. "You have a high opinion of yourself, don't you?". She hops down the counter and gathers her clothes on the floor.

Stopping her, I grab her hand and pull her into my arms. My hands frame her face, my fingers brushing the side of her mouth. "You didn't enjoy yourself? Tell me you didn't come undone." I bend my head and capture her ear lobe between my teeth, biting lightly. "Tell me that just the memory of me inside you doesn't make you wet." She moans as my hands slowly creep down her body. I whisper in her ear "Because for me, it was fucking awesome. It's been the best fuck I've had since a long time". My fingers find her sweet spot between her thighs, and she is more wet than before, as I've suspected. I immediately harden at the thought of taking her again.

Clary gazes at me. "Jace, It was perfect, believe me. Perfect. I couldn't hope for better." And then slowly steps back. "But as you said, and I agreed with it earlier, it was just once. I know it."

I'm left speechless while she puts her clothes back. I would have believed she would be okay for round two but I'm caught out at my own game. A game which I set the rules before. She smiles while buttoning her shirt. "Do you want me to leave now or do you want to take a coffee with me maybe? Go for a walk around London? You know how much I love being here."

A walk. A coffee. And then each of us going back to our life. Yeah she's right, let's do this. "How about going to see if your favorite painting of Bacon is okay?"

xxxxxxxxxxx

We spent the day together. Going to the Tate, drinking coffee, laughing and talking. Clary told me about her job, her frequent trips, the paintings and books she loved. She stepped aside when I was recognized by fans and asked for pictures, clearly amused by the whole situation. She even teased me about the pure strenuousness of my life. We had a very good time together.

And now we are in the station, and she is about to board her train. And all I can do is cursing myself about this stupid rule of not seeing her again. Because if I want to stick to the rule that I'm not gonna sleep with her again or engage in a relationship, I would have loved to keep her as a friend. She is smart, funny, not afraid to put me in my place when I act like a jerk.

"Passengers for Paris..."

"It's my call Jace.. Ahem.. I should go".

We've gone from pleasant company to awkwardness again. I don't know how to say goodbye to her.

"Thanks for the day, Jace. I spent a great moment.. And not just when, you know, well..." Blush appears on her cheeks again. And the need to pin her against the next wall to have my way with her reappears. I come closer, not touching her, and smile.

"Yes; it was a great moment. And not only when. Even if it was probably the most intense time of this day. I will keep it in mind for a long time, Darling".

"Don't worry, I won't speak about this to anyone. Not even with my friends. And not with the other fans. You will never hear about me after today. I won't act like Kaelie".

The mere mention of Kaelie makes me cringe. I have forgotten I have to deal with that. I sigh. The speaker of the station calls passengers for Paris one last time before the closing of the boarding.

"Well, goodbye, Jace" she mutters, with a timid wave of her hand. And like this morning, I can't help grabbing her by the arm and pulling her into a hug. "Come here". What changes compared to a few hours later is my mouth crushing on her lips and my tongue tangling with hers. I can't imagine letting her go without drowning myself one last time in her scent. A few seconds of battling for dominance, one last moan and she pushes me back with her hand. She stares at me like she wanted to burn my face in her mind.

"See ya, Clary"

The smile that appears on her face is nothing like joyful. It's a sad smile. "I don't think so, Wayland. But thanks. For making me alive" and she turns on her feet, disappearing into the station.

xxxxxxxxxxx

 **TheJaceWayland  
** Intense Fucking Day x

 **LondonAddict**  
It was a great day to be alive.


	17. Chapter 17

**I hope you enjoyed the last chapter as I enjoyed writing it. Let's see where all this will go, shall we ? because you can guess it will go somewhere and that our two characters will bump into each other one day.**

 **Don't forget to leave me a trace of your reading by hitting the Review Button. I tried to answer to every logged user, if you don't get it, don't worry, it's coming your way.**

 **As always I don't own the characters but the plot is mine.**

* * *

 _"This is my face_  
 _Covered in freckles_  
 _With the occasional spot_  
 _And some veins_

 _This is my body_  
 _Covered in skin_  
 _And not all of it_  
 _You can see_

 _And, this, is my mind_  
 _It goes over and over_  
 _The same old lines_

 _And, this, is my brain_  
 _It's torturous analytical thoughts_  
 _Make me go insane_

 _And I use mouthwash_  
 _Sometimes I floss_  
 _I got a family_  
 _And I drink cups of tea_

 _I've got nostalgic pavements_  
 _I've got familiar faces_  
 _I've got a mixed-up memory_  
 _And I've got favourite places_

 _And I'm singing "oh oh" on a Friday night_  
 _And I'm singing "oh oh" on a Friday night_  
 _And I'm singing "oh oh" on a Friday night_  
 _And I hope everything's gonna be alright_  
 _And I'm singing "oh oh" on a Friday night_  
 _And I hope everything's gonna be alright"_

 **Kate Nash** \- "Mouthwash"

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 **Three weeks later...**

He stands naked in all his glory in front of me. The way he walks towards me should make me be afraid of him as he is all predatory, and I know I'm trapped. He chuckles and without a word, grabs my waist and digs his fingers deep in the skin of my hips. Turning me away from him, he pushes me against the wall and nudges my legs apart with his foot. And without hesitation, he plunges into me from behind. He thrusts into me relentlessly, almost in a punishing way, and soon I'm close. It could be painful if I wasn't so wet for him, and I can't help moaning his name. "What have I told you about screaming my name?"

"Babe! Wake up!"

I jump from the couch, waking up from the most vivid dream I've had so far. So vivid that my fingers immediately touch my hips, almost feeling the tips of his fingers there. I slowly stroke the skin where not long ago, I could still discern the red marks Jace left, reminding me what happened was not a dream. Our time together left traces all over my body and I had the biggest difficulties to hide them. Thanks god, Sebastian left one whole week to go abroad for his work just after I came back home and when he returned, the traces could only be seen if you know they were here.

I turn my head towards Sebastian, in front of me.

"Are you okay babe? You seem a little flustered. Were you having a nightmare?"

"Yes, a nightmare. That's it. What's going on?"

He hands me his phone. "I was talking to Simon but Izzy wants to talk to you. And you know how she is..." He said,laughing. I smile tenderly at the thought of Izzy probably trying to grab the phone from Simon's hand if she has something important - or not - to tell me.

"Hey, what is so unimportant that you almost broke poor Simon's arm?" I chuckle.

"Clary! You won't guess where we're going on Saturday evening!" I glance at Seb who shrugs his shoulders, ignoring what she's talking about.

"I don't know where you're going Izzy but I know that on Saturday evening, I will be alone at home with a good movie. Remember? Our husbands are going to a show together."

Once or twice a year, Simon and Sebastian plan a men's night, enjoying a concert or something.

She squeals. "Oh yes, you are gonna spend your evening with a good movie. Remember my friend who works in a radio station? He has two invitation cards for a movie premiere on Saturday and he wants to give them to me. Not just invitations to the premiere but also to the after party."

"I don't like that kind of things Izzy, it's just too formal, I want to enjoy a movie without that kind of ceremony, I don't need meeting actors or whatever."

She giggles. "Wait wait wait. You won't say no after that. Do you know which movie it is? It's Shadowhunters."

I can't speak. It is the last movie Jace did. Which means if it's a premiere, he will be there. Jace I promise myself never to see again, Jace whom I promise he won't see me after our day together. I never contacted him after it, it's not to rush into the first French event he will attend to.

"Ah ah ah... I told you. You are speechless Clary. I knew it would make you happy, you are gonna meet your crush. Oh, I'm so happy for you. When Bat told me he had invitations for this premiere I was purely ecstatic! It's the best thing ever. I want to see Jace in flesh, see if he's worth all the fuss about him."

I reply harshly. "I won't go Izzy. Thanks for this, I know you thought about making me happy in accepting those invitations but you know I don't like this. I don't like dressing up, it's not for me, and I suppose that's the kind of event you don't show dressed in chucks and jeans".

"Clary Verlac. You're breaking my heart. Seriously" she whines at the other end of the line. She's not playing fair, she knows the voice she is using makes me all emotional and that I can't resist when she is like that. "Please Clary. I really want to go. I've never been to a premiere, never met actors in real. Please..."

I sigh. "You promise you won't go all ballistic and won't fangirl in front of everyone? You promise you won't force me to dress up too much?"

All I can hear is a sharp shriek and I have to put the phone far from my ear not to become deaf. I hand the phone back to a laughing Seb, shouting at my friend. "Dont make me regret this, girl. I'm warning you".

I leave the room, smiling, my fingers slowly touching my lips. It's been two weeks and I still can feel the touch of his lips against mine, the taste of his tongue in my mouth. These few hours have ruined me for any other man, and especially for Seb. I promised myself to forget him as soon as I left him and yet, I can't help thinking about him and what he did to me. And not just the amazing moment on the counter, but also the rest of the day. We spent a very good time together, laughing and talking. I discovered a Jace totally different from what he's showing in spotlights. A Jace totally unsure of himself, afraid of deceiving people and especially himself, a Jace afraid of not being able to do what he likes and trapped of doing what people expect of him. He likes reading and writing songs, he loves being an actor but music is really his life.

I still check his Twitter profile every day, as I did before I really met him. He seems as usual, not sad but not happy, tweeting about what moves him or most of the time, what annoys him. Posting pics or songs, reviews of his new movie or events to come. I haven't commented any more on any of his status, but still speak about him a lot with my friends online. All of this has just another particular taste. When they speak about what the sight of his sticking tongue on his new picture is doing to them, I can only remember what his tongue did to me, and it makes my insides tingle.

Every time Seb touches me feels so dull after that, but I force myself to enjoy it at least a bit because he's my husband and I need to go back to what we've had before that. I debated for long hours when he was away whether telling him or not my cheating but I've never been brave. I chose to live with the weight of guilt on me because I don't want to end up alone and miserable. And I love my husband, despite this moment of weakness.

I hear Seb literally giggling behind me.

"Are you really giggling like a girl? What's so funny?" I ask him.

"Babe, you are so naive. Do you really think you won't end up totally pampered and dressed up with heels, hairdo and make up? Come on, it's Izzy, remember. I won't be surprised if she hasn't already chosen what you are gonna wear in three days"

I sigh. "Yes I must be too naive. This premiere is not a good idea. I don't like going out without you."

"You will have fun I'm sure. And you will see him in flesh remember, it's a great thing for you"

I hear the slight touch of disgust in Seb's voice when he speaks of Jace. In fact he's using more and more "him" and avoids calling him by his name. As if denying his name would deny his mere existence.

"Are you jealous? You know, I'm sure I won't be able to meet him with all the crowd. He probably won't show up more than a few minutes for the red carpet and leave."

His arms circle my arms from behind and he puts his chin on my shoulder.

"Yeah Babe. I'm jealous I won't be there to see you so glamorous and gorgeous and I won't be able to enjoy the view. You know it makes me crazy when you wear heels". He illustrates immediately his words by pushing his hips hard into my lower back. The fact that he is hard for me can't be ignored. His hands leave my waist to slowly trail up to my breasts and he turns me around. He leans towards my face and gently kisses me. Pushing the comparison between the passionnate touch of Jace and the kindness touch of Seb in the back of my mind, , I lose myself in this embrace, knowing well things will end heating up and in bed. Seb gently cradles my cheek and whispers in my ear "I need you. Come to bed Clary".

A loud band keeps us from going further.

"What the fuck? Are we waiting for someone?"

I sigh "No Seb. It's 3pm on a Wednesday afternoon. I don't see who this could be. Let me check". I almost don't have time to open the door that a tornado is in the middle of the room, squealing and jumping. "Damnit Izzy. Stop the madness. What do you want?"

"Here , take your bag, your coat, we're going to Camille's". She replies, gathering my belongings and urging me towards the door.

"No no no girl, stop this. Why in the hell would I go this afternoon to see your only friend that owns a clothes shop?" I ask, suspiciously.

"Clary, you need a dress for Saturday and as you don't work this afternoon, it's the best moment to chose clothes and shoes, and make up and everything. Oh my god I'm so excited, I can't wait to be on Saturday!"

Sebastian bursts out laughing behind us. I turn to look at him.

"Clary come on. Don't be naive. You knew this was coming! Have a nice time with Izzy".

"Traitor" I throw at him before Izzy drags me out of my flat.

xxxxxxxxx

The dressing room is scattered with dozens of evening dresses and shoes. I must have tried all the dresses of the shop but Izzy isn't satisfied. She claims that we haven't found the one yet. She makes me try on different styles, from very formal to totally eccentric, from midnight blue to bright fuchsia. And with these go heels. My nightmare. Because I'm totally clumsy when wearing these in addition to making my feet painful.

I open the door of the dressing room and shout out at Izzy.

"Come on, isn't this nightmare ending anytime soon? Just find me a nice dress, whatever it is and let me go back home".

She excitedly explains. "No no no Clary I want to find the best dress for you, the one who will enhance your curves and your skin. You are gorgeous but you hide behind those ..." She lifts my clothes in her fingers with a disgusted face. "...rags. Seriously Clary when women have a hot bod like you, they show it."

"Hey, don't be mean. They're just jeans and chucks. I'm married, I don't have to appeal to someone else than Sebastian. And he likes what I wear."

She smiles. "Clary, dear. It's above all for you and your self confidence that you need to dress a bit sexier. Believe me, even if you only have your man in your life and you're faithful, it's really good for your self esteem to feel hungry eyes on you."

I cringe internally at her words. I didn't need to wear sexy clothes to have jace's hungry eyes on me and be unfaithful.

"Believe me Clary. Seb would be crazy if he saw you dressed up more often. He wouldn't keep his hands off of you. Even if it seems to be already the case." She chuckles in front of my puzzled look. "Do you really think I didn't notice I was interrupting something when I came in? Seb wasn't especially discreet when he adjusted himself."

She hands me another set of underwear and a black dress. "I think I've found it Clary. Try this. And don't say something before you show me. And before you see yourself. Yes I think that's the one."

I roll my eyes at her while looking down at what she is holding. I clearly discern a black thong. Which is something I'm not comfortable with. Yeah too sexy.

"Clary please. Trust me. Try it."

I grab the garments and go back into the dressing room. As soon as I put all this on, and even if I haven't seen myself yet, I know she is right. I feel sexy, powerful, and desirable. Excited to see what I look like I step out and place myself in front of the mirror. What I see surprises me. Is this reflection me? The black dress is short without being slutty, it has no sleeves but a bustier which makes it sophisticated. It hugs me in the right places and the slit from the bottom of it to the middle of my thigh makes my legs longer. For the first time since a long time, I feel beautiful.

"God, you're gorgeous Clary." Izzy sighs, coming behind me. "You know, if I was into girls, I would totally jump you". We burst out laughing, hugging each other. She hands me a leather jacket and stilettos. "Here, take that. We are gonna keep your rock side. Leather, heels, and red lips. You are gonna be mouth watering." As I apply the lipstick on my mouth, she gathers my hair on the top on my head, letting just a few strands floating around my face. I don't recognize me in that mirror. The woman on it seems confident and ready to pound on the world. She was right. A bit of make up and classy clothes can really make the difference.

I'm now ready for Saturday. In appearance at least. Because I'm totally terrified to see him again. And if I'm secretly hoping to bump unti him, I know that for my marriage's sake, I should not.


	18. Chapter 18

**No you're not dreaming. I'm not dead. I don't have any excuse except perhaps being alive and enjoying life. And I can tell you Life is beautiful at the moment.**

 **So here's chapter 18 for your pleasure and good news, I'm halfway through the writing of chapter 19 ! It's been a year since I began to write all this nonsense and I'm still amazed and happy to read words from people enjoying it. So if this chapter suits you, don't hesitate to leave me a trace of what you think. And as I'm a very nice girl, perhaps I will even send you a tiny spoiler of the next chapter.**

 **As always I don't own the characters but the plot is mine. Who asks for angst ? Well, I love mixing these characters with angsty reality. This is unbetaed so excuse my grammar mistakes.**

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I nervously put red lipstick on my mouth, looking at me in the pocket mirror Izzie handed me. The cab is slowly approaching the cinema where the premiere is happening tonight. Izzie squeals when she recognizes the neighborhood.

"I'm so excited Clary. Thanks again for accepting to come with me." I smile at her. She's really gorgeous, draped in a long midnight blue dress, her black hair done in a sophisticated bun. "Aren't you excited to see Jace ? I know you saw him a few weeks ago at the concert but maybe we are gonna meet and speak with him tonight."

"I am Izzy, really. A bit nervous perhaps. He's a huge star you know.."

She gently taps my hand. "Don't worry, I'm sure all will be fine if we meet him. I'm sure he will succumb to your charm." I sigh. If only she knew... My phone buzzes with a notification. Speaking of the devil...

 **theJaceWayland**  
 **Paris I'm in you for the premiere. See u tonight guys x**

He posted a picture with his status. Black and white pic as usual, of himself in the back of a car. The beauty of this man is incredible. He's wearing shades and his blond hair is gelled back. He's obviously wearing a suit. I can't wait to see him all dressed up, even more when I know all the ink hidden under his clothes.

Izzy grabs my phone. "Damn Clary, he is really really gorgeous and sexy. I can't wait to see him too. If I wasn't married ..." She begins typing.

"Izzy. Stop. Give me that phone."

I manage to stop her before she sends what she wrote. " _See you soon gorgeous_? Seriously Izzy? I'm not that kind of girl. I'm not sending him tweets confessing an undying love like all the girls. I just admire him. A lot."

She looks at me, pouting. "Gosh Clary, you're not fun. Don't you find him a bit sexy at least? You're not just admiring him for his acting, right?" I can't help blushing. "Ahahahaha I knew it. He looks so damn gorgeous. I can't wait to see if he is really like this"

Oh trust me he is more than that, I think, putting my phone back in my purse. The car stops and by all the noise surrounding us, I know we have reached the theater. I can't believe what I see when I open the door of the van. Lights everywhere, a long red carpet and hundreds of girls just waiting for Jace to appear. A guy approaches us and asks us for our invitations.

"Mrs. Verlac, mrs Lewis, welcome to Le grand Rex. I'm gonna escort you inside to help you find your seats and you will be able to follow the red carpet streaming from inside. Once all the guests and actors are here, we will begin the screening."

He escorts us through the theater and explains us that the after party will be in a night club called Pandemonium just across the street. We will need to go there as soon as the movie ends. The venue is gorgeous. Soon, he shows us our seats, in the middle of the cinema. It's a kind of relief. I can easily go unnoticed, much more than if I was sitting close to the aisle.

We have only the time to sit that the red carpet is beginning. It feels so strange watching this on a screen but being just a few feet away. It's as if I was at home watching it on tv except that today, I'm gonna live that after from the inside. Dozens of guests, actors, technicians who worked on the movie are walking the red carpet. Izzy's eyes are shining watching all of this, she is totally bewitched with all this glitter.

Suddenly, a black car stops in front of the cinema and screams come out of the crowd. I sigh deeply. Hold on Clary, that's the moment you long for and dread at the same time. I know that in a few seconds, I will see him appear on the screen and I will have to put on a blank mask,as if nothing happened. As if I could.. I let a muffled sigh out. The moment I see him on the screen makes me realize I have been in denial for the last weeks. How can someone forget this man?

Flashes become crazy once he gets out of the car. The suit he is wearing hugs him in the most flattering way but he keeps his rockNroll side with his ear ring and shades. He smiles widely, totally at ease in front of the cameras. Screams of the crowd join the "Jace, this way please, Jace look at us" of the photographers.

Izzy giggles next to me, grabbing my arm and shaking it with excitement. "Oh my god, Clary. All the stories are true. He is stunning." I laugh. "Damn Izzy behave yourself". She winks at me. "We need to approach him at the after party. I want to see him closer, I can't see clearly his features on that screen". If only I could tell her.. That he has little wrinkles around his eyes when he laughs. That his eyes are the color of the sea. That his teeth are imperfectly adorable. That his hair is as soft as silk. All these memories make my belly clench. And my cheeks red. He stays on the red carpet a few minutes before coming closer to the crowd when he starts signing stuff and taking pictures with fans.

"Clary, I want a pic with him. I want to show off at work on Monday. It's not everyday you meet a huge star." She whispers. "We'll try Izzy, we'll try" I answer, knowing well I will do everything I can to avoid him. I can't risk him seeing him again when I promised him he won't see me again. But I know Izzy, when she wants something she gets it, so even without me she will have his picture with him.

"Look Clary! That's Helen Blackthorn. That woman is so beautiful."

Indeed, Jace co star has just joined him on the red carpet. The two stunning actors are like gods in front of the cinema. She has pale, white-gold hair that falls in ringlets on her shoulders, a golden touch on her long black evening dress, blue green eyes that shine as she smiles. Photographers shout at them for posing a bit longer on the red carpet, to get the best picture. Jace comes closer to Helen, taking her hand in his, for the joy of the people surrounding us. My heart beats faster as I look at them. They seem so right together. They are from the same world. And suddenly, all seems to go in slow motion. I see the way he looks at her, I know that smirk. I know what comes after. I brace myself in my seat, trying not to react as I see his face slowly coming closer to hers. I try not to scream of jealousy as I see him putting his arm around her waist, pressing her against him. I try not to cry when I see his lips touching hers. Laughs and screams erupt around us as well as on the red carpet. But it's like I'm alone watching this, mesmerized by the way his lips move against hers. And quickly, I can't breathe, I can't speak. I didn't know seeing him kiss someone after "us" would be so destructive. I know it would happen someday but it makes me realize I'm jealous as hell. And it makes me realize something else more serious. I have feelings for him. It can't be love. I love Sebastian. It can't be.

"Clary? Are you okay! You are so pale." Izzy's question makes me jump. I try to gather myself and regain composure. On the screen, the red carpet has finished and I see Jace slowly enter, hand in hand with Helen. I can't see them enter the cinema, it's beyond my strength. "Izzy, it's too hot here, I need to go to the restroom to freshen up." She tells me that the screening is about to begin but I assure her I would be back just before. I stand up and leave our seats.

"And don't mess your make up by splashing your face with water, Clary!"

xxxxxxxxxx

The lights open again in the cinema under a round of applause. It must be awesome as people begin to stand up to congratulate him. I don't know because I've spent the entire time with my eyes glued to the back of his head, paying almost no attention to what was on the screen. I've spent two hours in sheer agony, watching Helen run her hand into his hair, and Jace peppering kisses on her neck. If I wasn't with Izzy, I wouldn't go to the after party and would have left during the movie but she's too happy and excited to leave her on her own..

Jace and Helen quickly walk down the aisle towards the exit, hand in hand, to go to the after party. Seeing Jace taking a glance at the seats as he walks, I look down. I don't want to take the risk for him to see me here. What would he think? That I try to see him again despite my promise to disappear from his life and not being a clingy one night stand? Whereas I'm almost here me without wanting it. Thanks Izzy.

She can't keep quiet in her seat, trying to have a better look at the two actors as they come closer to where we're sitting. Soon, I feel her moving in her seat and searching in her purse. She hands me her pocket mirror and her lipstick. "Come on Clary, hurry up! Put a bit of red on your lips and let's go. I don't want to arrive late at the after party. I want to see Jace before he's busy with other fans." I sigh. "Izzy, it's literally across the street. You can't be late. Moreover Jace is probably already busy with fans. You will have more chances to see and talk to him later in the evening".

It only takes us a few minutes to leave the theater and go into the night club just across the street. Even if I have already heard a few times about this venue, it's the first time I'm going there. Pandemonium is the newest night club in Paris but is becoming one of the most famous. Maybe because it's a gorgeous place and that a lot of actors/singers/stars spend their Saturday nights here. For the occasion, it has been entirely redecorated in black and gold and it's the most beautiful scene I've seen since a long time. Candles are scattered everywhere and the softened lights give a special and mysterious atmosphere to the party.

We quickly put our jackets and purse to the cloakroom. Before handing mine I check one last time my phone to see I have a Twitter notification. Jace's tweet a few minutes ago is as mysterious as this party.

 **TheJaceWayland**  
 **I have just seen a ghost x**

Before we enter the main room, an attendant gives us a black satin mask to wear and explains us that the after party is in fact a kind of masquerade ball. I immediately understand better the mysterious atmosphere with the black and gold colors and the candles. Izzy is totally excited at the idea and I'm slightly relieved. I'm gonna be able to remain hidden from Jace during the whole evening. The only thing he could recognize would be my hair. It doesn't really go unnoticed with its bright red color but I guess I'm not the only redhead tonight. Apart from that, nothing can distinguish me from the other women here. Izzy adjusts her mask and without speaking, takes my hand to make me follow her inside.

We are both speechless before the magnificence of the place. The dance floor is already crowded with people swaying to the music, while others gather to talk and laugh with a glass of wine. I immediately spot Jace near the bar, posing for pictures with fans. He is wearing a mask like everybody but it doesn't stop guests from recognizing him. He takes a few pictures then bends over the bar to sign something the girl next to him gave him. It kills me not being able to go see him freely and go backwards to when I was a perfect stranger to him. I guess the picture I wanted so much will never happen.

"Damn Clary, stop looking at him like that. You're drooling". Izzy hands me a glass of champagne, laughing. "Shall we go and see him now? Once you've regained your composure. I knew you would found him utterly sexy and couldn't stop staring. He is totally your type of man. No offense to Sebastian, but I know where your taste lie, Clary".

She is right, Jace is the typical kind of man I used to fall for. Blond, blue eyes, slender but toned figure, tattoos and bad temper. Like all my boyfriends before I met Seb. Who is the total contrary. Dark hair, dark eyes, nice clothes, sweet and nice temper, the perfect husband and son in law.

At this moment, Jace turns his head back and looks in our direction. His eyes are like fire on me and my heart starts beating faster. I need to calm down, he can't recognize me with that mask on my face. He probably looks at us because he heard Izzy laughing. She wasn't very discreet indeed.

"Izzy, you know what? You should go and see him now. I'm going to freshen up a bit. I don't feel well."

"Are you sure you're okay? It's the second time tonight you felt dizzy. Are you sick? Do you want me to go with you?"

I softly smile at her. "Don't worry, I'm just tired and the heat and alcohol don't help. I'm going to the restroom for a moment but don't worry about me. Go and ask for your picture and signature." She complains. "But C, you won't have your picture. You are the fan here, not me. You need to meet him. Aren't you trying to avoid seeing him? Are you afraid?" I sigh. If only it was the reason.. "Maybe I'm impressed. I will be better after freshening myself a bit". She comes closer and hugs me tightly. "You are too shy Clary. He won't eat you. I'm going to see him first and then we'll go together okay?" As soon as she releases me, she straightens her dress and mask and turns her heels to go towards Jace.

I immediately leave the room to find the restroom. The night club is gigantic and I have to go to the first floor to find them. I'm relieved to see they are empty so they will provide a safe place to hide myself for a while. Taking the mask off and looking at myself in the mirror, I can't help wondering why I got into this situation.

It would have been easier to bail out on tonight under a false pretense and not risking to bump into Jace. It's safer for the moment to stay hidden and wait for him to leave. Usually at these kinds of events, actors don't stay very long and leave to have their own after party elsewhere. Once he's not there anymore, I will be able to enjoy the party with my friend, maybe dance a bit, even if I'm not a good dancer at all. I am still surprised at the reflection in the mirror. The woman I see is so grown up, so sexy. It's crazy how a bit of make up and clothes can give power. It's just a shame Jace wasn't able to see me like this. I laugh bitterly. Jace who doesn't want to see me again, Jace who is here with another woman.. Poor me. As if he would have stay single for more than a month. He didn't promise me anything.

The sound of the door being opened tears me of my musings and I quickly put my mask back on.

But I'm not prepared to face what's in front of me when I turn back.


	19. Chapter 19

**Thanks for all your lovely reviews to the last chapter and your awesome theories. Some of you seem to have taken a look in my mind while I was imagining all this. I know I said I was in the middle of the writing of Chapter 19. But as I was writing, it appeared that this chapter was just a monster of more than 35000 words.**

 **So as I am a really really nice girl (I heard you laughing behind your screen), I decided to split it in two and give you the first part today. I know it's a rather small one, but well, you can't wait longer to see who entered the room, can you ?**

 **Enjoy it and tell me what you think please.**

 **As always I don't own the characters (thanks again Cassie Clare for Jace. You brightened our life), but the plot is mine.**

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I wanted to stay hidden from him and he's here. In front of me. Looking rather furious. There's no smile in his eyes. Just anger. His posture is even threatening, his hands clenched into a fist. In front of me isn't the man I spent time with. In front of me is an angry and furious man on the edge, ready to lose control at my first word.

He doesn't come towards me, choosing to lean on the door behind him. But his words express what he's thinking right now as much as his body.

"What are you fucking doing here?" He snaps.

I knew he wouldn't be happy to see me but the disgust I hear in his voice is enough to make tears pool in my eyes. I decide to attempt the impossible and take a big breath."Uh sorry? You must mistake me for someone else."

He mockingly laughs. "Seriously? You really think I don't recognize you? Even with this mask I see you Clary. And even if you had hidden your red hair, I would have recognized your body, which is pretty much on display tonight I must say. I never forget a body I fucked." His words hurt me, they are full of contempt and hatred. All I want is get out of here but I know he won't let me.

"Why are you stalking me? I thought we agreed about the rules."

And with just a few words, the fear I'm feeling immediately turns into anger. Like the first time we met, before the concert. When he thought I entered the room he was in on purpose.

"Why do you always assume people are stalking you,Jace? I didn't want to come and see you. My best friend thought it would make me happy to come to this premiere to meet you. She wanted me to be happy to meet my favorite actor, Jace. What could I do? Oh right I could have told her "Sorry Izzy, I can't go because what you don't know is that I cheated on Seb with Jace, that I agreed it was a one time thing because he never fucked the same girl twice." I'm sure my best friend whose husband is my own husband's best friend would have be very understanding Jace. Really. No problem."

Out of anger, my voice is shaking as if I am on the verge of crying. But I don't want to cry. Not for that asshole. I don't want him to believe there are tears in my throat so I grab the mask and toss it on the floor. "Believe me Jace, I don't want to be here. Especially when I see you like that. When I hear you like that. I don't stalk you. I agree with your fucking rules. But I had to come to keep up appearances. That was the best thing to do. Because I am the one who has to lie every day, who has to live with the guilt of what I've done. Who has to pretend I don't know you when I can't forget you, when I feel everyday the touch of your fingers on my skin. So we can both act now as adults. Put our mask back on and go back to the party. And each of us will take his place back. Me as the anonymous fangirl, you as the perfect heartthrob. Now let me get out of this fucking room."

My speech leaves me out of breath. I'm so angry about being treated like this that I can hit him if he comes near me. And yet, I can't look at him because all I can think when I see his face is flashbacks of that day. I know he stares at me. That he isn't used to be spoken like that. That everybody just cherish the floor he walks on. See Jace, we can be two playing this game of being awful with the other.

"Damn it. Don't say that." He hisses.

"Say what?" I snap.

"That you can't forget me."

"It's the truth. Why wouldn't I say it?"

In two long strides, he is in front of me, dangerously close. He seems to debate the consequences of his next words. "Tell me Wayland, why shouldn't I say that?" I know I'm playing with fire, he is on the verge of losing control. His eyes are closed and his jaw clenched. "Go fuck yourself Wayland and don't ever talk to me like that again." I try to bypass him to reach the door and my desperate attempt to leave him is like a trigger. He grabs my shoulders to stop me and forces me to look him in the eyes.

"Because I'm about to forget all my goddam rules here, Clary. And it makes me angry. Because I never forget them."

I didn't expect this answer from him. I expected him to shout at me. To say awful words that would make me cry. But certainly not this. I try to free myself from his grasp. "It's not because you're angry with yourself Wayland that you have to talk to me like this. Live with this. I'm living with my own remorse."

He loosens the pressure of his hands on my shoulders but doesn't release me. His voice is like a whisper compared to the harshness it contained just minutes ago.

"Do you regret it?"

I shake my head. "No I have no regrets. But I can't help the remorse. What I did has consequences. At least for me. Now let me leave". He doesn't release me. Instead,he gently pushes me backwards until my lower back hits the counter with the sink behind me. His hand cradles my cheek and I can't help leaning into it.

"Please Jace. Let me leave. It's torture being there with you."

"I can't Darling. I can't". His face comes closer to mine and soon his forehead rests on mine. His hands slowly stroke the back of my neck and he takes off the pins gathering my hair on the top of my head, letting my curls fall on my , he whispers in my ear. "It's better like that. It's you." The man holding me in his arms has nothing to do with the ball of anger that burst into the restrooms a few minutes ago. He is the gentleman I spent time with in London. His changing mood confuses me.

He peppers light kisses on my cheek, my heart beating faster and faster as he approaches my mouth.

"Can I?" He asks, his finger gently tracing my lips.

"You scare me Jace. I don't want to be hurt".

"You won't Darling. Don't be afraid of me, never. I will never hurt you.. On purpose." And yet he has been hurting me since we met. With his rules. With the words he used to talk to me. I must be masochistic because I slowly nod in answer. His lips immediately descend on mine and I can't hold a sigh back. All the anger between us seems to disappear with each stroke of his hot tongue against mine. It feels strangely natural to kiss him again, like I've done it my whole life. It feels like home.

Taking me in his arms, he hoists me up on the counter and immediately stands closer, between my thighs. "God Clary.. You're absolutely ravishing dressed like this. As soon as I recognized you, I grew hard." He takes my hand and puts it on his pants to illustrate his point. "I thought I was immune to dresses and heels but once I saw you in the party, all I could think was what these heels would feel like in my back when I fuck you." He's not playing fair, telling dirty words to me. I think he has noticed the effect they have on me. His mouth keeps sucking on the spot just below my ear and I know I'm lost. I try to push him but he grips my hips harder. "What about your rules?" I glance nervously at the door. If someone enters now it would be a disaster.


	20. Chapter 20

**Hello people !**

 **I promised you a monster chapter. Here it is. Ever been on a rollercoaster ? Are you ready for the ride ? Remember, this is rated M for a smut reason **blushes****

 **I would love to know what you think about this chapter or your ideas for the next chapter. Hit the button review for lovely words or just showing this story a bit of interest. Maybe you'll get a preview if you are nice enough.**

 **As always, I don't own the characters but the plot is mine.**

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"Hey, look at me. Don't worry, there's a bodyguard at the bottom of the stairs to avoid an uncomfortable situation."

Damn he has thought about everything. "Rules, Wayland. Remember, the thing that makes you angry at me".

He seems surprised. "At you? No Darling, I'm not angry at you. I'm angry at myself. Because I don't want to but I want you. Because I can't. Because I said I won't. So don't think I'm angry at you. You're far too exquisite and kind for eliciting anger from anybody. And right now I want you". His words touch me. They are moving but I don't know if they are sincere. I don't understand why he is here with me when he came to the premiere with another woman and he is clearly in a relationship with her.

"Let's just pretend we meet for the first and last time, Clary. Please don't deny me this. We will go back to our lives afterwards, whatever they are."

I have a voice in my head telling me I'm doing wrong, that what happened the first time was an incident, that he is a player and that I have nothing good to gain from this. But all my good will seems to dissolve as his hand goes upwards on my thigh. I sigh against his mouth. "Just one last time. Just once". My words are what he was waiting for to assault me. Soon his hands are wandering on my body, while his tongue invades my mouth. He's pretty controlling and bossy, and I welcome every of his touches. His hand sneaks under my dress along my thigh. He hisses. I smile and silently thank Izzy for making me wear this.

"Fuck. That dress was something but stockings and thong under it? You're gonna be the death of me. But as much as I like it.." He hooks his fingers in my underwear and slowly pulls it down. "This has to go".

With a smirk, he puts the piece of lace in his pants pocket. I laugh. "You gather souvenirs , Wayland? You're afraid not to remember this?" Grabbing the back of my head , he whispers. "I never forget a good fuck, Clary. And I'm sure you won't forget either." That man has an overinflated ego but at the same time, he's right, he has ruined me for other men.

"Are you ready for me Darling? Because we have to be quick." I don't have the time to answer. Without warning, he plunges two fingers in me. If I wasn't, I'm now ready because the erotism of his gesture makes a pool of wetness gather in me. And the moans I have managed to repress so far come out. I crush him in my arms and nuzzle my face in his neck while his fingers play in me the most awesome melody ever. He is the only man capable of making me come undone with just a few strokes of his hands. But he stops his ministrations too soon and I whimper at the loss of contact. I see him slowly raising his hand to his mouth and licking his fingers. "It's a shame I don't have time to taste you properly. You seem delicious". Okay, that is the most erotic moment of my life.

Jace quickly grips his belt and unbuckles it, while searching in his pocket. "Get up, Darling" he demands. He puts a condom on the countertop as I stand up in front of him. "Turn around and put your hands on the counter. I want to see your face on the mirror when I make you come". No one has ever spoken to me like this before him. I'm used to sweet words and really conventional sex. I swear this man can make me do all that he wants. I feel him fumble behind me as he sheathes himself. After lifting my dress, he grabs my waist and digs his fingers deep into my skin. I know it will leave marks that I will have to hide.

Nudging my legs apart with his knee, he fixes his gaze on me, on the mirror and says with a cocky smile "I'm gonna make you forget about every time you have been touched". As soon as the words leave his mouth, he slowly slips inside, filling me entirely. We fit in a frightening perfect way and as he starts moving, I feel alive again. He growls my name as he moves and thrusts deeply inside me, and while the situation could make me feel like a whore, I feel powerful, my name never sounding so sexy in a man's mouth. The dream I had a few days ago comes back in my mind; it's just like this. Just raw fucking with him behind me.

His musician hands leave my hips and land off on my shoulders to help him with leverage. He groans and hisses in my ear, dirty words that make me reach the edge even quicker. "Fuck Darling, you feel so perfect... It would have been a shame not to feel you again around my cock. You're so tight". And when I think he's gonna speed up to make me fall, he just slows down, almost stopping, just grinding his hips against mine in a slow and torturous way.

"Jace.. Please."

He bits the lobe of my ear and whispers, "Yes, Clary. What do you want? Tell me, Darling."

"Please, harder".

"I know I said we haven't much time but trust me... You're gonna fall soon. And hard."

He pulls me back to his chest, the heat of his skin radiating through his shirt. I relax back into his embrace, welcoming the tenderness of the gesture, closing my eyes. Gently, he strokes my arms, his hands ending their race on mine on the countertop, as his hips thrust slowly and deeply inside me. And something I haven't noticed before strikes me: since he got his hand on mine, he's been fidgeting with my wedding ring. Opening my eyes, the Jace I see in the mirror isn't the one I was expecting. His eyes are glued to my left hand and I can see him frowning, totally captivated by the golden band on my finger. He almost stops moving and mumbles something I can't decipher.

"Jace, what is it? What happens?"

My words make him look at me in the mirror and in less than a second, he seems to regain composure and put on a mask. Arrogant Jace is back with his cocky smile. Without speaking, he grabs my hips again and thrusts hard.

"You're gonna remember me tomorrow Darling, trust me". He relentlessly moves into me, hard and fast, almost as if he wanted to illustrate the promise he just made, fingers digging in my skin. I have to hold firmly the countertop to keep up with his thrusts as I feel the tension built in me.

"I can feel you clench around me Clary. Damn.. that's the most amazing feeling. You need to come now, I'm not gonna last longer". I'm too overwhelmed by the sensations, I can only just let him play me like a doll.

He moves more frantically, almost out of breath and suddenly he snaps."Come. Now" and the ball of tension inside me explodes, waves of pleasure tearing through my body.

He promised it, I'm falling hard. I ride wave after wave while he's searching to fall too. He casts one last glance at me in the mirror and his head falls backward in ecstasy. He slams one hand on the countertop next to mine as he comes. Little by little, he slows his movements and stares at me. What he does next catches me off guard. The kiss he leaves on my shoulders as he pulls out of me is such a sweet gesture compared to what we have just done. Like the fact that he straightens my dress just before disposing of the condom and putting his pants back on. I don't dare moving or speaking. Once I've spoken, our small bubble will explode and we will have to leave.

He gently strokes my neck and my shoulders. "Are you okay, Darling?"

Grabbing my arm, he makes me turn to face him. "My legs feel like they are in jelly. But I'm more than okay". Our hands don't seem to be satisfied as they run on each other body. I can finally run my fingers through his hair, which is so soft despite the fact it is gelled back as he caresses my back with a delicacy you couldn't imagine from him. My heart beats faster and faster as I bathe in his embrace.

"I have to go back to the party, Clary."

I sigh. "I would love to stay with you but people are waiting for me". Reluctantly I release him and pick my mask on the floor. I straighten my dress while he adjusts his pants in front of the mirror when something hits me. "Jace? Don't you forget to give me back something?" Looking at my reflection, he chuckles. "You think of your panties?" With one last look at himself in the mirror, he turns back.

"Believe me Darling, they're so much better in my pocket than on you."

Opening the door, he gets out, laughing. The last minutes have been crazy and I almost delight in the fact I'm alone. It gives me a moment to gather myself. I pick up the pins he pulled out of my hair and try to gather my hair on my head as Izzy did. But it's a useless task as I have always been unable to do my hair alone. I don't know how I'm gonna explain my looks to Izzy. My hair is all messy, my lips swollen from the force of his kisses. And I haven't any panties left. I'm a mess. But I feel more alive than I've been in the last days. I tried to convince myself I didn't miss him.

But the reality comes back striking me in the face. The only moments I've felt happy in the last weeks were the moments I spent with Jace. Not that I felt unhappy with Seb, he is so nice with me. But I don't feel alive. I feel as if I'm trapped in a life that doesn't suit me. And I've realized that just with the appearance of Jace into my life. Because we may not be in a relationship or whatever, the truth is that the moment I entered this room at the concert, he took a place in my life. My fucked up life, where I'm hurting an awesome and nice guy who loves me, by cheating on him with a gorgeous and well know actor who doesn't give a shit about me apart from the moments he has sex with me. The more I'm thinking about all of this, the more I'm feeling ashamed. And even if I don't regret what we have just done, I feel bad about it. I mean, he didn't even kiss me when he left, whereas he did the first time. Maybe that is what it was this time: one last moment of basic sex.

But without even knowing it, he was right when he told me I was gonna fall hard soon. I'm older enough to know what falling in love looks like. When my heart is beating faster, it's not a familiar round face with black hair I see, it's golden hair, blue eyes and sharp jaw. When I go to bed at night, it's not a muscular and athletic body I expect, it's long legs and tattoos on a pale skin.

I don't know what to do. There's no future in this. I'm living a lie. I'm falling in love with a man who doesn't care about me and that I won't see ever again. I'm married to a man I am awful with but with whom I used to be happy. Jace came into my life and made a mess. And I don't know what to do with this mess. If I was brave enough, I would end my marriage with Sebastian out of respect for him. But it would mean being alone, in love with a guy who doesn't love me, and ending unhappy in my search of perfect happiness. I'm not brave enough for that .

I need to stop thinking about all this. Izzy is gonna wonder where I've been. I have absolutely no idea how long I've stayed in this bathroom.

I bump into her as soon as I get out. She looks crazy. "Clary damn it ! Where have you been? I was so worried. I tried to come and get you but some kind of stupid bodyguard forbade me to go upstairs. Apparently Jace was upstairs too, so people were not allowed. Are you okay? And what have you done to your hair ? It's messy."

"Sorry for worrying you, Iz. I was a bit dizzy and preferred to stay upstairs for a bit. When I splashed water on my forehead it messed the beautiful hairdo you made. I tried to do it again alone but I guess I'm not as talented as you. I look horrible".

"Take the pins off your hair, I can't do it again now. Let your hair down, it will be better than this. And hurry up, I wanna catch Jace for a picture. He disappeared earlier as soon as you left me and I don't want to miss him this time."

Downstairs, the party is in full swing. Loud music, people dancing, alcohol flowing. I immediately spot Jace in the VIP corner. He is sitting on a sofa, drinking a beer with Helen flanked to his side, her hand on his knee. There's a lot of people around them, friends maybe and their managers. It will be impossible to approach them as there are two massive bodyguards blocking the way. At this moment, I realize how much big of a star he is. The brief moments we shared made me think he is like you and me, but he isn't.

"Iz, I don't want to be boring but you won't approach him now. Look at the bodyguards." I sigh.

"I know he never says no to a fan who asks for a picture, Clary. I've done my research. Besides, it's time to use my charms to get what I want! Follow me".

She walks to the nearest bodyguard, swaying her hips and sticking out her chest, in full seductive mode. I am shocked and worried at the same time. Because I know nobody can resist Izzy's sex appeal. And as soon as I see her whispering something in his ear, I know we're lost and that he's gonna ask Jace to come to see us.

"Now, let's see if I've kept all my powers" she bursts out laugh.

"What have you promised him?" I nervously ask.

"Oh come on Clary, don't be afraid. I gave him my number. Except I've given him the phone number of that bitch at work who's been annoying me since a few months."

That girl is a devil. But her plan is working because next time I look up, Jace is coming towards us. I hope he knows I've nothing to do with this. The smile he has on his face makes me relieved a bit but after his tantrum in the bathroom, you can never know. And suddenly, Izzy who was so excited is like every girl who meets Jace one day: totally mesmerized and unable to talk.

"Hey girls ! How are you?"

I have to nudge her discreetly to break the spell he put on her. She stummers a shy hello and hands him a paper to sign. He chuckles while signing.

"Have you forgotten how to talk, Honey?"

"Ahem no. Thanks Jace."

"No problem, what's your name ?"

"Iz.. Izzy. And that's Clary. The movie was awesome and that party is just a dream."

His eyes land on me. "And you Clary, do you enjoy _coming_ tonight?"

That asshole. He knows his double meaning question is gonna make me blush. All I can do is nod in answer. He chuckles "Well, let's take pictures, shall we?"

Izzy hands me her phone and bounces to Jace. She grabs his waist for the picture, and this innocent gesture makes me jealous at once. Because she's able to do this and have her picture with him when I can't. I take three pictures of Jace and Izzy, both of them looking absolutely gorgeous. Every time I see him taking pictures with different women, I can't help thinking how plain I look compared to them.

"It's you turn, Clary! Give me the phone and go with him!"

"Ahem, no Iz, I'm good."

"No way, he's your idol, you need to have your picture. Go now!"

I slowly approach him, not knowing what to do. He seems to decide for me as he puts his arm around my waist and flushes me against him.

As Izzy fumbles with her phone, he whispers in my ear. "Don't worry, it's not written on your face. Nobody can know we've just fucked. Don't feel guilty, or bad. I know what you're thinking right now. But we both wanted it." I try to keep the smile on my face as Izzy takes some pictures when all I want is burst into tears. Or jump on him. After all that happened, I can't bear being this close to him and pretending I don't know him.

"When you wil be sore tomorrow Darling, you will think about me. About what I can do to you and how I can make you feel."

I stammer. "But you said it was the last time."

And as Iz takes an ultimate picture,he answers me with a sultry voice. "I know. But do you really believe we won't meet again? This is too good to stop,Darling."


	21. Chapter 21

**As always, I don't own the characters, Cassie Clare do, but the plot is mine. Can't wait to read your theories ! Hit the review button to let me know what you're thinking.**

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I groan as the alarm on my phone buzzes. For a few seconds I feel disorientated, not remembering where I am. The room is clearly not mine. And then all comes to my mind again. The premiere, the after party, Paris. I'm in my hotel room and I know I'm gonna have one of the biggest hangover ever. I immediately blame myself for the number of drinks I had last night or rather until early this morning.

It seems there's nobody in my bed this morning. I don't know if I came back to my room this morning alone or not, because I don't remember a goddamn thing about what happened yesterday when I started heavily drinking. I remembered we left the after party with Helen and our movie team in the middle of the night to pub-crawl. But after that ? I remember nothing.

The only thing I remember in a vivid way is my encounter with Clary. At first I was submerged with anger to see her there. We agreed it was a one time thing and here she was. The first thought coming to my mind at the moment was that she was exactly like Kaelie. Clingy, annoying, childish fangirl. I was furious against her. But I was furious against myself as well. Because the second I saw her , I wanted her. I wanted to tear off that gorgeous black dress she was wearing and leave her only in these killer shoes she had. I wanted to have my way with her right here, right now.

When I decided to follow her in the bathroom, I wanted to confront her, and remind her what we agreed to. There was no way I would break my rules for her. And yet I did break those fucking rules. The moment she snapped at me, telling me she didn't want to be there and see me, that she was aware it was a one time thing, aroused me and hurt me at the same time. Even if I told her we wouldn't see each other again, I can't stand hearing her that. I had to show her what she was missing. And at the same time, the vulnerability she showed made me want to take her in my arms and keep her safe.

It's been months since I haven't had so many feelings running in my head, especially during my encounters with girls. It's usually pure sex, no emotions except for the physical feelings one can have during these moments. In a few seconds, she can make me angry and horny, protective and cocky. With her, both my bad and my good sides appear at the same time. My good side which has been lost since Aline broke me. In a perfect world, I know I could have fallen for Clary. In a perfect world, she would be my age, living in London, in my world, and free. And I would be open to another relationship. But it's not a perfect world. She is older than me, married, living too far away and I won't break my rules for anyone. Ever.

I yawn and grab my phone on the bedside table, getting up. My breakfast is already waiting for me in the suite, as well as my publicist, Hodge.

"Goddamn Hodge! Why are you already here? It's too early. Leave me alone" I moan, sitting at the table.

He laughs. "Morning to you too, Jace. You have a busy morning and I'm here to make sure you'll be ready on time, especially considering the late hour you came back to your room and your drunken condition".

"Great, that's what you're paid for. Now leave me eat in peace. Please", I answer, taking my throbbing head into my hands.

He throws a bottle of painkillers on the table. "You have one hour to get ready Wayland. In one hour, you're in front of your hotel, dressed, in your best mood and ready to go to the three interviews you have to do this morning. I should have send Helen to wake you up, maybe she could have put you in a better mood".

I chuckle. "Seriously ?"

He points his finger at me in a menacing way. "Remember what we've talked about, Jace. Don't make me regret this."

I sigh. "No worries. You've been very clear about this".

xxxxxxxxxx

The lights in the room are too bright for my eyes and even with my sunglasses on, the headache I have is more painful as time flies. Luckily we have already done two interviews and there's just one last one to go. After that, I'm just going to crawl back into bed and sleep.

"Are you okay; Hun?"

I look at Helen, who has just taken her place back next to me. God it's been only a day since I kissed her and she's already given me pet names.

"I'm fine, thanks Helen. I just have a massive headache. Too many drinks last night I guess."

She laughs, putting her manicured hand on my arm. "I know how you must be feeling considering that last nigh;t you nearly passed out as soon as you touched your bed. I was hoping you would wake up at some point but you were snoring so loudly I went back to my room".

Okay we haven't slept together last night. Good to know. I'd regret not remembering that.

The journalist sits in front of us and shakes our hands. A good looking man in his forties. That's good news, because maybe for once I won't have questions about my personal life. Every time the journalist is a woman, I have a question about whom I am currently dating or worse, about my break up with Aline. As we are two public persons, it made the headlines as soon as the word spread.

"Jace, Helen. Thanks for your time. It's gonna be a quick one as I know you are in Paris just for two days and I don't want to deprive you of your quality time in our beautiful city. I wanted you to know that I absolutely loved your new movie. Can you tell me how you were approached for this part and what you felt during the filming?"

That is Helen's job. She loves doing this, telling the story behind the movie and other funny details. I look discreetly at my watch. It's nearly noon. I'm gonna have plenty of time to visit Paris until we come back to England tomorrow. Not the touristy things but art museums. I find in paintings something I didn't find in cinema or music. And while the rest of the cast will probably climb the Eiffel Tower, I will be at the musee d'Orsay.

"And sometimes, well you know, through working with someone, you get closer to him..." Helen's linking her fingers with mine makes me come back to the conversation. I mentally facepalm myself. If I knew she would be so clingy, I wouldn't have kissed her yesterday. But I guess you can't say about your rules to the famous Helen Blackthorn, can you ?

The journalist chuckles. "Well, we know you are a secretive man Jace, but we haven't expected that yesterday evening. You clearly exceeded press's expectations."

"You know, I can be full of surprises" I laugh, squeezing Helen's hand in mine. As much as I like that long lost skin contact, it doesn't feel right.

"Speaking of surprises, I heard you did a concert in London last month with your band. Is it a serious new occupation ? Or is it just a way to relieve the stress from acting?"

As soon as he finishes his question, I know that he has just become my most favorite journalist of all time. It's the first time someone asked me something my music. And it makes me excited at once.

"Ah God bless you and your awesome question. No, it's not just a means to relieve the stress from acting. It's serious and we've been approached by a producer to record an album very soon. I love acting , but I love singing and playing music too and I can't be complete if I don't have both sides in my life. So basically what I'm doing now is trying to be on both sides at the same time but I know that in a near future I'm going to concentrate a bit more on music, while doing the album."

I glance towards Hodge, behind the journalist. If he could kill me right now, he would do it. His face is white with anger and his fists clenched. I know he's not happy about all of that. I'm his golden boy. If I withdraw from the movie industry for a bit, I won't need him anymore. And it might be for the best. Although he is one of the best publicists in London, his behavior begins to profoundly irritate me and I don't like the way he talks to me. Whereas his ideas were rather good for my carrier at the beginning, they tend to be dangerous and even ridiculous nowadays. Especially the last one.

"Great news Jace, good luck for this ! You can be sure I will be the first to buy and listen to that album."

"Thank you so much, you won't be disappointed I promise.. but my publicist is telling me that the interview is over", I reply, looking at Hodge coming closer to us.

We shake hands and noticing Hodge's angry face, the man quickly gets out.

"Really Jace ? Are you fucking kidding me ? You could have even told him you're quitting the industry right now. IT WILL BE IN THE PAPERS TOMORROW MORNING for fuck's sake ! What happens to you, are you crazy or stupid ?" He yells at me. This reaction is what I've expected from him. But what I wasn't expecting was to feel him grab my arm and violently shake it.

"Hodge. Let me."

"You are throwing your career away, boy, trust me"

I deeply breathe. "Let go of my arm. Hodge. And don't call me boy".

He laughs, releasing me. "What do you want me to call you ? You're a kid, a boy. You don't know how to behave like an adult. You aren't capable of thinking, you just act how it pleases you. Your life ? If I wasn't here, you would be on front page of tabloids. Your music ? It won't work. People want to see you on a screen, not on a stage. You being good as an actor doesn't mean you're good as a musician. Play with your friends in a basement or a pub if you want but as long as I'm in charge of you, you won't throw everything for music!"

"Keep on speaking to me like that and you won't be in charge of me anymore. Never. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to have a smoke. Or drink. But anything to avoid seeing your fucking face.."

The room we're in luckily has a balcony. I open the window and get out, immediately lightning a cigarette. All this is going too far, I think, rubbing my face. His way of handling my contracts and my career doesn't suit me anymore because he wants me to be someone else. He can't understand I need music in my life to feel complete because he feels threatened of losing his easy money. And he has begun to interfere a bit too much in my private life. His last idea? Pure bullshit. And yet I agree.

The window behind me opens with a crack. I knew who it was as soon as I smelled her perfume. She comes closer to me and puts her hand on my shoulder.

"What do you want Helen? I'm not in the mood for talking."

"I just want to see if you are alright. It was pretty intense back there. Hodge isn't allowed to speak to you like that.. even if I agree with him."

I shrug her hand that is still on my shoulder and face her.

"What? You do think my music is shit ? That it won't be a success? Well thanks for the support, Princess" I snap. I know she doesn't like this nickname Press gave her a long time ago.

"Hey, you don't have to talk to me with this tone. I'm not your enemy Jace, I'm not against you. I don't think your music isn't good. I only agree with Hodge when he says it will make the headlines tomorrow. Don't be on the defensive".

Tossing my cigarette away, I sigh.

"Sorry Helen.. I'm a bit tired and nervous and maybe slightly still hungover."

"I know babe, it will get better once we're back in London." I cringe at her choice of pet name. At least with Clary, I don't get that sort of thing. Clary, Clary, what could she be possibly doing today? Maybe if I text her... I mentally slap me. Rules. Never seeing her again. But on the other hand, yesterday was so good. It was a thing to have her on many countertops but i know it would be explosive to have her under me in a bed. Or on top of me. I chuckle. Damnit Wayland, stop your musings. It won't be reasonable to call and see her again. But who says I'm reasonable ?

I swear it's like I have two voices in my head. One that commands me to follow my rules, not call her, not see her. But the other one, which is more and more present, which urges me to call her and make her my friend with benefits. But who would agree to this ? Not someone with all her senses. Especially when she has a lot to lose. Except if... I shake my head, chasing this idea from my mind.

"Should we go back to our hotel and spend time in your room? Or do you want to go for shopping ?"

I look at Helen. She doesn't know me. Because she should have known that I loathe shopping. And that all I wanna do when I'm in such a beautiful city is just getting lost in art.

"Don't take offense but I need time alone. I will see you tonight" I reply while kissing her on the forehead. It's the gesture she has been waiting for to know it is safe to approach me. Because as soon as my lips leave her skin, she grabs my neck and crushes her mouth on mine. I'm surprised at first by her boldness. Yesterday evening, she seemed almost shy under my kisses and let me lead the way. But now, she invades me as soon as she touches me. And while her kiss is pleasant, it feels so wrong. The dance our tongues are doing is awkward and nothing close to the perfection of Clary and mine. Peppering light kisses on her mouth, I untie her arms from my shoulders and gently push her back.

"See you tonight, Helen. I'll let you know when I'm at the hotel. Maybe you could come to my room later, okay?"

The sparkles in her eyes tell me she has understood what that means. She is like a little girl before Christmas, waiting for her big present to be given to her. I can't help the smirk appearing on my face. She won't be disappointed.


	22. Chapter 22

**This chapter is a lot shorter than usual. Sorry but I hope you'll enjoy it. If you want to know which paintings Jace is fond of, search for "La nuit Etoilée" and "Portrait de l'artiste" By Vincent Van Gogh.**

 **As always, I don't own the characters, Cassie Clare do, but the plot is mine. What do you think of our golden boy's attitude ? hit the review button to let me know.**

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I don't know why I love this painting so much. There's a thing in the face on the canvas that attracts me. In the predominance of the blue colour. I take my phone and snap a picture of the painting to post on twitter.

Just before tweeting it, I hesitate. Won't it make dozens of people coming to the museum to see me ? It's always like that. It has been really quiet since I arrived. Maybe because I am not wearing my usual black leather attire. Deciding to wear beige chinos and a black shirt with a beanie has been the best decision I've taken today. Nobody seems to recognize me. But I know that once I've posted the picture, I'm going to experience major stalking. But I know that Clary is going to see it and maybe will come to me. I've decided not to call her but if she comes to meet me, it's not my fault, right ?

I can't help thinking of her since yesterday. Since the day I've met her to be honest. Can someone be addicted to someone else's body ? In the past, I would have said no but my meeting with Clary has changed everything. My body has been craving her since the moment her skin came in contact with mine. And even if I don't do relationship, I'm ready to be friends with benefits with her. Because that kind of relationship won't be fake as a part of my life is at the moment. Because she is, at the moment, the one I can be real with. I realize I need her. But I know that's not fair for her. I can't ask her to jeopardize what she has for me. Just for my pleasure. And yet, I secretly hope she's gonna show up this afternoon. I guess if she comes, that will erase the small hint of guilt I'm feeling about all of this.

Giggles behind me make me turn around to face two teenage girls blushing. And here we are.

"Hey what's up girls ?"

"Can we take a picture Jace , please ?"

"Of course, let's do some selfies, shall we?"

And for the next hour, I take pictures, sign fan books or old pictures, chat with fans in the museum. Despite the number of people coming to me, all remain very quiet and respectful. And between all these moments, I'm still able to enjoy the paintings of the different aisles of the place. Like the one I have been standing before since a few minutes.

"I didn't think you were a Van Gogh admirer. I'd have bet for something darker".

I smirk at the voice besides me before turning back.

"Because you don't know the tourmented artist he was, Darling. Do I need to remind you he cut his own ear and was interned ?"

She laughs. "Okay now I see why you love him".

Clary stands awkwardly in front of me. You could think that after everything we shared, our encounters would be easy. But even after that, she still don't know how to greet me.

She is more gorgeous than yesterday, if that's possible. She was sexy in dress and heels. She is just beautiful in her everyday clothes. All in black. She looks fierce in her leather jacket and jeans and my body quivers at her sight. Wait a minute Wayland, since when do you react so much to a body you've fucked before? That you've fucked twice before ? Maybe that's the difference.

"What are you still doing over there?"

She comes to me, whispering loud enough for me to hear her. "Are one night stands even supposed to hug to say hello?"

"There are no rules, Darling, when one night stands become two night stands.. or more."

And when my groin shudders as she crushes me against her in a tight hug, I know that if she's up for it, I need her for more than a one night stand. I need to feel her skin regularly against mine.

Letting me go, she laughs. "Believe me or not, I don't know what I'm doing here."

I wink. "You couldn't resist, Darling".

"You weren't easy to find by the way. What's with that whole new look?"

"Sometimes even rockstars need peace .. and yet you found me."

She smirks, playing my own game, approaching her mouth to my ear. "Like you, I don't forget a hot body I fucked".

I burst out laughing. "Come on, let me buy you a coffee".

xxxxxxxxxx

One hour later, we are still in the museum café, enjoying a hot beverage and talking about everything and nothing. About her life and what she loves : reading, music, travel, art. I notice that we have very similar tastes. We talk about me too but not the actor, no, the real me. The one who enjoys staying at home to watch a movie instead of partying hard every night.

But none of us has addressed the big issue here.

"You said earlier you didn't know why you're here."

"I did."

"And now... do you know why?"

"Not really. Maybe because your last words yesterday evening were enigmatic."

I raise one eyebrow. "Enigmatic? No Clary, they were easy to understand. That thing between us is too good to stop. No more rules, except the one about the no relationship. I was clear yesterday. I told you what I want. And I think you clearly understood me. And that's why you're here today."

She remains silent, her eyes stuck to mine. I know that if my offer is too direct for her, she will stand up and leave for good. But that's all I can propose her, nothing more. I would be disappointed if she chooses to walk out of here and my life because I really appreciate her, but I will recover from this. After all, I have Helen waiting for me.

She swallows slowly. "If I understand you correctly... you propose me to be your .. fuck buddy?"

"More like friends with benefits."

She doesn't answer, but I can see on her face the train of thoughts going in her head.

"You can say no, you know. I understand that's a lot to ask to you. I don't want to put pressure on you. Do what you want , Darling."

She seems so lost at this moment. And I realize what an asshole I am, totally forgetting the fact that I put a mess in her life. Before she met me, she was an happy wife, with a quiet and happy life. And now, I ask her to completely put her vows aside to fool around with me. I am close to tell her to forget what I've said and to part on a cordial way when she speaks.

"Indeed. It's a lot to ask, Jace. And while I know I should say no and tell you to go to hell, I can't decide."

A lone tear is spilling on her cheek. I immediately brush her skin. "No no no Clary, this shouldnt bring you pain. It's only about pleasure here. If it makes you sad, just tell me to fuck off."

"I need to think about it. I can't tell you now, okay? I will find a way to let you know".

"Just call me or text me then. And don't feel pressured really. As much as I wanted you to say yes, I can't bear making you unhappy. You have my phone number."

She seems surprised. "Yes, the last time I called you when you were in London.. that's my personal phone number. Use it".

She smiles and without a word, she gathers her phone and her bag and stands up, ready to leave. Standing immediately, I take her in my arms and hugs her tightly, whispering in her hair. "I know I don't have the right to ask this to you, it's not fair. But I'm a selfish bastard, I want you."

She looks up and answers me. "Don't worry, I will take the best decision for me, I just need to think about it. It's not something I'm asked everyday you know, I mean, I'm just so mundane compared to you. You are so..." I don't let her finish and silence her with a kiss. I don't need her to tell me again that I have nothing to do with her. I can't help moaning at the touch of her lips and the way they're moving in sync against mine. Her body pressed against mine, I totally forget about the world around us. She is the one deepening the kiss this time, her tongue gently licking my lower lip.

"Think about it, Darling, but say yes please. Don't you see we are so good together? We can't stop this."

"But Helen?"

I snap. "What ?"

She sheepishly looks at her feet. "Yes, Helen. What will she think about this ? About you being unfaithful to her."

I take her head in my hands to make her look at me. "Helen is nothing, Clary. I won't be unfaituful to her because I don't do relationships. Believe me, Helen is nothing to worry about.. Once you've said yes, you will be the only one in my bed."


	23. Chapter 23

**Thanks all for the really lovely reviews I got for the last chapter. I guess we all agree Jace is a very frustrating man. Here's a new chapter for you !**

 **As always I don't own the characters, Cassy does, but I love playing with them.**

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I sigh. There's no way everything is ready before people arrive. What an awesome idea I had to organize a party for Sebastian's birthday on my own. I've always liked cooking but never done it for twenty people.

I suddenly lose my balance and the plate I was holding shatters on the floor, spilling its contents everywhere in the kitchen.

"Damn it" I shout, letting tears of exhaustion running on my cheeks. I have no time to make it again. I've spent two hours making that dish and all is now on the floor. Kneeling down to clean this mess, I don't hear the door of the kitchen open and I realize there's someone with me only when I feel a hand on my shoulder.

"Clary, what happened?"

Maia immediately kneels next to me to help me. Since a few weeks, I have grown closer to her. It really feels good to have a friend outside our usual circle. And even if we haven't talked about Jace since the last time, when I was wondering if I should go to London or not, I know she knows.

"Clary, don't be so upset, it's just a plate" she smiles.

I sigh and more tears keep flowing. "It took me two hours. And all is lost in just a second. I have no time to make another one".

She laughs. "And? It's no big deal. You cooked enough dishes for a week Clary ! I'm sure everyone will find something they like."

She picks the last pieces on the floor and helps me to stand up. "Now you tell me why you are so upset. We are alone."

"I'm not upset. I'm just stressed about this dinner", I lie.

"I'm not just speaking about tonight. You have been anguished since a few weeks now. I thought at first it was just something at work but you have been the same at home. So now, you spill it. It's just between you and I".

I give up and I tell her in a low voice the whole story in a few words. How I joined him this day in London, how I promised him not to see him anymore, how we bumped into each other at that premiere and what followed. His words and finally his proposition.

She hugs me. "Now I understand so much better why you seem so lost. That's a lot for one person, you know. What are you going to do?"

I shrug. "I don't know. I can't do this to Seb, I'm not that person who can fool around and stay with another one. And yet, I've already caused him so much harm without him knowing it. I love Seb, with all my heart. But I'm not feeling complete in this relationship. Not anymore. I miss passion, I miss fire, I miss the excitement of something forbidden. Flowers and sweet nothings don't suit me anymore at the moment. I want to feel alive."

"And what makes you feel alive ?"

My tears are running again on my cheeks. "Jace. The fact that he embraces his good side as well as his bad side. That he can be arrogant and make the world fall at his feet as well as being adorable and sensitive. That he respects me but that he treats like I'm not breakable. That with him I can be a real woman. With Seb, all is just routine. I know he will agree to everything not to bother me. You know what I mean? I want to have someone in front of me that stands up to me. Someone with whom I can express what's really inside me."

She smiles sadly. "But Clary.. what you're saying is only possible if you are in a relationship with that person. Not as fuck buddies or whatever he calls that."

"I'm aware of that. That's why I'm so lost. If I leave Seb, it would be for a non existent relationship. But if I stay with him, the Clary inside me ? She will fade away. In a few years, I will be a sad mum with no more dreams. Because I know that's what's expected of me. To bring a child into this world." I wince.

"What about a compromise? Stay with Seb, enjoy your time with Jace. Be discreet about this. And don't look sternly at me, I know the idea came across your mind. I know you're not that kind of woman. But you're suffering , Clary. You can't remain in this situation forever. At least think about it."

I open the cupboard and take two glasses. I pour some wine and hand her one of them. I need something to calm myself.

"The other thing I don't understand is his thing with Helen. I mean, he obviously is with her, he kisses her in front of cameras. If I jump into that non-relationship with him, it will be too difficult to know he is with someone else when we are not seeing each other."

She sips her drink, turning things over in her head. "From what you've told me, he assured you that once you've said yes, there won't be any Helen or other girl his bed. Why don't you trust him?"

"But what's the point of dumping Helen to be with me ?"

"Are you sure he's not with Helen for appearances ? Clary, think about it.. the man doesn't do relationship.. why would he be committed to someone now? And someone from the same circle? Wasn't his ex a model or something ? I don't think it's a serious thing. I don't think he will finally give in to someone as shallow as an actress could be. If you want to know, just ask him. Frankly."

"Girls! Everyone is here, we are waiting for you both!"

Sebastian walks in the kitchen, handsome and happy as ever. He seems really excited to have all his friends tonight for his birthday. As he takes more glasses, I study him. So many years have passed since I met him for the first time. I've probably spent my most joyful days with him but sadly it's not enough at the moment. I loathe hurting him but I know it's inevitable. I don't know yet which decision I'm gonna take but I know a lot of people will be sad because of this situation. Because of me. But for once, I want to do what I want and not what I'm expected to do. Why couldn't he be more like Jace ? All fire and passion ?

"We're coming. Go on, we will follow you shortly."

Once the door is closed, I breathe out and turns to Maia, who is rummaging the fridge for more bottles.

"Do you think he heard something?"

"I don't think so or that guy is a champion at masking things", she answers while taking two bottles. "But Clary, contact Jace. Let him know you have doubts about Helen. Give him a chance to explain and to give you reasons to trust him. I don't know why, but I think something good might come from this story. I feel it."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The party is in full swing by midnight. Alcohol is flowing freely and Izzy and Simon are dancing in the middle of our living room, with others of our friends. Dinner has been a success and everyone has complimented me about my cooking.

"I would like to saaaaaaay a few wooooords " I smile. Sebastian has drunk too much and his tongue has clearly a mind of its own. "I just want to thank... all my friends that come tonight celebrating me getting a year older agaaaaain. And I want to thank my wonderful wife to organize this party for me.. I love you babe. And the best gift you could give me in the future would be to give me a little Clary".

All our friends are cheering enthusiastically while his words are like a cold shower. Even if I know he wants to be a father, he also clearly knows my position towards this. I know that he doesn't have control over his words because of all the drinks he had tonight but it makes me realize he wants this deep down inside of him.

Sadness overwhelms me. Maybe he's not complete with me either. I feel betrayed by his words tonight. He didn't have the right to say it in front of everybody. Only Maia seems concerned about what happened and mouths me a silent "are you okay?".

I slowly nod and stand up. I need some fresh air. Our balcony is empty, every smoker is inside, enjoying the party.

"Are you okay?"

"I will be, Maia. Don't worry. Can you give me a cigarette, please?"

Maia seems surprised. Maybe she hasn't seen me smoking yet. I turn around once I've taken the lighter she hands me. As soon as the cigarette is lit, I let the smoke penetrate into my throats and my lungs to the point of making me dizzy.

"Thanks. Could you please leave me alone ? I need some time to think."

As silently as she came outside, she goes back into the flat, not without squeezing my shoulder in a nice gesture of friendship.

Without thinking more longer , I grab my phone in my jeans pocket and starts typing furiously.

 **I need to know about Helen. ~ C**

I don't expect a quick answer since it's a Saturday night and he must be out partying. So, when my phone vibrates with a text less than one minute after I've sent mine, I can't hardly believe it.

 **What about Helen? ~ J**

 **You told me I would be the only one if I say yes. But Helen is in your life atm. What about her? What's the point of dumping her? ~ C**

 **Told ya Helen is nothing. She's not in my life atm. Nobody is in my life atm. Say yes, you'll be the only one in my bed. Trust me x ~ J**

 **You'll dump her just to have me in your bed? ~ C**

I smile at his instant answer.

 **Definitely ~ J**

I type my answer. It's like the surface of my phone is on fire. I know I'm gonna get burnt. But that flame is too hard to resist.

 **YES. ~ C**

* * *

 _"Where there is desire, there is gonna be a flame_

 _Where there is a flame, someone's bound to get burned_

 _But just because it burns, doesn't mean you're gonna die_

 _You gotta get up and try, and try, and try_

 _Gotta get up and try, and try, and try_

 _You gotta get up and try, and try, and try"_


	24. Chapter 24

**Happy new year to everyone! January passed so quickly but here's a new chapter for you all. Don't forget to let me know what you're thinking about our pair.**

 **As always I don't own the characters, Cassy does, but I love playing with them**

* * *

I sigh, sitting on the couch.

"No Helen, I told you it has nothing to do with you. I don't want to be in a relationship now."

Two weeks have passed since Clary's text and I have to speak to Helen. I promised Clary she would be the only one and to be completely honest, I am not interested at all in Helen. She's a beautiful woman but she's too superficial for me. I have been putting this moment off for days but I can't delay it anymore.

"I won't be honest if I remain with you, knowing nothing would come from it. No Helen, I'm not interested in keeping it for appearances too.. I don't need it and you don't need it either."

Her voice is piercing in the phone. She goes from accusing me to have another woman in my life to proposing me to remain together for our career. I should have been totally honest from the beginning with her or even better, not agree to this masquerade.

"Listen Helen, I don't know why I kissed you that night. I just felt it at the moment. But I don't want you to hope for something more. It ends here. I don't want anything else from you. I'm sorry if I'm hurting you. You deserve better than this. I'm sorry Helen, really".

She suddenly goes silent. All I can hear is her breath at the other end of the line.

"I will see you next week for the last of the interviews I guess, ok?"

Click. She has just hung up, without another word. Well, at least I've stopped this thing. I really hope now she's gonna be professional until the end and not giving me the silent treatment in the last interviews we have to do.

My phone buzzes with an upcoming text.

 **I am on my way. Should be here in ten ~ C**

I smile. When she contacted me on Monday to tell me she was coming to London for her work for two days, I got my schedule free to spent time with her. Apparently she was here to organize a new trip for her pupils or some shit like that. I couldn't imagine not to have the whole evening for her. Even if we stick to that friends with benefits thing, I'm aware she jeopardizes so much and she deserves more that just a quick shag. She deserves huge respect for this and the least I can do is invite her at home for a dinner and see what the evening has in store for us. I know that I'm breaking another rule there. I never invite someone at home except for my long time girlfriends, friends and family. But I've broken so many rules since I knew her, it doesn't make much difference. People may find me awful and arrogant, and sometimes I am, but I have some manners and I appreciate her company.

I decide before she arrives to let Hodge know about Helen. We haven't talked since that time in Paris but I prefer he learns it from me instead of from Helen herself or worse, tabloids.

 **Told Helen it wasn't possible. Wrong decision to start something. Will talk to you later. ~** **Jace**

As soon as I put my phone in my pocket, the intercom is buzzing.

"Yeah?"

A long silence and then.. "Ahem, it's me. I mean, Clary."

I can feel her nervousness in her voice. But at least I know that if she's here, she won't have second thoughts.

"First floor. Take the stairs on your left".

A discreet knock on the door lets me know when she's here. And as I open the door, I immediately bask in her beauty. She has her long red locks in a sophisticated bun at the base of her neck and the pencil skirt and heels she's wearing make her legs even longer.

"I'm sorry, I haven't been to my hotel yet, where can I put that?" She asks me, pointing at the small travel bag she's carrying.

"You can put it on the kitchen counter, no problem." Her face turns red as soon as the thought of the kitchen counter hits her.

"Unless you want to christen it immediately" I tease. A tremor immediately crosses my groin at the idea.

"We can't contaminate every counter of every flat we visit. Your friends are gonna get angry" she laughs.

She thinks we're in a friend's flat. Should I tell her she's at home? Gosh not "at home", I mentally slap myself. But at my house? Do I trust her enough to reveal this to her ? Deep down, I know I have the answer. If I asked her to come, it's because I know she is a trustworthy person.

"Don't worry... I won't be angry".

She immediately turns back to look at me, eyes wide.

"Your phone then your house.. what's happening to you and your rules Wayland ? Don't they apply to your fuck buddies?"

"Friends with benefits, Darling. The major word is friends here.. so I trust you."

The tension is palpable. Like her, I don't know how to act. This is new to me too. I've never had that sort of thing with someone. I guess we will learn together how this will work.

"Anyway.. do you want something to drink? A beer maybe?"

"Thanks. Would be great. I haven't have time to eat or drink something since this morning. My day was so busy. If I wanted to have free time tomorrow to enjoy London, I had to see everyone today and plan everything".

Handing her the bottle, I nod towards the counter and the stools, inviting her to sit down.

"Why don't you sit and tell me about your busy day while I'm making you a sandwich?"

Ten minutes later, she has told me how she went from high school to high school to try to organize a language exchange for next year. Her efforts have been pointless for the moment because every school she has an interest in seems to already have organized it with another high school in Europe. She's nibbling on her sandwich and I clearly see that this situation is annoying her.

"Do you want me to help you ? I'm sure my old high school would be keen to organize something with you. I can call my old teacher and take you there tomorrow."

A smile immediately appears on her face "You would do that ? For me?"

I nod. "Of course, I can take you tomorrow morning at your hotel and drive you there. What do you think?"

She gets up and immediately throws herself at me, hugging me tightly.

"Thank you so much Jace, don't know what I would do without you. If that doesn't bother you, I gladly accept".

God, she feels good against me. My hands stroke her back, pressing her delicate frame against my body. I can't help inhaling the scent of her hair, apple and delicate perfume. If I wasn't reasonable, I would strip her of her clothes and have my way with her right now. But I don't want her to feel I'm taking advantage of her. In fact, I don't know how to make her understand I want her. I need to be subtle. One thing I've never done. Usually I ask what I want. And girls are just eager to give it to me.

I hate that she makes me feel so unsure of myself. It's not who I am. A few weeks with her and my shell is beginning to shatter. She looks up to me as she tries to read in me. There's no way I will let her see what's in my mind at the moment. I need to take the lead again.

Cradling her head and smirking, I whisper. "It's my pleasure, by the way, I think I haven't greeted you properly."

Clary points at the plate and bottle on the counter. "That was a proper greeting on the contrary; thank you again for this meal, you know I haven't had the time to.."

Grabbing her neck and pressing her again against me, I laugh. "I'm not speaking of that.. I'm rather referring to this." As I lower my head towards hers, something in her eyes shifts and gives me the consent I don't know I've been waiting for. Without thinking, I smile before letting our mouths come together. Our kiss remain sweet, almost innocent, as I imagine a greeting kiss can be, but it makes my whole body aching for more. I'm not used to that kind of sweetness anymore. Clary's lips keep on moving against mine as I feel the first touch of her tongue, asking entrance. I immediately open my mouth for her and I release the moan I was holding, feeling her tongue moving against mine. Her hands grab the hair at the nape of my neck, her nails sliding against my scalp, sending shivers down my spine. Too soon, she pulls away from me, remaining close enough for me to feel her hot breath on my face.

"Hi Jace" she smiles, her lips swollen and cheeks red.

I answer, also smiling. "Hi darling.. that's what I call a proper greeting".

I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket against my thigh but I choose to ignore it. Whatever it is can wait until tomorrow.

I stroke her back, running my hands shamelessly on her, on her hips, on the curve of her ass. All I can think at this moment is to have her again. It's been too long since the last time I saw her and I've kept my promise of being exclusive. I can't wait to properly take my time with her. Last time has been too hurry and first time, well it was an awkward discovery for both of us.

Her hands can't find their rest either, they're running on my chest and back, a delicate touch against my hard lines.

Suddenly she bursts out laughing.

"Jace, either you vibrate when you're happy to see me or either your phone is going crazy in your pocket. But either way, you have to do something about that, it's distracting."

I release her regretfully. She's right, that's very annoying. Whoever is calling is gonna regret it. Or it might be for a real urgency.

Grabbing my phone, I sigh, seeing who the intruder is. Why does he have to pick the worst moment to call? I'm tempted to just ignore him but I know he will keep on calling until I finally pick up.

"Sorry Clary, I have to take that one. Make yourself comfortable on the couch, or where you want. I will be with you shortly."

I quickly peck her lips then step away to get some privacy. I know what that call is for and that it's gonna be not pleasant at all. I pick up as I enter the spare room near my living room.

"Hodge. What do you want ?"

"Am I interrupting something Wayland? Because you seem annoyed to hear me."

"Indeed you are. So make it quick please" I snort.

"Have you really thought that your little text earlier couldn't annoy me ? Goddamn it Jace, we have a deal. You can't stop this because you decide it."

I sneer. "Yes I can Hodge. You may be my publicist but don't forget I'm the one who employs you. And if I decide it's over, then it's really over."

He laughs. "Are you so stupid that you don't even see what this relationship with Helen can bring you? You need to tame your image, Wayland."

I reply bitterly. "I don't want to. By the way, Helen had more to gain from this than me. Your poor little princess with her flawless image... what could have been better than to pair her with a bad boy? That fake thing you asked me is disrespectful for her, Hodge and I don't think she would be happy to learn that. I should have told you no when your propose me this."

"And when did you acquire a conscience? Since when does it annoy you to just fuck for fun? You have nothing to do Wayland.. just being seen with her publicly and enjoy it privately. Without strings."

"That's none of your business. I won't do this thing with her. I've already told her."

I thought that Helen had already informed him but apparently my text was the first time he heard of my decision.

"What? You already told her? Damnit Wayland, how am I gonna fix all of this now? You're gonna send her a text or something to tell her it was a mistake ; give her your usual smooth talk. I'm gonna have flowers delivered to her for you and.."

I snap, full of anger. "You're gonna listen to me Hodge.. you're gonna do absolutely nothing. I'm not sending a text to Helen and you're not sending flowers. And after this movie promo, you're out. I don't want you in my team after that. Not for the moment. And now, you're gonna leave me alone because I have things far more important to do than speaking with you".

"I will break you Wayland, you're nothing without me. You are gonna fall, golden boy".

As I end the call, it takes all my strength not to throw my phone against the wall. I know he can make my life a hell, sabotaging my castings and my image. But at the moment, I don't fucking care. My phone vibrates in my hand.

 **And that new lady of yours ? Make sure she's more discreet in the future. Especially when she's already taken. ~ Hodge.**

"Fuck!" The word escapes my mouth as soon as I read his text. How can he know about Clary? A ball of anger creeps into my belly, threatening to explode at any moment.

"Jace? Are you okay?"

She's there, on the threshold, watching me with her big green eyes. I can't stand the threats against her, all this was supposed to be a fun thing for both of us.I grit my teeth and breathe heavily through my nose. Anger has always been a problem since my childhood and I don't know how to deal with it. Or rather I have unconventional ways to deal with this.

"What's happening to you? You seem on the verge of losing it. Tell me how I can help you."

"You can't, Darling. I'm gonna deal with that shit later but for the moment I need to calm myself and it's gonna take a while, I'm sorry. I'm used to this."

She slowly comes close to me, cautiously, as if she's afraid of me.

"What do you usually do when you feel this anger coming? To calm yourself, I mean ?"

Looking straight into your eyes I confess.

"I have three possibilities, depending on where I am and who I'm with. Either I drink. Either I get high. Or ..."

I know she knows the last one. Something in her eyes tells me she has understood me.

"Or, Wayland?"

"Or I fuck, darling. And not in the nicest or most romantic way."

I see her gulping. But she doesn't flinch when she answers me.

"Then fuck me, Wayland."


	25. Chapter 25

**It's a beautiful day for a little lemony chapter don't you think ? Tell what me you think of these two.**

 **I'm really sorry for the delay since the last time, I got stuck ages on this chapter, not in the mood. Writer's block I guess.. But it's all fixed !**

* * *

He closes his eyes and exhales.

"You don't know what you're saying . I don't want to use you that way."

"I know what I'm doing Wayland. Remember, friends with benefits? That's the benefits here."

He takes his time to answer, still eyes closed. I'm ready for him to jump on me at any moment.

"Are you sure ? It's not gonna be slow and gentle, I warn you. I need to let that tension out."

"I want it. I want you."

He slowly opens his eyes. I stand here, in front of him, waiting for him, determined. That man has made me done more in a few weeks than what I've done in my whole life.

"Then strip down. Completely."

Without looking down, my eyes straight to him, I slowly take my jacket and shirt off, putting them on the floor. I know that the midnight blue satin bra I'm wearing enhances my white skin and looks good on me. My fingers find the zipper at the back of my skirt. Soon, the garment is on the floor with the rest of my clothes.

I stand awkwardly in front of him, in only my underwear and shoes. He seems to hesitate for a moment and suddenly, I know he has just made his decision. His blue eyes turn nearly black, full of anger and lust. He pounds on me, backing me against the wall behind me. His body is hard against mine, and I'm feeling totally trapped. With another man, I would have been afraid but I know he is not gonna hurt me.

Jace holds the back of my head, gripping my hair bun in his hand with force. His face comes closer to mine, until I feel his breath over me. He almost silently mouths "Thank you" before attacking my lips. I know now what he meant by not gentle and slow. The guy is literally devouring me, his tongue massaging mine and his teeth nibbling my lips, while his hands grab my hips to press my lower half harder against his groin.

"I told you to strip completely, Darling." He notices, fondling my covered breast. With expert fingers, he unclaps my bra in my back and let the piece of lace falling on the floor. "Take these panties off. I wouldn't forgive myself to tear them apart."

His demanding tone makes me shiver in anticipation of what's to come. I quickly take my panties off and begin to get rid of the heels too. He stops me, smirking. "No, let them on. I want to feel them in my back when I fuck you".

Jace backs me again against the wall, his hands roaming on my naked body while he's still fully clothed. Without warning, he grabs the back of my thighs to hoist me up, my legs closing around his waist in an automatic move . The rough material of his jeans provides the friction I need so much and I can't help moaning at the idea I'm ruining his jeans at the moment.

"Are you ready for me darling? Or do I have to check?" He hisses, roughly rolling one of my nipples in his fingers.

Just this touch makes me on the verge to climax and I can't handle all this waiting. I need him now.

"I asked you something" he snaps, grabbing my neck and making me look at him. I feel him fumbling with the buttons of his tight jeans.

"Yes, I'm ready Wayland. Just fuck me already".

He smirks. "You ask for it." Without any further foreplay, he enters me in one quick motion. I moan at the contact, it's been so long since the last time we saw each other. Jace grips my thighs even tighter as he begins moving in me in quick and hard thrusts. He doesn't take his eyes off of me, his mouth half open as he is grunting his pleasure. And then, everything changes when he hits that damn sweet spot. Pressure comes into my lower half, and waves of heat run all over my body. I close my eyes, breathing heavily as I recognize the familiar feeling of my impending orgasm. He drags his tongue up along my neck and slightly scratches his teeth against my earlobe.

"Don't stop, Wayland. I'm so fucking close .."

I usually don't come so quickly but the pace he is giving makes my body react so much it's almost frightening.

"Wait for me.. just a second.. I'm nearly there" he growls. His animalistic sounds in my ear are so intense I have to clench my inner walls to refrain my orgasm. My nails are leaving marks on his shoulders, as well as my heels in his lower back. The force of his thrusts make me move like a doll and I have to take care not to hurt him.

"God, you feel so good Darling, you're so fucking tight, you're made for my cock..."

His moves are going frantic and he digs his fingers harder in my hips. Suddenly, I feel one of my heels scratch his back and from the look in his eyes, I know it's hurting like hell. But instead of stopping, it's making him wild.

"Fuck yes, now. COME NOW"

And just with one word, I'm falling off the cliff into this ocean of pleasure. I ride wave after wave, vaguely aware that he's riding it too after me.

Our panted breaths fill the room. The skin of his forehead is glistening with sweat, sticking his hair to his head. Regaining composure, I lightly stroke his hair off his eyes.

"Are you better?" I ask.

Before he answers me, I see the answer in his blue eyes. There's no trace of anxiety in them. Just a peaceful bliss. Helping me to go back on my feet, he smiles. "Yes much better." He readjusts himself into his jeans while smirking.

"What, Wayland? Are you making fun of me?" I ask.

"Never Darling.. it's just you're a bit... undressed compared to me" he replies, pointing at my for my shoes, I'm totally naked., while he's fully dressed. He hasn't even taken his shirt off. Suddenly feeling conscious, I blush and try to cover myself.

"Here, put this on." He say, handing me the shirt he has just got rid off. The bathroom is at the end of the corridor if you want to freshen up".

Buttoning the black shirt, I walk towards the bathroom. I don't know what I was expecting to find there but I'm surprised when I come in. I didn't expect certainly something so pristine. All the bottles are neatly aligned on the bathtub and the vanity. Clean towels are waiting near the sink. I look at myself in the mirror. In other circumstances, I would say I look terrible. But my swollen lips, disheveled hair, glassy eyes are the sign I've just been freshly fucked. And whereas my legs are wobbly, my mind is sure about one thing. I may not doing the right thing for my life, but I'm doing the right thing for me.

His perfume on the shirt is assaulting my nose and I can't help bury my face in the fabric. It's all what Jace is : smooth and rough, easy going and inflexible, fragile and strong at the same time.

I'm trying to comb my hair with my fingers when Jace knocks at the door.

"Are you okay?" He asks, coming closer to me.

"I'm fine. I just needed a moment with myself. You know, to be presentable again" I laugh.

He whispers, stroking my arm. "Have I hurt you? I mean, I think I wasn't very gentle with you..."

I smile. No, he wasn't gentle but I liked it. Slowly lifting the bottom of his shirt I'm wearing, he looks for some traces on my skin. His fingers run on my hip, trying to soothe the red marks that are slowly appearing.

"I'm sorry Clary. I shouldn't have asked you that... I should have found another way. I have hurt you... I.."

I stop him. "Wayland. Stop this. I knew what I was getting into. I bruise easily, so don't apologize. I'm relieved you're better, that's the most important."

The biggest smile ever shows on his beautiful face. "You, darling, are just wonderful. You don't know how much this means to me." Lowering his face to mine, I feel his lips slowly touch mine as a silent thank you. That delicate kiss is so different to what the ones I've received earlier. But it's no less amazing. His hands softly cradle my face before his fingers run in my hair.

This tenderness is overwhelming. That's not how it's supposed to be. It's supposed to be passionate and rough, quick and intense. Definitely not tender and sweet. Because as much as I can remember not to fall for Wayland, it's hard to resist Jace.

Heat invades me. My breath shortens. I can't fall in love with him. It means nothing. It leads nowhere.

Breaking the spell he's having over me at the moment, I decide to deepen the kiss, licking his upper lip. He smiles. "Open your mouth Wayland, gimme that tongue", I whisper. He chuckles. I push hard on his chest, backing him into the wall behind him.

He winces as soon as his back touches the door.

"What is it Jace? Are you in pain?"

He shakes his head, grabbing my face again with his hands.

"No, Jace. There's something hurting you. Tell me."

He sighs and smiles. "I think that I may have literally felt your heels in my back when I fucked you". He turns around, pointing at his lower back.

I gasp. One big red scratch is running just above his ass cheeks, almost hidden by the waistband of his jeans. He shudders as I gently trace the mark with my fingers.

"I'm so so sorry. I've hurt you as well". I apologize.

"No, Darling. You've made me alive. That's the proof." He stares at me. His eyes never look elsewhere than my eyes. I don't know what he has in mind but obviously, my help with his anger issue touches him a lot. Once again, the atmosphere is highly charged. But this time, I'm saved by the bell. Or rather by my treacherous body.

A loud growl bursts out of my stomach and immediately, we start giggling.

"Okay Darling, I guess all that activity drains you. Why don't we go back to the living room so I can make you dinner before walking you back to your hotel for the night? "


	26. Chapter 26

Cassandra Clare owns the characters. Yes Jace too, sadly. I own the plot. Can't wait to hear your feelings after this chapter.

* * *

Her infectious laugh fills the air. She has been telling me about her job for the past hour and all the anecdotes about her students, from the sad ones to the most funny stories.

"So how was young Jace at school?" She asks, putting her glass down.

I laugh, standing up and clearing the table. "A pain in the ass? Seriously Clary, if I had been your pupil, you would have literally killed me. I wasn't a difficult teenager but like everyone at that age, I couldn't stand people who told me what I should do or think. I often lost my temper during that period."

I hear a snigger behind me. Clary leaves the table to help me with the dishes and puts the plates in the sink.

I raise an eyebrow, asking. "And what does that mean, Darling?"

"That means that you haven't lost that habit, Wayland. I just hope that as a teenager, you didn't deal with that temper like you do now. Because this method is clearly not for a teenager."

Her words immediately remind me of what happened earlier. I know that she thinks about the same thing, her cheeks getting redder. I slowly walk towards her, trapping her between me and the sink. Her breath shortens straight away and she lowers her head, looking at the floor.

"No, darling", I answer, pressed against her, lifting her chin with one finger. "I had other methods at that time, which were way more dangerous and less pleasant."

She locks her big green eyes with mine. "Ahem... I see" she sighs, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. I don't understand how she can still be so shy around me when we talk and so confident when we fool around.

I smile. "Don't be so shy around me, Clary. You're going from being relaxed to totally withdrawn in a few seconds. I'm gonna think you're afraid of me."

"You know.. it's not that simple. Sometimes, I see you as a normal guy. And sometimes, reality hits me and I realize who you are. I guess I'm a bit... starstruck?"

I laugh. "Oh no, Darling, not that shit with me. I'm just Jace right? Remember, friends ? Look around you, we're just at home enjoying time together. There are no fans, no pictures being taken, no film, nothing."

I want her to be spontaneous with me. Like she is when we fool around.

"Do you have to go back to your hotel now? It's still early." She shakes her head. "How about watching a movie? I've been told I can be a pretty decent pillow" I ask her, holding out my hand.

She laughs, grabbing it. "Ok Wayland but I warn you, I don't like people falling asleep and snoring during movies."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I quietly strum my guitar and scribble on a sheet of paper, on the coffee table. Words seem to come easily today. I glance at the body curled on the couch, wearing just my shirt and smirk. As soon as we sat to watch the movie, Clary fell asleep, clearly exhausted by her day.

Watching her slowly snoring, I smile. All could be so easy, to have her here every night, like this. For the first time in months, I'm feeling happy again. When I am with her. Even if I thought I was satisfied with my last few months, partying and fooling around, coming back home to someone every day would be so more fulfilling. But this means I need to open my heart again. And I'm not ready for this. Not ready to feel pain again. It's so easier not to feel anything at all. Because this could bring pain again, deep down, I'm not forgetting she's not free. Whatever she's doing with me, she's not mine. Even if she's clearly filling some void in her life, I'm not the one she will come back to. And I'm not judging her for that, I know she's as lost as I am.

I sigh. All we have to do is enjoy this thing while it lasts and take what it brings to each of us.

"Jace. What time is it? What happened?"

"Hello sleepyhead. Well, for someone who doesn't like people sleeping and snoring during movies.. you've just slept and snored a bit."

She quickly stretches out and stands up.

"I'm so sorry, Jace. I must have been exhausted and stressed by the day. I didn't want to bother you so long, I'm gonna go back to the hotel now.. sorry.." she mumbles.

"Hey, hey, Clary, relax. You were clearly tired and it doesn't bother me at all. I kept myself occupied with writing a bit so don't worry. I like having you here. Really".

I don't even know if this acknowledgment is important or appropriate but as soon as the words leave my mouth, it's like everything is lighter for Clary. I see immediately in her eyes the relief she must have been expected for days. Her body seems to release the tension and she sighs, sitting back on the couch.

"What are you writing?"

"A new song, I hope. Words kept on coming and I had to put them into music." I confess.

"Would you play it for me ?"

Usually apart from my band mates, I don't make people listen to my songs before they're finished but I owe her this. It's like she's been my lucky star since the beginning. We signed a label the day after I met her at that concert, and I've written more songs in the past few weeks than in my entire life.

I nod. "Sure. It's not finished yet and the music is just a draft.. it's not gonna be great but yes I can, I mean, I can sing it to you.."

I grab my guitar and clear my throat.

Closing my eyes, I sing the words I've learnt by heart since I wrote them.

" _I was angry when I met you_  
 _I think I'm angry still_  
 _We can try and talk it over_  
 _If you say you'll help me out_

 _Don't worry baby_  
 _No need to fight_  
 _Don't worry baby_  
 _We'll be alright_

 _This is the noise that keeps me awake_  
 _My head explodes and my body aches_  
 _Push it, make the beats go harder_  
 _Push it, make the beats go harder_

 _Sorry that I hurt you_  
 _Please don't ask me why_  
 _I want to see you happy_  
 _I want to see you shine_

 _Don't worry baby_  
 _Don't be uptight_  
 _Don't worry baby_  
 _We'll stay up all night"_

Strumming the last notes, I open my eyes. Clary is still sitting on the couch, looking intensely at me.

"Jace.. this is beautiful. Those lyrics though.. I don't know what to say, I mean, maybe I'm mistaken but.."

I stop her, putting my guitar back on the floor. "You're not". I don't need to go further, I know she has understood those lyrics are about that moment before, about her. About us. Whatever we are.

"Come here" I say, patting my legs. Helping her crawling on my lap, my hands immediately find her ass under the shirt.

"About earlier... I'm not good at thanking people. Music expresses better what I think. But thank you for helping me. If you wouldn't have been there, I would have trashed that flat again. Or been knocked down by alcohol. Or worse."

She slowly puts her hand on my cheek and I lean into it. "You have to deal with your anger, Jace. You can't stay like that, it's not healthy. You won't always have a woman near you to deal with it, me or another one."

I immediately push back the words coming into my throat. I want to shout that there won't be another one. What's happening to me? I can't let that old bastard of heart speaking again. I swear to myself I will shut it up for long.

"I will seek some help,Darling. I promise. I'm sorry I was rough with you. " I smile, cupping her face in my hands. "Let me make it up to you. Properly. Like you deserve", I sigh, placing my lips over hers.

My fingers run through her hair and tangle at the back of her neck. Kissing her, I alternate from sucking at her top lip and nibbling at her lower one, eliciting a soft moan from her. Each time my tongue slowly comes in contact with hers, goosebumps spread further on my skin.

I take my time,not wanting to urge things like all the times we've been together. We're not in a hurry, I have for once all my time to worship her body. My fingers slowly crawl along her arm, stroking slowly her smooth skin down to her hands, resting on her thighs. As soon as I feel the cold metal on her finger, I cringe. That little gold band on her finger reminds us too much that all of this is forbidden. That another man is touching her too.

Delicately, I grab the ring, slowly removing it from her finger. "Mine" a little voice inside my head sighs.

"Jace, what are you doing?" She asks, lips swollen and eyes full of lust.

"I have already told you. When you're with me, you're totally with me. No phone call. No mention of Him. No wedding band." I put the ring on the coffee table.

"For a few hours, you're mine" I growl. Grabbing her ass, I pull her towards me, pushing her into my hardening cock. She gasps at the contact, making me laugh. "That's only for you, Darling. You feel so good against me."

I slowly run my fingers on her neck, then between her breasts, parting the shirt she's wearing. Slipping my hand under the garment, my fingers immediately find her erected nipple. As her breath shortens, I help her to get rid of my shirt, leaving her only in her panties. I pinch and roll the soft flesh, hearing her soft moans in my ears as the most beautiful melody. A light blush spreads on her skin, from her face to her cleavage.

"You're so beautiful."

She snorts.

"Stop that. You don't see yourself clearly. You're a really beautiful woman". I reply, moving my hand down between her parted thighs. Dipping under her panties, my fingers soon move in slow teasing circles around her clit.

"You are so ready Clary. I feel your arousal running on my fingers. I love having that effect on you."

She moans, breathing erratically. I wonder if He has that kind of effect on her. If she's wet just with a few touches.

"Fuck me Jace. Please." She sighs as I keep on lightly touching her, pushing her on the brink of her release.

"Not here. I need place for what I've planned for you. Hold on tight" I inform her, grabbing the back of her thighs and standing.

She hooks her ankles around my hips while I carry her throughout my flat. I don't care if I'm breaking the last of my rules at the moment. Nothing is gonna stop me to have her in my bed.


End file.
